Addiction
by MinaParole
Summary: a teenage R&R story
1. Chapter 1

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"it's your turn Rach, truth or dare?" My friend Mindy asks me with a grin on her face. I'm indecisive for a moment, not being very into the game.

We were in Monica's living room playing the legitimate pajama party game "truth or dare"; her parents had gone on a trip for the weekend, which meant we had the house all for ourselves; Except for her brother's presence, but that geek pretty much spends the days in his room playing with those weird bones and dinosaurs toys so he wouldn't be an obstacle in our girls' night.

"truth" I say convinced.

"kay…" Mindy says as she looks in her head for something to ask. I see how Ashley and Amanda, my other friends, lean closer to Mindy and start whispering. Then I look at Monica, she is sitting beside me and has a dejected look on her face. I know she is feeling left out, and she has reason to feel that way; they always do that to her, something that I never got to understand because Monica is the sweetest girl I ever met not like these bitches I have for friends.

"we got it!" she exclaims with a mischievous smile in her lips. My eyebrow lifts unconsciously, I know she is gonna ask something dirty, I just know it. "Have you had sex with Chip Mathews yet?" _there it is_, as soon as the question leaves her mouth I shoot her an evil stare. _Bitch! _I call her in my head. I knew she would ask something like that, they are all so gossip, and the worst part is they can't keep a secret to themselves for longer than a day so if I tell them something, the rest of my high school will know by Monday, and I don't want every single person to know about my personal life.

I look at them and see anticipation in their eyes, except for Monica, who has a small smile in her face; she is the only person I trust in completely and she knows everything about me, which means she knows whether I have had sex with my boyfriend or not. okay, I haven't, I'm still a virgin. I know we have been going out for half a year now but I don't feel it's the right moment…although that doesn't mean we haven't done anything.

"C'mon Rach! Answer already!" Ashley interrupts my thoughts.

"no way, I'm sorry but I won't answer those kind of questions"

"oh C'mon! we are your friends here!" _yeah, right._

"stop insisting Mindy! I won't tell you anything and that's the end of it!" I raise my voice a little and I see how she rolls her eyes. I know she is calling me all names noiselessly but I don't give a shit.

"you take all the excitement off the game…" Amanda says sending me a dirty look.

"it's okay girls! She has to do the dare now" Mindy says getting that grin back on her lips. They talk for a brief moment and then she turns to me. "you have to-"

"hi!" a male voice interrupts her. We all lift our looks and see Ross, Monica's brother, crossing the living room and disappearing into the kitchen. We all mumble a "hi" back, which I don't think he heard because he entered the kitchen almost in a run, and go back to the game.

"you have to…" Mindy begins again. Her eyes are sparkling as though an idea had just clicked in her mind. I don't like this. "you have to kiss Ross!" My eyes almost pop out of their sockets. I look at Amanda and Ashley and I see they are as bewildered as I am. I knew it.

"bitch, that was NOT what you were going to say!"

"no, but this one is way better than what we had" she said looking at me mischievously.

"you are a genius Mindy!" Ashley exclaims.

"I'm not going to kiss Ross" I say firmly.

"oh come on! you already wasted truth, you have to do it"

_Damn, I hate this game._

I look at Monica while they keep insisting and her eyes tell me not to do it, which does not surprise me since she has always been very protective of her brother, even though they are always fighting like cats and dogs.

"chicken, chicken, chicken" the three of them say over and over. It doesn't really bother me but I want to get it over with this so they leave me alone once and for all.

"okay" I finally say and they clap their hands in victory. I take a deep breath before standing up.

"don't!" Monica murmurs as she grabs on my t-shirt. I look down at her and mutter a "it's okay"

"You'll see who is the chicken" I say confidently and began my way towards the kitchen.

When I reach the kitchen I silently peek through the door and see him in front of the fridge, gazing inside of it. I close my eyes for a moment while I decide how to make my move. I stand still, wondering if this was the right thing to do until I realise I've been holding my breath for several seconds. _Why am I nervous? This is just Ross._

Before regret could take over my mind I enter the kitchen with a sweet smile plastered on my lips. Right away, he turns around and goes utterly red when he notices my presence –_how come I didn't notice all this before? It's so obvious he has a crush on me-_

"Hi" I say when I'm right beside him, a closeness that makes him go even more nervous.

"mmm h-h-hi!" he says, not knowing exactly where to place his own hands. His clumsiness makes me want to burst out laughing. I send him a small smile and then I pretend to be looking for a glass –of course I know where they are kept, but this is part of my plan-

"d-do you….need anything?" he finally asks me.

"yeah…I want a glass of water, could you get it for me?" I say with a faintly flirtatious voice as I tangle a lock of hair within my fingers.

"sure" I watch him move to the cabinets and get a cup, which he fills and hands me with trembling hands. _Poor guy._

"thanks" I whisper through a smile. I proceed to drink the glass never breaking eye contact with him; surprisingly enough he maintains his eyes fixed on mine, although I think he is more like spellbound.

I take the last gulps of water and leave the cup resting on the counter and then my eyes return to him. _There I go. _He immediately gives a little jump when he notices I'm getting closer, so, before he has the slightest opportunity to run away I place my right hand on his chest, grab on his T-shirt for support and lean on my tiptoes to reach his lips. A millisecond before my lips brush his, my eyelids squeeze my eyes in disgust. _I cannot believe I'm about to do this._

And then it happens; my lips are pressed against his lips, Ross' lips for a few seconds that feel like ages. For a moment I don't know exactly what to do; so I stay like that, eyes tightly closed and lip locked with Ross Geller. Through my fingertips I can feel his heart beating against his chest, so hard I dread it may pop out of him. I finally move my lips over his, a little brush that makes his whole body shake. I can't help but smile against his lips; this reaction of him is so new to me that it has taken me by surprise. After a little peck I finally move away. I take a quick glimpse of his face, enough to see his dumbfounded expression, and murmur a "thank you" as I turn over my heels and rush out of the kitchen; feeling a strange hotness covering my cheeks and smiling like a fool. _What the hell was that?_

:::::::::::::::::::::

And this is how it all began. My "addiction" has done nothing but grow since that day. I always knew he had something for me, a bit of a crush, but it had always escaped my knowledge the great effects I had on him.

And now, whenever I come across him it's impossible for me not to wink my eye or send him a sexy smile to see his reaction. Don't get me wrong, I'm not attracted to him, at all; I just enjoy teasing him. It may be mean, but I simply love how powerful I feel when I tease him…and I must admit his vulnerability makes him look kind of cute.

A sound distracts me from my thoughts and I raise my eyes, expecting to find Monica. My stomach makes a weird flip when I see him enter the backyard, where I am at the moment. I pretend to be engaged in my reading but from the corner of my eyes I can see he has stopped in his tracks after seeing me there. I smile in my head as I simultaneously lift my sunglasses to my hair and look at him.

"hi Ross" I say in my sweetest tone.

"eh h-h-hi" he says as well as he can, I'm starting to believe he has a stutter.

I stand up from the deck chair I'm sitting in and begin to walk towards him.

Let the tease begin.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you guys for the sweet words, they encourage me to keep on writing! I hope you enjoy this second update.

…..

"Ross, Can you help me with this? My hair is tangled around the clasp and I can't unfasten it myself" I say sheepishly as I turn my back on him and put my hair aside for him to have a better look at my necklace. I smile to myself imagining the astonished face he must have right now. We have hardly shared two words together in the years we have known each other and here I am, asking him for help. He must be going nuts.

"are you okay?" I ask above my shoulder, seeing he hasn't moved in the last few seconds.

"sure! Yeah- I-I'll help you…" he finally says as he brings his hands to the clasp. "done" I turn around, stretching my lips into a smile and whisper a soft "thank you" as I plant a kiss on his left cheek. There it is! The stunned face again. I do not get tired of this. I give a mental high five to myself and walk back to the deckchair feeling his eyes fixed on me. From that moment I act as if he had already left so my following movement is to grab the bottom of my summer dress and slowly pull it above my head, revealing my body only covered by a white bikini. I can feel his stare on my skin, and even though I don't want to admit it to myself…I somewhat like it. I try not to look back, since I'm pretending he is not there, and then I reach the border of the swimming pool and dive headfirst.

"hey Brother, what are you doing standing there like a statue?" I heard Monica asks him when I emerge from underwater. She is standing next to him holding two towels, but he doesn't seems to have noticed her presence; normal, after the exhibition I made before his eyes the guy's blood must have frozen eternally. It takes him about 30 seconds to realise he has been caught staring at me. His eyes widen right away and his face takes the colour of a tomato.

"I-I have to go, to…do some stuff" he blurts out as he turns around and rushes to the house as if his pants where on fire. I bit my bottom lip feeling a bit sorry but at the same time disappointed that my game has finished so soon.

"What the hell happened to him? Did a bee bite him or what?" Monica says taken aback by her brother's weird behaviour.

"Honestly, I have no idea." I lie as I swim towards the border and rest my arms there for support.

"he has been acting so oddly the last few weeks…haven't you noticed?" _oh yes I have noticed, and if you knew I am the cause of that…you would kill me._

"mmm nu-uh" I shook my head spontaneously "he seems the same geek to me"

"Rachel" Monica pronounces my name with a threatening tone and pointing her finger at me to emphasise the warning.

"what? You call him that too!" I say in my defence.

"but he is my brother, it's in my rights to call him that"

"Alright, Can I use nerd then?" I say in a chuckle, attempting to be funny but Monica doesn't take it well judging by the evil stare she has just shot me.

"stop that now! Ross is a nice guy, if you looked beyond his geeky looks you'd realise what a wonderful man he is" I press my lips against each other to prevent a loud laugh that Monica's unexpected reply caused in me.

"I cannot believe you are using those words and your brother's name in the same sentence" I cannot help but chuckle; in the time I have known them, the kindest word that had come out of their mouths to refer to each other has been "idiot". "C'mon Mon, you know I was kidding" I excuse myself seeing she is everything but amused.

"I-I know…I just think he doesn't deserve all the mocking he receives…" I frown confused, wondering what Monica meant by those words. Does she suspect something? Or maybe Ross told her about my teasing…nah, that's not possible; he is a closed book even with his sister. "Rachel!"

"uh?" I mumble disoriented. I am surprised when I find the spot where Monica was seconds before completely empty now. I turn to my right and there she is, about to get into the pool. I must have been lost in my thoughts for several seconds because I didn't notice any of her moments. "What did you say?"

"I asked HOW the water is, where were you?"

"oh, The water is wonderful…I'm sorry I didn't hear you the first time"

"What's the matter Rach? Chip again?" she asks with concern in her eyes. I turn around and rest my head in the border while my legs start beating the water to stay on the surface.

"don't worry, I'm just fine, Chip is still Chip"

"What do you mean? Is he still forcing you to give him your flower?" I roll my eyes annoyed.

"the flower thing again? I thought we had come to an agreement on that"

"I know, but I don't want my mom to catch us talking about THAT" she whispers.

"and by using that word you think she will assume we are talking about garden class? Honey, you're too innocent sometimes"

"Whatever, just answer the question"

"no, he hasn't exactly forced me to do anything…but I think he is getting tired of waiting"

"why are you waiting anyway? Don't you love him?" I gaze up at the clear sky as I try to find a reply to that question.

"I…I think I do…but, I don't feel like it's the right moment yet, you know? I just want it to be perfect, and most of the times we're together he is drunk or acting stupid, and I don't want it to be like that, I want it to be meaningful and romantic…"

"I know what you mean…and how does he take it?"

"he gets mad of course, but anyway…let's not talk about that now and let's make plans for the summer, it's getting closer and we have nothing planned yet, and I certainly do not want to stay here, I need space away from everything and everybody"

" okay, what do you suggest?"

…..

After a long afternoon alternating swimming and making plans, I arrived home past dinner time. I sigh in relief when I see none around; I don't particularly feel like talking to my parents let alone my annoying sisters. I make a quick stop by the kitchen to grab an apple and head towards my bedroom. I throw my bag on a chair and get into my pj's before letting myself drop over the bed. I'm exhausted, I've done nothing but I'm so exhausted I don't even bother to switch on the lights. I crawl under the comfortable covers of my bed and take a big bite off the apple. While I eat it my eyes look up at the ceiling where the soft light entering from the street draws weird abstract figures. I can see an oddly shaped dog…a smiley face, a heart…a heart. How convenient. Monica's question enters my mind as if that heart had been there on purpose. Do I love him? I ask myself. I really don't know how to answer that question. I sometimes think I do, but other times…I simply want to erase his selfish character off my life. When do people know when they are in love? Is there a little gnome who takes care of telling people "you're in love"? Is it a feeling? What is it? Can't someone tell me?

I don't know why or how but my next thought revolves around Ross, again. I smile replaying today's events in my head. The shocked face the poor guy must have had when I began to get "undressed" before his eyes. I would have paid someone to record that moment! And then his embarrassment as leaving the yard...boy was he flushed! Maybe this addiction is getting a little out of hand…I hope this teasing is not hurting him, that's not my intention, he is a geek and all that but I don't mean to hurt him…maybe I should stop with the teasing? Maybe…

I left the remains of the apple on my bedside table, taking a deep sigh to clear my mind of any thought, I drift into slumber.

I ring Monica's doorbell and wait. I hate this time of the year, it's all about test after test; essay after essay, there is no time for doing anything else, and I have tons of shopping to do! Ugh!

The door opens and I get surprised when Ross appears instead of Monica. My face immediately lights up with a pretended smile.

"Hi Ross!"

"Hi Rachel What's up" _has he just said that without stuttering? Wow_.

"Is Monica here?"

"no, she accompanied my mo-, Judy to do the groceries"

"what? But we were supposed to meet at 5 to do an essay together" I exclaim looking at my watch: 5.20.

"Well, they left over an hour ago so she must be about to arrive...Do you want to come in? you can wait for her in her room if you wish" he said all that without trip over his tongue or moving his eyes away from me. _I'm impressed._

"okay, thanks" I say with a big smile. I enter the house intentionally brushing shoulders with him. However, our small contact doesn't seem to startle him this time. Something weird is happening here. I begin to walk up the staircase, but I stop halfway when an idea clicks in my mind.

"Ross" I say as I turn over my heels.

"Yes?"

"you're good at Maths, right?"

"I guess I am…why?"

"Can you help me solve an equation problem I can't figure out? You know, while Monica arrives…"

"of course, I'd love to"

….

I do not comprehend this; here I am, sitting next to him, my face mere inches away from his own face; flirting with him here and there for the last fifteen minutes and yet nothing has made effect on him; neither a tremble of voice nor a stunned face…_what the hell is going on?_ I'm starting to believe I've lost my touch.

"Do you understand it now?" He says, but the only thing I can think of is his hand resting on my knee. OH MY GOD, Did Ross Geller just place his hand on my knee? My eyes instantly widen in disbelief. This cannot be happening, Ross Geller, the shyest geek in Lincoln High school, cannot have just made a move on me, Can he? Oh my god…

"I do, thank you" I say, trying to sound as cool as possible but this situation is making me very uncomfortable, I never expected him to even pronounce a word to me, just be all awkward and clumsy as he usually reacts, but here he is now, acting like a proper flirt! I'm beyond confused.

"anytime" he says and I thank him with an smile, but I don't know what to do next. Should I stand up and leave or should I tell him to go? God, this silence is becoming so awkward and his eyes fixed on me aren't helping either.

Suddenly, his head starts leaning towards me and my body freezes completely. I cannot believe he is about to kiss me, this must be a joke! And Monica must be his partner in this crime! That's why she isn't here! RUN, RUN, RUN! My head yells, But I cannot move, I'm stuck in Monica's chair as if some invisible rope had me tied to it.

My rambling mind stops the moment his lips brush mine, soft and gently. His hands move to my face and caress my cheeks with his thumbs as he kisses me deeper, and that's when my willpower runs out the window, leaving me weak and under his mercy.

My lips begin to move in synch with his, melting in a passionate kiss. This is too much to take; on one side, my head keeps yelling to stop that right now while my body, on the other side, is enjoying this physical contact and yearning for more. It's as though my body had lost connection with my neurones and was being controlled by somebody else.

I feel him slow down the kiss and then he grabs my hand and makes me stand up from the chair. I obey his command as a loyal servant. He walks me to Monica's bed and sits there while giving me a look I had never seen on his eyes before. I cannot believe this is the same geek I've known all my life. He then grabs both my hands and sits me on his lap before surprising me with another wild kiss. My mind doesn't have enough time to register everything that is happening. I'm cannot believe I am in Monica's bed, making out her brother and taking the risk of being caught eventually. But as hard as my mind is trying to stop this crazy situation, my body seems oblique to its orders.

His wondering hands creep under my jeans and squeeze my buttcheeks while his mouth invades mine, making me moan of pleasure and surprise. This makes me lose all sense of control I had left and the voice in my head finally fades as I melt into the moment.

I kiss him back with urgency, running my hands through his curly hair and down his back while I feel his own hands tracing the line of my back under my T-shirt, which he lifts above head and I don't make any objection. My heart beats faster and faster as his mouth draws a perfect trail of wet kisses from my neck to my chest. He is so good at this that my head is spinning. I quickly get rid of his shirt and then he lies me down on the bed, placing himself between my legs. He kisses me wildly again, leaving me out of breath and yearning for more. Then he moves to my stomach, caressing and kissing it with skill. I close my eyes to enjoy the moment better, but a repeating noise distracts me for moment, although it doesn't last for long and I immediately forget it when his hands begin to unbutton my jeans and my body fills with anticipation. However, the noise comes again, and sounds louder and louder when I try to block it out; I try to concentrate on him and his amazing kisses on my skin, but the sound gets more irritating and then I realise…Is that an alarm clock?

I wake up startled, panting and kind of turned on. Then I realise I'm on my bed, in complete darkness and alone. I take a deep breath and sigh…not sure whether I feel relief or disappointed that it all has been a dream.

Perhaps this teasing game has gotten a little out of hand…


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"Look Rachel, your boyfriend!" says Mindy between giggles. I twist my neck towards where she is pointing, expecting to find Chip but guess who was there instead? _Yes HIM. _

"HA-HA very funny" I say as I return to my plate and send her an evil stare. However, I cannot help but observe him from the corner of my eyes. I haven't seen him in two weeks, since my unfortunate dream haunted me…_God, I still get so embarrassed whenever I think of it. _The only thought of me having sex with Monica's brother makes my stomach turn.

"How was it?"

"How was what?"

"kissing a geek, how was it?" I hold air in my throat for a second to seize my temper and not make a scene in the middle of the crowded cantina.

"amazing" I say sarcastically.

"have you told Chip that you kissed the geek guy of the school?" she asks with a grin on her face that makes me sick.

"will you quit already? It was part of a game, have your tiny neurones forgotten that?"

"but Ray-Ray? What's with all the edginess lately? We are kidding hun, you take everything too seriously" I roll my eyes annoyed, her pitied tone of voice couldn't sound faker. _Why Am I friends with these people? _

"Well, it stops being funny when you've repeated the same joke dozens of times"

"don't get angry girl, we'll stop alright?" Mindy says as if I was the one to blame for all this.

"thank you" geez It's the first time I say those two words without actually meaning them.

"girls, Shall we go to the field?" I heard Ashley say.

"yes! It's hotties time" the other two say at unison.

"wait, wait, wait! I'm not finished yet"

"but Ray-Ray, if we wait for you we are going to miss seeing the guys stretching…" says Ashley and then Mindy.

"I don't want to sound harsh but Ray-Ray, you take forever to eat even the smallest meal…I hope you understand we are leaving you for a bigger deal you know. Join us when you're done, alright hun?"

"you should sit with your boyfriend and eat together" Ashley adds before they move away from our table, laughing like a drain. I have strong desires to throw my fork and every pointy thing at them, but I don't. I stay calm as the behaved girl I am and return my gaze to my plate. What if I eat slowly anyway? There is nothing wrong with that, is there? I hope those bitches choke on their food one day!

My head unconsciously turns to look at him and I observe him as discretely as possible; He is sitting alone at a table close to the window. His head is resting on his left hand while his other hand holds a spoon that he hasn't brought to his mouth in the time I've been watching him. I wonder what he is thinking so concentrated, what could be in his mind right in this moment. Dinosaurs? Maybe he is imagining a fight between a T-rex and another…something-saurus. Or maybe he is thinking about me… _Should I go talk to him?_

I turn back to my plate and then take a quick scan of the room, trying to spot someone I may know but there seems to be no one. What if my stupid friends return and see me there with him?...oh what the hell! I miss "my addiction".

I pick up my tray and make my way towards his table. He doesn't notice me until I'm sitting right across him.

"Rachel!" he says in a small jump of surprise.

"Hi!" I say with a broad smile "you don't mind if I sit here, right?" my question leaves him utterly surprised. I like that.

"no, no. y-you can take th-the seat" definitely this is not the Ross of my dream. _Phew._

"hey, Do you know where Monica is? I haven't seen her all day" I ask him to try to break the ice because of course I know Monica is sick and she is not here because of that, She called me last night to tell me so.

"she is sick, she h-had high fever this morning…I thought she had called you" _oops_.

"really? She must have talked to either of my sisters then, they seem to have problems when it comes to delivering messages" I see him smile shyly at my comment._ Aw_. He looks like a cute harmless puppy.

"listen" I say as I reach for his hand; when I touch him he startles a little at the same time that his eyes open widely as though they were about to pop out. I smile in my head; I've never felt more powerful in my life. "I'm organizing a big party at my house this weekend to celebrate my 17th birthday. Would you like to come?" he is completely taken aback by my question; and so am I, why did I just invite him? Why couldn't I have just said something else? Damn subconscious! Always playing tricks on me.

"ar-are you serious?" he asks once he overcomes his previous shock. I cannot say "no" now. It would make this situation awkward. More than it already is.

"of course!" _oh my god,_ Chip will be there, my bitchy friends will be there as well…I see how his eyes lights up as If he had just found the most beautiful louboutins shoes…wait no! that would be weird…well, something like that but in men. "so?"

"I-I'll think about it…but thanks for the invitation Rach" how adorable is he? If only he weren't such a big geek.

"well I have to go, I've got cheerleading practice in half an hour so…Saturday, 8pm my house. Hope to see you there" I say adding a sexy wink that doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"s-sure"

"bye then…and tell Monica to take care"

…..

"Honey, I think I'm gonna head home" I say, fed up with the long poker afternoon in which I cannot take part of for being too "girly"

"what, why?" my "attentive" boyfriend asks without taking his eyes off his cards.

"because I need a rest from all the fun I'm having here, you know"

"oh, okay, whatever you want" I roll my eyes debating whether to believe he is too stupid to catch the irony or that he was simply not listening to a word I said.

"Will you at least walk me to the door, please?" I say, not making any effort to hide the irritation I'm feeling at this moment.

"just a sec, let me finish this game first" I release a sigh of pure frustration as I sit back on the couch and wish for time to go faster, but the stronger I wish it the slower it passes. Why can't my boyfriend be more considerate and caring? I hate being the doll he carries around and leaves at the nearest couch when he has gotten tired of showing it off. I deserve someone better! I really do.

I cannot deny I love being the girlfriend of the hottest guy in high school and being the envy of every single girl but that does not compensate this feeling of emptiness that sometimes strikes me. I have a much more fulfilling relationship with my dog for god's sake!

A loud bang on the table tears me out of my thoughts and I see Chip's angry face. He should give up playing this game, he always loses.

"let's go Rach" he says as he grabs my wrist and pulls me out the couch. Way to be delicate.

Once we reach the door he turns into the sweet guy I fell for; he wraps his hands around my waist and makes my knees go weak with an ardent kiss I was yearning for all day.

"What don't you come with me to my house?" I whisper between our lips. He pulls away and I instantly know he is going to decline my suggestion.

"but Rach, I'm losing I can't let them get away with it, I need to win my money back"

"Chip, you suck at poker, when are you gonna accept that"

"I don't suck! I had bad luck this time, that's all"

"whatever, I have to go…" I say gazing at my watch with a straight face but he doesn't seem to get the hint.

"do you want me to give you drive?"

" nah, that's alright, you apparently have better things to do…see you at my bday party tomorrow"

"okay then" as I expected he didn't even insists the slightest bit.

"bye" I say as I give him a small peck. I'm certainly not in the mood for something else.

He says bye to me and immediately disappears inside the house. I set off my way to my house, with huge desires to punch someone. Why do I have to fall for guys that don't give a damn?

…

"Mon thank you so much for helping me with this, I had no idea Mrs Kate's was on vacation this weekend" I tell her as we observed the crowded yard, perfectly decorated as only Monica knew how.

"don't worry honey, you know organizing parties is like being in a theme park for me" I hug her tightly with a big smile on my face. She is always my saviour. "you look beautiful by the way"

"so do you"

"and just so you know I'm borrowing those shoes, they are gorgeous!"

"I know! They are killing my toes but look at them! Totally worth the pain" we both share a laugh.

"Rach, this party is amaaaaaaaaaaaazing" Mindy interrupts us yelling like a mad person. She passed an arm over my shoulders. She seems to be suspiciously happy.

"Mindy are you drinking alcohol?"

"shhhh, my older brother got me some bottles, do you want some?" she says as she takes a hipflask out of the inside pocket of her jacket.

"oh my god Mindy! You better hide that well, my father is upstairs and he'll kill me if he finds out we have alcohol here!"

"chill out Rach, None will knowww, here have some" she says as she pours some liquid in my coke. I immediately force her to hide the bottle as I make sure my father is not around. This girl is going to get me into big trouble one day!

"hey Rach! ready for your birthday present?" says Chip walking towards me.

"of course!" I say in a little jump of excitement "Mon watch this bitch please" I whisper to Mon before Chips grabs my hand and leads me inside the house and into the living room. I clap my hands when I see the big package.

"Happy Birthday" he says as he hands it to me. I quickly rip off the paper covering a quite large square box and my excitement fades right away.

"what's this?"

"a video game!" he said as if it was the most amazing thing in the world.

"so this is a present for yourself"

"no it's for you! But you'll let me play right?" I give him a look of disbelief.

"you know what? Keep it in your house; you'll make better use of it than me"

"really? Thank you Rach!" he says kissing my lips eagerly. My mouth is invaded with the smell of pure alcohol that comes out of his mouth.

"geez Chip! Have you swallowed an alcoholic?" I exclaim as I pull away disgusted.

"your friend Mindy brought some bottles of vodka, she's cool" I roll my eyes annoyed.

"you'd better behave if my father shows up, he'll kick you out of the house if he discovers you're drunk"

"don't worry sweetie" he says grabbing my ass and bringing me closer for another kiss. The doorbell gets in the way of our make out session.

"Honey, I- I have to get the door" I murmur trying to escape form his invasive lips.

"let someone else get it" he says whining and tightening his grip around me.

"Chip, it's MY house; go to the yard, I'll be right back okay?" I give him a small peck and head towards the door.

My whole body freezes when I open the door and find him there. I had completely forgotten I had invited him.

"oh Hi Ross! I thought you weren't coming anymore…" this is so awkward. If anybody sees him here the things they will say! Oh god.

"H-hi" he says shyly. I meet his eyes with a smile but he moves them away from me every few seconds, as though keeping eye contact with me was forbidden and something terrible would happen to him if he did. This behaviour of him just makes me want to tease him even more.

"but what are you doing there, come in!" I say motioning my hand with an inviting smile plastered on my lips, not knowing what else to do.

"that's alright, I-I'm just stopping by to…to wish you a happy birthday. I'm leaving right away" wow! He is getting better at delivering full sentences to me!

"Oh don't be silly! Come in, I'll get you something to drink" I say as I grab his hand and bring him inside the house. I'm taking the risk of being seen with him, however, something inside me truly wants him to stay.

"I-I'd rather wait for you here" he says quickly freeing his hand from my touch and trying to hide his obvious nerves. "It's just…your friends don't quite like me so…" he responds to my questioning look.

"Well, let's go to the kitchen then, we've got drinks there too" I warmly say as I grab his hand again, tighter this time so he can't escape, and I quickly guide him to the kitchen. I close the door behind me praying that nobody shows up while we are there. "What would you like to drink?" I ask opening the fridge door and observing from the corner of my eyes how he cannot keep his feet in one place.

"coke would be fine" I grab two cans, one for him and one for myself, and walk back to where he is standing. I lean my body on the counter right in front of him and hand him the can.

"thanks" he murmurs. The room fills with silence as we both take a sip of our cokes; I drink slowly to buy myself some time to think of something that we could talk about and make this unbearable silence disappear.

"y-you look beautiful" he surprises me saying; his face flustered as never before. My stomach instantly fills with a weird sensation I'm not able to describe and I have to look down at my black dress to try to hide the fact that his words have made me blush visibly. I'm beyond used to this kind of compliments and yet his words have sounded so genuine that I felt like it was the first time I'd been called beautiful. _What the hell is happening to me?_

"thank you" I say with a smile. "so you're graduating this month right?" I had to change the topic, I don't know why but I'm feeling extra vulnerable today that I cannot even think of a way to tease him.

"yes, I'm so looking forward to it"

"why? Aren't you going to miss High School life?"

"not really…being the geeky guy of High School is not as much fun as you may think" he says nonchalantly and I cannot help but let out a soft chuckle. The fact that he is not bothered by the label people gave him makes him even cuter. "Monica told me you two are going to a camp in California this summer"

"yes! I'm very excited about it, It's the first time my father allows me to go on a trip with my best friend, so I already know I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest, you going somewhere?"

"Science camp" he says "surprising uh?" my smile makes him smile; he has perfect white teeth, I love that. "How is the party, by the way?" he breaks the not-so-uncomfortable silence. I'm amazed at how he's being able to hold a conversation with me for longer than five minutes without rushing out of the room.

"it's alright, too big a party for my taste, but that's how the head cheerleader is supposed to celebrate her bday, isn't it?"

"No, if she doesn't like it. One must enjoy life according to their wishes, not the way people tell them to" I'm mesmerized by his words. Maybe he is right and I should break through stereotypes and start living my life the way I want.

"I guess you are right…"

(….)

"I think I'm going to take off" he says a little after.

"why?" to my own surprise I don't want him to leave yet, I'm actually having fun with him. Who would have said!

"I've things to do, but first, I've got a present to give you" he says taking a small rectangular box out of his pocket. My mouth opens in surprise.

"what, why?"

"well, it's your birthday if I'm not mistaken"

"yes, yes it is" I say in a chuckle, feeling stupid. "but you really didn't need to..."

"Happy Birthday" he says with the sweetest smile and handing me the small box. I meet his eyes for a second before holding the box. I feel like I'm discovering a whole new Ross today, a really charming one. I rip off the wrapping paper and slowly open the blue box. My jaw instantly falls to the floor when I find the most beautiful necklace inside of it; a small silver heart with a tiny sky blue diamond in the middle.

"Oh my god, Ross!" I'm speechless to say the least and my eyes inevitably well up. He is too sweet; why can't my boyfriend be like him?

"do you like it?"

"if I like it? I LOVE it! This necklace is gorgeous! It must have cost you a fortune!" he shrugs his shoulders helplessly.

"The birthday girl deserves it" I bit my bottom lip as my heart starts racing out of control. That sensation I felt in my stomach before increases to a point I cannot control it anymore and on impulse I place my free hand on his neck and bring him down to my lips, kissing him with all the lust I'm feeling inside. He is stunned at first, I feel it in his tenseness but soon enough his lips begin to respond to my kiss, making my body shiver in pleasure, a pleasure I think I haven't felt before. I leave the box on the counter, still lip locked with him, and bring my other hand to his neck to pull him closer and deepen this amazing kiss. This is definitely not a dream, this is very real and I'm grateful for that. Right in this moment I don't care if I'm kissing the geeky guy, I don't care if my boyfriend is right outside or if my stupid friends find out, this feels too good to stop now. He shyly places his hands on both sides of my waist; a simple gesture but that sends pleasant tickles up and down my body. I'm breathless, my blood is boiling and my head is spinning. But to my disappointment, a knock on the door drags me out of this dreamy moment, so suddenly that it feels as if I had been thrown off a plane without parachute. My eyes widen when I realise someone is outside the kitchen door.

"oh shit!" I say pulling away from him "hide under the table" I whisper as I run out of the kitchen. I bring my hands to my mouth when I find Monica leaning on a wall out in the corridor, her eyes frozen as if she had seen a ghost. This cannot be happening; she cannot have seen us…but her astonished look tell me otherwise. I grab her hand and pull her inside my dad's office.

"Monica, please don't jump into conclusions" I try to control my trembling voice but it's too hard.

"w-what the hell was my brother doing in your kitchen AND kissing you?" she says once she has overcome the shock but she is still freaked out. I don't blame her.

"h-he just…stopped by…to wish me a happy birthday…that's all"

"do you think I'll believe that? I know my brother Rach; he is not the kind of guy who goes to these parties, let alone if he hasn't been invited" I cast my gaze down, not knowing what to say, I've been caught, and now I don't have any other choice but admit the truth.

"I kinda invited him"

"what? Seriously Rach, what's going on? Do you like my brother?"

"no, no, no, no no! of course no"

"then why did you invite him and KISSED him?" she says placing her hands on her hips and giving me a threatening look.

"oh god…okay, let me explain this but please don't get mad"

"start talking" she said with a straight face.

"okay…I do not like your brother, I was just enjoying myself a little…I know he has a crush on me and…well let's say I love how nervous and clumsy he gets when I talk to him and all that and I kinda got "addicted" to teasing him…please don't hate me" I see her shake her head from side to side with a hateful look on her eyes.

"how can you be so heartless Rach? He may be geek but he has feelings too, I can't believe you, I really can't" I know she is furious. _I'm so stupid!_ I quickly grab her hand to make her look at me, my eyes filling with tears of regret.

"I'm so sorry Mon, please don't hate me, I-I simply wasn't thinking, I guess my situation with Chip led me to do this, but I promise you I won't do that ever again."

"that is not a reason to play with my brother's feelings like that, you're crueller than I though"

"I know I know, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have played with your brother's feelings, I'm aware of that but please forgive me" I try to apologize, but I've never been good at this.

"you really promise you won't do that ever again…?" she says a bit calmer.

"I won't! really"

"you should go and apologize to him then, I'm gonna let you go back there and talk to him yourself, I don't want him to know I've seen you two kissing because I know he'd be embarrassed for life. Please tell him something, whatever, but not the teasing thing because you'll break his heart."

"okay okay, I'll figure something out, Thank you Mon for understanding" I say as I hug her tightly. Thank god she is such an understanding person.

_Now What do I tell him?_ oy.

…..

Thanks for reading, thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the reviews and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

CHAPTER 4

"Amy! Open the door RIGHT now!" I cry out knocking on her bedroom door incessantly.

"what" she says totally indifferent to my tone of voice.

"Where is my blue top!"

"what blue top"

"the strapless blue top you always steal from my closet, does it ring a bell?" I say, my hands on my hips to emphasize my fury. I cannot stand my sisters! Their closets are plagued with tons of clothes; half of them they haven't even worn yet, but of course they have to steal and wear my clothes because pissing me off is more fun! _Ugh!_

"I don't know what you're talking about" I stare at her for a sec before my eyes spot a blue clothing upon a chair. I quickly get past her and grab the top.

"And what's this uh?"

"okay, I took it! I was going to wear it tonight"

"well, you're not anymore" I say turning to leave the bedroom but she stops me grabbing my arm.

"C'mon Rach! let me wear it today and I promise I won't take it again"

"nope"

"why not?"

"because it's my favourite top and I don't want you spoiling it with your stupidity"

"why do you HAVE to wear it today anyway? Do you have a date or something?"

"It's not your business, bye-bye" I say closing the door behind me. I rush into my bedroom and lock the door so that my dear sister cannot get in and continue with her speciality in annoying people.

I stand in front of my full length mirror and put my strapless sky-blue top on. I smile. It perfectly matches the necklace. I hold the small silver heart between my fingers and look at its reflection in the mirror. _Will he notice I'm wearing it?_ I cannot believe how freaking nervous I am right now. I haven't seen him since my Birthday party, two weeks ago. I admit I was a bit disappointed when I returned to the kitchen after my argument with Monica and he was already gone, although that saved me from having to explain my unexpected move of kissing him. I told Monica I had apologized to him though; otherwise she would have followed me around knife in hand until I did so. Lying to Monica is something I am not used to but I cannot tell her what I feel for her brother, mainly because I haven't figured it out myself yet.

I take a deep breath as putting the last thing in my bag and leave my bedroom.

"Mom I'm sleeping over at Mon's tonight" I shout as I run down the stairs.

"okay honey, call me when you get there" she says kissing me when we are by the door.

"Mom, her house is half a mile away, do I really need to?" I say making a face.

"of course young lady"

On my way to Monica's my mind cannot think straight; he occupies my thoughts completely; What Am I gonna tell him if I run into him?...if? I HAVE to run into him, I need to see him one way or another. I miss him, I can't believe it myself but I do, a lot; every single night of these fifteen days since my birthday party the kiss we shared creeps into my head keeping me widely awake.

My lips curl up into a smile as I relive that moment in my head once again. his slightly pouty lips felt so damn good upon mine…and his hands rubbing my sides with such delicacy…it makes my heart race just thinking about it. I never thought this addiction would get me this far to a point where my image of Ross would change so dramatically.

"hi Rach!" Monica greets me with a warm hug I gladly reciprocate. "come in, let's carry your bag to my room" she says taking my bag from my hand and I follow her up to her room.

"where are your parents? Are you alone?" I ask looking around the dark corridor that leads to her bedroom, everything seems too quiet.

"yup, they left early today to visit my Grandma"

"and your brother?" I ask as casually as possible but she eyes me with suspicion.

"he went with them…why?"

"no special reason, just wondering" _this sucks. I was so looking forward to seeing him today._

"you sure?" she says, still giving me that I-don't-believe-you look that makes me rather nervous.

"What? Mon I told you I would stop, didn't I?" I say rolling my eyes. She doesn't mention anything else but I know that she is not completely satisfied with my detailed –and made up- explanation of how I apologized to Ross. Oh god, if she ends up finding out about all these lies I will be dead meat.

The disappointment I felt before vanishes when I finally realize we have the house all for ourselves, there is nothing more exciting than that! We spent the rest of the evening dancing to loud music in the living room, watching a movie while eating a pizza for dinner and it's not until 1am that we head to her room.

"When are your parents coming Mon?" I ask as I lay on the mattress she has placed for me on the floor next to her bed and I see her lay down on her own bed. Only the light of her bedside table illuminates the room. Talking session is about to start.

"they must be about to arrive I guess, my grandma lives in the city" that weird sensation is back in my stomach when I know there is a small chance I may still see him tonight.

"so, how are things with Chip" God, I had completely forgotten about him and that's happening more than it should.

"well you know, we've been playing that videogame he gave me for my Bday" I say, embarrassed to admit my boring love life.

"how romantic"

"yeah…" I say in a sigh; sometimes I truly feel like I'm a nanny to my boyfriend.

"that means no sex yet?" She's been asking that a lot lately…I wonder if there is a hidden purpose behind all her questioning.

"nope, at all"

"but he hasn't insisted?"

"believe me, he HAS, but…he doesn't seem to know how to turn me on you know? Or I've stopped liking him I don't know"

"What? You don't like him anymore? Rach he is like the hottest guy in High School! How is that even possible?"

"I guess it's his personality what turns me off…why are you so interested in "sex" lately anyway? Something going on with you and you haven't told me?"

"no, I just want to know how it feels…that's all" she says avoiding my gaze.

"Well then do it yourself, don't pressure me" I say half laughing but her shy expression surprises me "Mon…? Are you actually thinking of doing it?"

"I…I may be considering it" she says shyly. I open my mouth broadly as I try to take in her words.

"What?" I exclaim when my mind starts working again. I quickly stand from my mattress and jump on her bed to lie next to her. "h-how, w-who is the guy?"

"he is a friend of my brother, we've been secretly dating for a month now" she says with a grin on her face.

"a month? And you're telling me now?" My shock grows with each new piece of information she gives me.

"I know I'm sorry I hid it from you all this time but I didn't want to take the risk of being caught, if my brother finds out he's going to kill him and me right after, so please, ple-ase promise you won't tell him ANYTHING"

"of course honey, why would I tell him anything? Now tell me more, tell me more!"

"his name is Chandler and god, he has me head over heels for him Rach, he is sweet, funny, caring…he makes me laugh like nobody else…" I can tell just by looking at that peculiar smile on her face that she has fallen hard for that Chandler guy. "I think I might be in love Rach, wh-when he is not around I cannot stop thinking about him, and when I know I'm gonna see him I get that butterfly sensation in my stomach…I don't know how to explain it but…it's such an amazing feeling…and when he kisses me…god, I literally melt" _yeah that sounds familiar…_

"okay that's enough, you're TOTALLY love-struck girl"

"I really am" she says with that grin on her face.

"I'm so happy for you"

"me too" she says all excited

"so you're gonna…"

"I don't know…do you think it's too soon? We've only been dating for a month…"

"I think it's fine…as long as you want it and feel comfortable with him"

"I do"

"then, there is not place for doubt" I say winking my eye.

"thanks" she says with a big smile.

"what about your brother? Does he have a girlfriend?" the question has left my mouth before I even had time to realize what I was doing. Monica raises her eyebrow as she gives me that suspicious look again. _oh boy, my subconscious is going to give me away one of these days!_

"what?" I try to say as nonchalantly as possible.

"why do you want to know that?"

"why? I don't know…It's simply another topic, why should there be any interest in me asking that question?" _okay stop talking!_

"well, you never seemed interested in those topics before"

"whatever, let's talk about something else then"

"Rach…Do you like my brother? be honest" _oh god, oh god, oh goddd_

"what? NO!"

"honey, I'm your friend, I won't judge you if you do, he is actually a great guy, I told you before"

"Monica stop talking nonsense, I don't like your brother and never will okay?" my tone of voice saying those words has hurt her, I can feel it. _Why am I so scared to admit the truth even to my best friend? I hate myself._

"okay…I just want you to know that I wouldn't think any less of you if you dated a geeky guy like my brother…I'm not like your other friends"

"aw Mon, you're so sweet" I say as leaning in to give her a heartfelt hug "and thanks for always being so supportive but I'm being honest with you, the only thing in my mind right now it's my rather pathetic relationship with Chip…I asked that girlfriend question out of curiosity, nothing else. Sorry if I overreacted"

"well to kill your curiosity…no, he doesn't have a girlfriend, that I know of. But we don't talk much about those things; he is quite shy when it comes to girls topic"

"Do you think he is still a virgin?"

"EWWWWWWW Rach! what kind of question is that? he is my brother! I don't even want to know that, Jesus!" her reaction makes me laugh loudly.

"I was just kidding silly!"

(…)

"I'm kinda tired, I think I'm gonna go to sleep" Monica says yawning.

"yeah I'm tired too" _no I am not._

"you can sleep here in my bed if you want, there is enough space for both of us"

"okay"

"good night" she whispers as she turns her back on me and lies on her side.

"Good night" I whisper back as I turned off the lamp. I lie on my back and stare at the dark ceiling with widely open eyes, I know Morpheus will come for me soon but I need to stay awake, he must be about to arrive and I cannot miss my chance to see him.

It doesn't take long for Monica to fall asleep; I can hear her heavy breathing and a snort here and there. Our previous conversation replays in my head, she is too nice with me and yet I keep telling her all those lies…this will backfire on me one day.

I had almost given up when the sound of the front door closing gets my ears, my heart starts beating fast right away. I slip off Monica's bed as unnoticeable as possible in and tiptoe to the bedroom door. I immediately stick my ear to it: I can hear some steps passing by, accompanied with a faint murmur; that must be Monica's parents. I wait five more minutes and I silently open the door. The corridor is in complete darkness but when my eyes adapt to the dimness I can see that the door of his bedroom is still open. He must be downstairs. I take a deep breath to try to ease my increasing nervousness and began my way to the living room.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs I perceive the kitchen lights are on. He is there! My body starts trembling like a leaf, _what am I gonna tell him?_

I quietly observe him from the door; he is heating something in the microwave. Okay, I have to do something, _get in there and do what you know best_, I encourage myself.

I mess my hair up with my hands to pretend I have been sleeping, and walk into the kitchen, leaving my nervous outside.

"oh, Hi Ross" I say yawning "I didn't know you were back" _I'm such a good actress._

"Hi Rachel, how are you?" he politely asks, but his eyes don't move from the microwave. I frown confused but head towards the glass cabinet to get a cup.

"I'm fine, just a little thirsty" I say with my sweetest smile as I fill my cup with water.

"I see you remember where the cups are"

"yeah…" I blush in spite of myself, so he hasn't forgotten that, has he? "So did you have fun in the city?" I say turning to him and getting a little closer.

"well, as much fun as you can have visiting your grandma…what about you two?"

"oh, it was so much fun her-" the beeping of the microwave interrupts me.

"can you fill me a cup of water?" he asks me as he takes a plate with a slice of pizza out of the microwave.

"of course" I say turning to the cabinet and doing as ordered.

"cute necklace by the way" I smile unconsciously, he has noticed it.

"here you have" I turn to him and hand him the glass with water. Okay It's time to bring up the subject, it's now or never. "about the other da-" I began to say but I feel a sudden pull that brings me to him, and something blocking my mouth, then I realize his lips are on mine, kissing me hard. OH-MY-GOD, Is this actually happening? Has he initiated the kiss? But I cannot seem to find an answer to those questions since his mouth invading mine erases my capacity to think rationally. One of his arms is around my waist, keeping pinned up against his body, this physical contact triggers so many feelings inside my body that I think I may faint right here. I want to respond to his kiss; kiss him back with all the desire he awakens in me, but this has occurred so out of blue that my body is completely stunned and before I have time to react he stops the kiss, much to my disappointment.

"thank you" he whispers in my ear before pulling away and grabbing the plate to exit the kitchen. I'm left alone, beyond stunned and my body still shaking in pleasure. Was that the Ross I know? The one who always hides behind a shield of shyness?

A reddened mark appears on my forearm after I've pinched myself to prove this is not a dream, it definitely was not, he did kiss me, and oh my god how he kissed me. I bring the tip of my fingers to my lips as I close my eyes and picture the moment again; a sigh escapes my mouth…Okay, I think I am in love with him…and it's pointless to keep on lying to myself when I already know the truth.

_W__hat should I do now? _I want to follow him, but what would I tell him? I still have a boyfriend and he knows that.I don't know whether to cry or laugh, this is too much to take.

…..

"Monica….Why is everybody looking at me?" I ask as we walk through the corridor that leads to our classroom. I know that question sounds weird coming from me, the most popular girl in High School, but there is something different in the way they are looking at me today, as if…they were laughing at me?

"I don't know, they always look at you Rach, have you noticed that now?"

"of course no, but I've never felt as uncomfortable as right now, it's like they are making fun of me….don't you think?" I murmur as I observe two girls on my left whispering something into each other's ears while laughing and eying me. This does not look good.

"I don't see any difference with other days, you're always the centre of attention" maybe it's my fear of my crush on Ross being discovered what is turning me into a neurotic. I try to convince myself of that, but that sensation of discomfort follows me the rest of the day, wherever I look there is someone pointing at me or murmuring something to somebody else as I pass by.

"hey Rachel" Karen, another of the cheerleaders in my group, exclaims as she approaches me.

"hi Karen, How are you?"

"good, listen, I'm having a small party today at my house, would you like to come? We haven't hang out in such a long time"

"oh, tonight?...okay, I don't think I have anything to do" I say smiling.

"YAY, and you can bring Chip too if you want"

"alright, I'll ask him if he wants to come, thanks for inviting us dear"

"no problem, it's gonna be so much fun you'll see, plus there will be a lot of guys you can hang out with" she says winking her eye. _O-K…that was weird, really weird_. "well Rachel I have to go, see you tonight at my house, 9pm okay?"

"okay, bye" I say as I observe her walk away. Something doesn't smell right here…

Chip and I arrive at Karen's past 9.30pm. She greets us and walks us to her yard where a bunch of 25-30 other people are dancing and drinking. I know most of them; they all belong to the group of "popular people" of my High School, that same group where I've been designated to for being the hot head cheerleader. However, in spite of knowing all of them I don't feel especially comfortable tonight, that weird sensation of the morning is still bugging me, and the fact that people keep whispering and laughing while looking at me doesn't help to calm my anxiety. I drink my cup of rum and soda almost in a gulp, maybe this will clear my mind a little bit.

"Chip, Chip, come here" I call for him.

"what" I quickly grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom. "why did you bring me here?" he asks with a grin on his face.

"I need you to do me a favour"

"I'll be glad to" he says as leaning to kiss me but I place my hand on his chest to stop him.

"no, no that"

"ugh, what is it then?"

"you need to find out what's going on"

"what's going on with what?" he asks confused.

"I don't know! I think they are talking about me behind my back, the girls don't act as before around me and say very weird things, something is happening and you have to find out what it is"

"and how are you gonna pay me for this service uh?" I roll my eyes.

"I'll do whatever you want, now go and find out what they are saying, I'll wait for you here" I urge him by giving him a little push.

The wait seems to go on forever, and my wandering mind makes time go even slower. What if they know about me kissing Ross? Although that's not possible unless he himself has told everybody, which I really doubt and Monica would never sell me out. My anxiety keeps growing with every passing second and I start to believe Chip has forgotten about me when it's been fifteen minutes and he hasn't appeared. But just when I'm about to give up he opens the door, his hand on his stomach and laughing loudly.

"what? Did you find out anything?"

"yes, and it's hilarious!" he says bursting into laughter again. _Hilarious?_ I say in my head and frowning.

"stop laughing and tell me Chip!"

"okay okay, someone spread a rumor" oh my god I hope it is not the Ross thing. Oh god, oh god o god! Don't let it be the Ross thing. I pray in my head.

"a-a-a rumor? Wh-what rumor?" I ask, trembling inside. If he mentions Ross I think I may pass out.

"they say you are half man!" he says cracking up again.

"excuse me?"

"someone said you were born with both male and female reproductive parts and that your parents decided raise you as a girl, but you still have a hint of a penis." He says, not able to stop his laughter. "isn't that hilarious?"

"what? But that's ridiculous! Who is the idiot that spread such a thing?"

"I don't know, some Ron…or Ross"

"WHAT?" I feel my blood falling to my feet and leaving me completely pale and powerless.

_This cannot be true._

….

I would love to read your thoughts about it =) and thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much for the kind reviews, hope you like the next update.

….

**CHAPTER 5**

"what? But that's ridiculous! Who is the idiot that spread such a thing?"

"I don't know, some Ron…or Ross"

"WHAT?" I feel my blood falling to my feet and leaving me completely pale and powerless. This cannot be true. "D-did you just say…Ross?" I manage to ask through my barely audible voice.

"yeah, why? Do you know him?" I hear him say but I'm not able to utter any more words. My blood has frozen inside my veins, leaving my body completely numb and incapable of moving. Why on earth would ROSS make up such a thing about me? And spread it to every corner of my High School! I refuse to believe this, it must have been some other Ross, the Ross I know would never do anything to hurt me… "RACHEL!"

"WHAT!" I cry out as if I had been stirred from a deep sleep. "what?" I say clearing my dry throat.

"Didn't you hear me? I asked you if you know the guy"

"…yeah….it-it's Monica's brother…"

"really? The geek guy?" he says laughing out loud.

"it's not funny okay!" I tell him shooting him a threatening stare. "everybody thinks I have a penis!"

"okay, okay, do you want me to beat the guy?"

"NO! no, just tell people the truth, that will be enough"

…..

This is a nightmare! A big, awful nightmare! I've denied and denied that stupid rumor over and over again but as hard as I try nobody listens to my words, they'd rather believe this baseless rumor than me, the supposed Hermaphrodite! Ugh people are really insane around here!

I was hoping this would be forgotten the next day, but god was I wrong! no matter where I go the rumor keeps chasing me like a starving animal. I hear whispers, sniggering and mocking comments all around me.

Incapable of bearing the piercing stares that are fixed on me as I walk along the crowded corridor I hasten my pace towards the ladies room. However, as I'm about to push the restroom door a hand grabs my arm with strength and pulls of me. When I turn around I find Mindy and Ashley grinning.

"Are you lost dear? men's restroom is all the way down there" Mindy says pointing towards the end of the corridor. I try to fight back my increasing rage but they don't make it easy.

"ha-ha you're always the funniest Mindy!" I say with my best sarcastic tone as I make another attempt to get in the restroom but once again, she stops me.

"I'm sorry Rach, but nothing with penis is allowed in the ladies room, you know that" Ashley says. That's it, I'm not hanging out with this two brainless bitches ever again.

"are you serious? Do you ACTUALLY believe that stupid rumor? You've seen me in bikini tons of times!"

"that doesn't prove anything Rach" definitely these two top the rank of stupidity.

"is it weird having both things down there?" Ashley quickly adds with an evil smile.

"you know what, go to HELL!" I say as I walk away from them, my blood boiling with fury and trying to block out their devilish laughter. I cannot take this situation anymore, I need to find him and hear from his very own mouth the truth, and if he actually is responsible of this, boy is he going to get an earful!

I walk through the corridors seeking him, I don't care if the bell has already rung, I'm not going back to class until I find him, otherwise this whole situation will be the death of me!

Even though I really want to find out who is behind all this, inside my head I'm praying it's not him, I know I'll be deeply hurt and disappointed if it turns out to be him.

"Rach!" I hear someone call my name. When I turn around I see Monica running towards me. "Where are you going?" she says between heavy breaths when she is by my side.

"I'm looking for your DEAR brother"

"mmmh I sense a bit resentment in your voice…what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Haven't you heard about the damn rumor?"

"no, what rumor?"

"That I'm hermaphrodite"

"Herma-what?"

"Hermaphrodite Monica! A person with both female and male reproductive members!" her eyes widen in surprise as she burst into laughter. _Great!_

"and people actually believe that?"

"apparently, God Monica I cannot stand this, everybody is laughing and pointing at me all day long! And it doesn't matter if I deny it; they still believe that stupid rumor! I-I'm up to here with all this Mon!" I say placing my hand above my head.

"calm down honey, these things happen all the time, and the rumor is forgotten by the end of the week"

"I don't know Mon, this is not a small rumor, I've gone from being the envied head cheerleader to being the butt of everybody's jokes! I don't think this will be forgotten so easily"

"who spread such a thing anyway? Did you find out?"

"yes, your brother! can you believe that?"

"WHAT? My brother? no, no, no, no, that's not possible, why would he do that? Are you sure it was him?"

"that is why I'm looking for him, I want to ask him face to face! do you know where he is?"

"he didn't have class today so I guess he is at home"

"thank you" I say as I head towards the main door with sure steps.

"hey! Where the hell are you going? We have English now" Monica says following closely behind.

"I'm going to your house, let me know if the teacher sends homework" I say not breaking my way towards the exit. Monica finally gives up and stops.

"Rach you'd better treat him well, you don't know yet if it was him" she says from the distance.

"bye" I yell back.

…..

"Good Morning Judy"

"oh, Hi Rachel, what are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Ross, is he here?"

"yes, he is in his room, let me call him"

"that won't be necessary, I'll go up there" I say as I get past her and walk up the staircase. I stop right before his door. all of a sudden I become a bundle of nerves and I need to close my eyes to compose myself and before I have time to hesitate and back down my fist unconsciously knots on his door.

"Come in mom" he says.

"it's not your mom" I say cracking the door open and getting inside.

"Rachel! Wh-what are you doing here?" he says showing surprise in his voice but then he becomes serious. He stands from his desk chair and walks towards me, right away my heart starts racing inside my chest. God, I hadn't seen him since he kissed me two days ago; my knees go weak just thinking about that moment.

I observe him close the door I have left open and turns to me, asking me with his eyes why I am there. However, for some seconds I forget the reason that brought me here and all I want to do is kiss those lips, those lips that started it all. I blush under his stare while my stomach fills with those imaginary butterflies that unable your mind to think properly. Can someone explain to me when did I fall so damn hard for him? "Rachel?" I hear my name leave his mouth again and suddenly I remember everything.

"I need to ask you something" I say with my most serious tone, regaining that anger that took me here. Nonetheless, he doesn't flinch or show the slightest hint of nervousness and stays cool as I've never seen him before. Something has changed him and I don't know if I want to find out what it is.

"okay, What is it?" I gulp trying to gain some strength to look at his eyes without giving myself away.

"did you spread that rumor about me being born with a penis?"

"yes" he answers with no hesitation and a coldness in his stare that makes me shiver. His response feels like a sharp knife being driven through my chest and tearing everything it can reach inside. I cannot believe this….I was hoping he would deny it, but how stupid was I to believe that! I try to fight back the forming tears that want to break in my eyes. I don't want to show him this has affected me.

"you ass-hole! How DARE you invent such a thing about me!" I say almost in a yell of fury.

"what, don't you think it was funny?"

"No, I quite don't" I say sarcastically.

"oh well, I'm sorry if it bothered you, that wasn't my intention" he says with irony. His behaviour leaves me beyond stunned, What happened to the sweet, shy Ross I know?

"I'm sorry? Do you actually think you're gonna fix everything with an "I'm sorry"? Are you even aware of what you've done to my name?"

"I don't care about any of that, and if you came to ask that then goodbye, I already answered you question" he says turning his back on me and walking back to his desk. It takes me some seconds to react but when I do I follow him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say pushing him. He turns around with a frown.

"what's wrong with me? why don't you try asking what's wrong with yourself?"

"what are you talking about?"

"if you weren't such a heartless bitch you would know what I'm talking about" his words feels like a slap across my face. I cannot believe he has called me that.

"Ross, seriously, why are you being so rude towards me? Have I done anything to you?"

"you mean apart from referring to me as a geek and using me to have a laugh with your bitchy friends?"

"What are you talking about? I've NEVER made fun of you in front of people"

"don't play the victim with me Rachel, or are you going to say that when you kissed me your aim wasn't to tease me and laugh at me?"

"that's what you think? That I did all that because I wanted to make a fool of you?"

"no Rachel, it's not something I think, it's something I HEARD you tell Monica at your Birthday Party, yeah, right after she found us kissing, now try to deny you didn't tell her you were only teasing and playing with my feelings to have a little fun yourself?"

"I-I…." oh my god, I don't know what to say, I had no idea he had heard that conversation…now everything starts to make sense, that's why he kissed me the other day, he was paying me back. If only he knew what my real feelings are… "and why were you spying on us uh?" that's all I can come up with.

"that's not the point Rachel, god I cannot believe I had a crush on you and that I even thought you were a good girl…but how blind I was! you're just as shallow and cruel as your friends" I think I'm about to burst into tears, I've been criticized by so many people yet those words have never hurt so much as when he says them.

"so that's what you think of me?" I say, my voice in the verge of cracking.

"yup, why? do you even care what I think?"

"ugh, you know what? For being such a big geek that rumor you made up couldn't be more stupid! Me having a penis? It makes no sense!"

"then why are you so mad?"

"because everybody is making fun of me! And saying unfair stuff about me"

"it doesn't feel right, does it? now that you have tasted some of your own evil medicine think twice before playing with someone else's feelings"

"you're such a jerk! I never meant to hurt you in the first place, and it's unfair what you're doing to me"

"you didn't mean to hurt me? let me disagree with that"

"Whatever, I don't feel like listening to you anymore, now will you do me a favour and stop the fucking rumor and put an end to this?"

"mmmmh I don't really want to"

"ugh, okay, okay…I don't care, you know why? because this rumor will fade with time and I'll still be the popular girl while you will always be the geek guy no one gives a shit about! I'm so glad you're leaving this year and I won't have to see your geeky face ever again! There is no one I hate more than you right now!"

"don't you think your words bother me, I'm used to this kind of verbal abuse and I'm not glad, I'm RELIEVED that I won't see your fake person again either"

"maybe this will hurt you more" I say as I quickly grab one of those fossils-rocks he has on his bookshelf and crash it against the floor "goodbye" I say with a grin on my face while grabbing the doorknob and storming out of there. I run down the stairs with rivers of tears I finally dare to release. I hear a woman voice calling for me in the distance when I'm already outside the house, It must be Judy, but I don't turn back, I can't, I need to get as far from there as possible. I head towards my house with a hand in my chest trying to cease this agonizing pain I feel inside and that almost leaves me out of breath. I cannot believe what has just happened, Ross can't have just said those things to me and I can't have said all those things back at him. I felt like my heart was ripped off my body in that room.

When I get home I shut myself in my room before anybody can bomb me with questions, and let my body fall upon my bed. I bury my face in the pillow, trying to stop the tears that keep falling off my eyes, but it's useless, they keep coming as the pain increases. I wish I could turn back time and tell him that I love him, that I wasn't teasing him, I was simply afraid to admit the truth. But now it's all ruined, he thinks the worst of me and I cannot look at his face the same way anymore…All I want now is for summer to come as soon as possible so that I can be away from everything and everybody. Because they say time heals everything, right?

…**..**

Reviews are welcomed =)


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the lovely reviews guys! Hope you enjoy the next chapter.

CHAPTER 6

Three more weeks and summer will be over. God! Where did these past two months go? I guess when you are having fun time simply slips through your fingers. Summer camp was superb, I'm so glad Monica and I decided to go there this year. The people we met there were beyond wonderful and nothing judgemental, plus being away from everything was a huge relief. However, returning home brought back the hell I went through the last two weeks before vacations. I barely left my room, I couldn't; Going to High School became a nightmare I couldn't wake up from, whispers and sniggers would follow me everywhere I went. Against my expectations, the rumor never ceased and it even expanded to other high schools; the whole situation was horrible and nerve-wracking. Nonetheless, that was not the worst part; my fight with Ross would haunt me every single night, reminding me the stupid mistake I made by not telling him the truth from the very beginning. If I had known this would cause me so much pain I would have never initiated the teasing game. Actually…I wish I hadn't played that stupid "truth or dare" game in the first place, none of these problems would have exited if that day had never happened.

I ended up confessing all the truth to Monica the day after my fight with Ross; I had to in order to explain why her brother had done such a thing to hurt me. She was shocked and mad at me for a few days, very reasonable, but in the end she was glad I had revealed the truth she suspected all along. For a while she kept encouraging me to speak with Ross and clarify the situation, but I didn't have the guts, not after all the shitty things we said to one another…plus he would never believe me…

I miss him, I never let Monica know but I do, I miss him so damn much it's becoming unbearable. Thank god he is not in town, otherwise I would have done something stupid just to see him, I know myself, and that would have gotten me into trouble and even more pain.

I put the last things on my backpack and before I leave my room my eyes catch a glimpse of the small silver heart lying on my desk. As much as I wanted to throw it away I couldn't, I wanted to keep it for some strange reason.

I close my bedroom door and after saying goodbye to my parents I leave for Monica's.

"Mon thank you so much for letting me stay with you this weekend" I say as I unpack the clothes I brought "who would have thought my parents would wait for me to arrive from my vacation to paint the whole house" I say rolling my eyes, I think they just want me off the house and that's their own personal way to let me know.

"no problem honey, I love having you here" she says with a big smile.

"awww, I love being with you too" I say giving her a sweet hug. "we have to make plans for the weekend, do you want to do something tonight?" I ask as I hang some of my clothes in her closet.

"we could go to the movies…" she suggests.

"sounds fine to me, and we could go shopping tomorrow! I need to buy a new cocktail dress and I'd love it if you could help me choose it"

"of course I'll help you, what do you need it for?"

"you know Stephanie?"

"the head cheerleader of Crossroads High School? Yeah"

"well, she is having a summer farewell party in two weeks and she invited me, and it looks like it's going to be a very fancy one"

"that's nice"

"yeah…oh! by the way, how was your reencounter with your dear boyfriend, did he miss you?" I ask while grabbing her hand and bringing her to her bed to have a chat. Unpacking can wait.

"it was…nice" she said, unable to hide the huge grin in her face.

"what's that grin about?" I ask when I notice her blushed cheeks and her timid look "Oh my god, did something happen?" her smile grows wider and I take that for a yes.

"did you guys do it?" I say, my eyes almost popping out of their sockets.

"uh-huh" she says nodding, her eyes shining with happiness.

"oh my god Monica! When? How? Where was it? I want details!"

"It…was at his house, the same day we arrived"

"really? Oh my god! So it wasn't planned?"

"not at all, it just…happened"

"aww, but tell me more Mon! how was it? did you like it?"

"It….it was amazing Rach" she says, not able to keep her lips together "it hurt a little and it didn't last for long but…it was so romantic…and he was so caring and thoughtful…I was on cloud 9"

"awww, look at you! You're so in love" I say grabbing her hand and rubbing it with affection.

"I know" she says smiling from ear to ear.

"I'm so, SO happy for you honey" I say as I wrap her in a tight hug.

"thanks, what about you? How did Chip welcome you?"

"ugh, don't even mention him"

"what? Why?"

"well, first of all he showed no emotion when seeing me, and then…we spent the afternoon playing those damn games of him…again. I haven't even seen him since then"

"let me ask you something…why are you still with him?"

"honestly…I have no idea. I-I think…I-I just don't want to break up and give people more reasons to trash about me, imagine the things they'll make up to jeopardize my image again"

"Rachel you should stop worrying about what people think about it, you'll never be happy that way"

"Easier said than done, you aren't the center of everybody's attention at school"

"well, sorry if I'm not as popular as you are"

"Mon I didn't mean it that way, I'm just saying…It's hard not to care when every single person around you judges your every movement…"

"but a lot of people admire you as well Rach, not everything is bad"

"since the rumor came out? I don't think so"

"the rumor again? Rach I told you to forget about it, if you let your insecurities show people will remember it and this situation will never end. Just act like you don't care and the rumor will disappear like that" she says snapping her fingers. "if you don't let it go nor will the rest"

"I hope you are rig-" a loud sound coming from outside distracts me. "Is that a horn?" I say, unconsciously looking towards the window.

"it sounds like it" Monica says raising her eyebrow in confusion.

"didn't you say your parents were away for the weekend?"

"that was the plan" she says as she stands from her bed and walking towards the window. "oh my god!" she exclaims as she quickly turns to me, her face completely pale.

"what? What happened?"

"they are back"

"who is back?"

"my parents and my…brother" she says biting her lip.

"WHAT? Monica you better be kidding me!"

"I'm sorry…I thought he had moved to his college already"

"oh my god Monica! How could you do this to me? You perfectly know how things are between your brother and me!"

"Rach I swear I didn't know he was coming!"

"Monica?" we hear Judy's voice coming from downstairs.

"I'm out of here, I cannot sleep here if he'll be around" I say standing up and grabbing my things but Monica quickly takes them away from my hands.

"hey!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you go anywhere."

"you cannot be serious Mon, what do you want, us fighting 24 hours a day?"

"don't be silly! He'll probably spend the days in his bedroom, you know him; you won't have to deal with him much, only during lunch and dinner"

"well that's enough for me to want to leave"

"stop acting like a little girl, Don't you think it's time to fix things up?"

"There is nothing to be fixed Mon, he hates me I hate him that's end of the story"

"well you didn't tell me that two months ago" I shot her a cold stare.

"I don't love him anymore okay?" I say in a murmur "that was all before our fight"

"yeah right"

"whatever, I don't have time for this" I say stealing my backpack from her hands. "how can I leave without being seen?"

"turning invisible?"

"ha-ha, funny, now help me before they come up here!"

"Monica come down! Your brother is here" her father calls for her this time. I start to really freak out, I don't think I have time to escape unnoticeably now.

"come with me" she says grabbing my hand but I quickly release it.

"no way, Are you crazy? I made it pretty clear I didn't want to see him ever again, he'll call me hypocrite if he sees me here"

"god Rach! you two need to get over this, plus how are you supposed to not see him ever again if you're my best friend, you would see him sooner or later"

"well I'd rather it be later"

"I'm afraid that's not your choice, now c'mon down" she grabs my hand again, with more strength so that I cannot escape and I have to give up, it's useless to keep on protesting, sometimes Monica can be even more stubborn than I am.

She pulls of me and we leave her room, my body shaking severely; I've never felt more scared in my life. What is he gonna say when he sees me there? Better yet, What am I gonna tell him to explain my presence in his house? Oy!

When we reach the top of the stairs and look down I release a sigh of relief; I don't see Ross anywhere, only Judy and Jack and some random guy are there, _phew!_ maybe Monica confused him with her brother.

"good lord what did you put in here son?" I hear Jack say. _Son? What son?_ I become nervous again, expecting to see Ross eventually appearing through the door.

"just some stuff dad" the random guy replies. _What the hell?_ I observe him more carefully now and my heart starts beating fast inside my chest. _No way_…

"Mon? Is…is that your…brother?" I manage to ask, not able to believe what I had before my own eyes.

"I…think so" she says, with the same astonished expression I'm wearing. "Hey brother!" she shouts as she runs down the stairs, leaving me up there all alone. Oh my god! What do I do now? What do I do! My eyes uncontrollably move from one side to another, looking at nowhere and everywhere, I just don't want to be caught staring at him. But it's so damn hard, I'm curious, that guy cannot be Ross! Where the hell is his long curly hair? Where is his facial hair? And his geeky clothes?

I observe him wrapping his arms around Monica and giving her a tight hug while my head cannot stop picturing that scene with me between his arms. His eyes suddenly meet mine and I instantly freeze; now he knows I'm there, oh god! _Can I just crawl into a hole and disappear? _

I look away and back again several times, but his eyes remain fixed on me the whole time and I cannot help but blush under his intense gaze. His lips smile briefly, was that for me? Even if it wasn't my body fills with happiness without my permission…

…And the butterflies are back. _Damn it!_

"oh Hello Rachel dear, I hadn't seen you up there" Judy's voice brings me back to reality. His eyes finally moved away from me and I can breathe at last.

"Hi Judy, Hi Jack" I say smiling as I slowly walk down the steps; although inside I'm terrified to get closer to him, but I have to pretend I'm fine with his presence.

"Mom, Rachel will be staying here the next three days, is that okay?"

"of course, she can sleep over whenever she wants." She replies, rubbing my arm up and down.

"thank you so much Judy"

"no problem, how are your parents by the way? Haven't seen them in a long time" she asks me, but it takes me a while to process the question since my mind is focused on him being next to me, just some inches away. I avoid looking at him but I feel the weight of his stare in my skin, he must be calling me all names noiselessly.

"they are alright, in the process of painting the whole house"

"send them regards from us, will you?"

"sure"

"I'm hungry" Jack interferes; all of us turn our gazes to him and he shrugs his shoulders.

"Monica, go cook something for your father"

"but Mom Rachel is here, I don't want to leave her alone"

"oh that's alright Mon, I'll unpack the rest of my stuff while you're in there" I politely say but I'm dead scared to be left alone with Ross.

"thanks honey, now excuse me, I need to make some important calls" Judy says as she heads to the living room.

"you sure?" Monica asks me, I can read in her eyes she is truly worried about me.

"yeah, go. I'll wait for you upstairs"

"okay…" she says not very convinced "so what do you feel like eating, dad?" I hear Monica's voice fading as she and Jack walk away form the hallway we are in.

_oh god. What do I do now?_ I know he is right there; he hasn't moved or pronounced a word for several minutes. As much as I try I can't seem to find the strength to face him right now, but this uncomfortable situation is killing me and I have to do something. I think of the rumor and all the pain he caused me and that finally gives me enough courage to turn around and face him.

I cannot describe all the feelings that suddenly overtake my body when my eyes meet his. Now that I'm face to face with him I can see how different he looks, it's like he is not the same guy I last saw two months ago, he just looks so…hot! So damn hot I feel like crying. He wants to torture me, doesn't he? The silence goes on for what feels like an eternity. Why doesn't he say something? isn't he surprised I'm there or what?

Not able to bear this stillness anymore I turn around, ready to go to Monica's room. But then his voice sounds.

"Rachel wait"

Thanks for reading and reviews are very appreciated :)


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

"Rachel wait" a great puff of air gets caught in my throat when his voice calls my name and I think I may choke in that very moment.

"yes?" I say turning around with a faked indifferent expression in my face. Again, I'm such a good actress.

"what are you doing here?" he finally asks.

"emmm, we are having our house painted…weren't you here when Monica mentioned it before?" I say frowning in pretended confusion.

"yes, but I mean why? If I remember correctly you said you never wanted to see me again" his confidence as speaking strikes me. I had never imagined him being this strong-minded.

"yes, and don't you think I've changed my mind" I reply with his same arrogance, I'm not willing to be the weak one here ha!

"then why are you here? Don't you have other friends to annoy?"

"oh, I see that makeover camp you went to didn't work on your rudeness"

"no, I saved every bit of it for you"

"how nice of you" I say sarcastically. "what are you doing here anyway? I thought you had already moved to your college"

"not until next month"

"bummer"

"so…it seems I'll have to deal with you the next three days?"

"I'm afraid so, I don't like it either but you happen to be my best friend's brother"

"Unfortunately, I don't get why Monica is still friends with you, she is so different from the kind of person you are"

"you better not get in that subject" I say pointing my index at him "And if I annoy you so much just shut yourself in your room like always, I'm sure your dinosaurs toys missed you very much" I say with a bitchy smile as I turn around and initiate my way to Monica's room. I don't look back nor do I hear any response from him. it looks like I've won this battle.

I get in Monica's room and exhale all the air that had been trapped in my lungs during our argument. This keeps getting harder and harder.

"Monica, I'm camping out in your room for the next three days, you're in charge of bringing me the food when I'm hungry" I inform her as soon as she opens the door to her bedroom.

"what happened now?" she says exhaling noisily while closing the door behind her.

"your brother, that happened. He is still picking on me!" I say standing up from her bed and crossing my arms over my chest.

"did you follow his lead?"

"of course!"

"then don't come complaining"

"what! what do you expect me to do, shut up and listen how he insults me?"

"exactly, if you keep adding fuel to the fire this situation can go on forever"

"well, he'll have to stop first, I'm not letting him call me names and get away with it"

"ugh, you two are such children" she says shaking her head from side to side while sitting on her desk chair. I sit back on the bed, right in front of her.

"he IS the child, I should be the angry one in this play after what he did to me, don't you think? not the other way around"

"yeah okay, but don't start again, I've heard this story dozens of times already, will you try to act civilly the next time you see him? and if he keeps picking on you just ignore him, don't play along okay?"

"okay…" I say resigned "but…Can we at least dine out before going to the movies tonight? I don't want to face him again today"

"sounds fine with me"

"you can invite your boyfriend if you want" I say, smiling at how her face lights up.

"thank you" she says beaming with happiness "I'm gonna call him right now. Are you gonna invite Chip too?"

"I guess so…I don't want to be the third wheel"

…

After Monica and I grab dinner at a pizza place, we head towards the cinema. When we are almost at the entrance of the building I notice how Monica quickens her pace until she stops before a guy, who encircles his arms around her waist and kisses her with ardour, So that must be Chandler…

I slowly reach them and uncomfortably wait for them to stop the kissing.

"Hi" he says once they have stopped, not breaking the embrace for a mere second.

"so you are Chandler I suppose, nice to meet you" I say with a smile and extending my hand to him, which he grabs and shakes frantically.

"and you are the hermaphrodite" he says, obviously kidding but my smile fades faster than a shooting star.

"Chandler!" Monica reprimands him.

"sorry, I was kidding, I know it's not true, in fact I helped Ross make up the rumor" he says in smirks.

"thank you for that" I say with a deadpan expression. I can feel rage burning through my veins, but I control it, for Monica's sake.

"you'd better stop talking now" Monica whispers. "what movie should we watch?" Monica quickly says to cut the tension.

"I-I`m sorry…I didn't mean to bother you, I-I tend to joke too much when I'm nervous" he says with uneasiness.

"that's alright" I smile briefly, Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

After this unfortunate incident that almost made me want to pouch him in the face, we hold a surprisingly nice conversation that immediately changes my conception of him. he is actually really nice once he has overcome the initial tenseness and I must admit I like Chandler for Monica, in spite of the first not-so-good impression, he seems to worship her very much.

As expected Chip arrives fifteen minutes later so when we get inside the theatre the lights are off and we've missed the trailers. Fifteen minutes into the movie I lose all interested, action movies are not my thing. Bored, I cannot help but glance at them from the corner of my eyes throughout the movie. They look so adorable; they've barely kept their eyes fixed on the screen for longer than five minutes; I can even hear the sweet nothings they are whispering to each other.

A hand copping my right boob drags me out of my thoughts. I look down at the hand and then I turn to look at my left where my _dear _boyfriend is sitting. I find him gazing at the screen while putting a bunch of popcorns in his mouth with his other hand. He doesn't even look at him, Romanticism at its finest.

"seriously?" I say as I slap his hand off my boob.

"what?" he says frowning, oblivious to why I'm giving him such a serious look.

"nothing" I say as I cross my arms over my chest and direct my eyes back to the screen while my head screams in frustration. Then I look back at Monica and Chandler, they are lost into each other's eyes as if the people around them didn't exist. Why can't I have that? Uh?

We get home little after midnight and to my relief everybody is sleeping. We put our pj's on and lay in our respective beds before initiating our usual pre-sleeping chat.

"so what do you think of Chandler" she asks smiley as she lies on her side and looks at me with hopeful eyes.

"emmm…leaving out the first few moments of meeting him…I think he is a pretty nice guy"

"yeah don't take that seriously, he becomes a mess when he is nervous"

"I could see that yeah, but he seems nice, I can say he reciprocates your love" I say winking my eye.

"you know…tomorrow it's our fifth month anniversary" she says, with that characteristic in-love smile.

"wow already? Congratulations sweetie"

"yes, and he is preparing something special for me at his place"

"oh please don't tell me you're gonna leave me alone" I say pouting.

"…I'm so sorry Rach…I…can't you hang out with your other girlfriends tomorrow night?"

"with those bitches? I'd rather stay home" I say, not able to hide the disgust I feel whenever they come up in a conversation.

"what about Chip" I fell into silence. _Should I tell her?_

"not a good idea…I-I…I think I'm gonna break up with him…"

"WHAT?" she exclaims, lifting her body to look at me in surprise

"I just…watching you two tonight opened my eyes Mon, I'm not in love with him, not even close, he makes me feel like a piece of furniture when I'm with him, and I'm rather tired"

"are you serious about this"

"yes, very serious"

"I'm happy for you then, you deserve better, Chip might be handsome and all that but he has no brains"

"thank you" I mumble with a brief smile.

"when are you…breaking up with him?"

"probably after Stephanie's party…I don't want to be the center of attention at the party and that's what would happen if I do it before"

"well…I'm glad to see you are so determined, and…if you want me to I can tell Chandler to postpone our date…it's not a big deal"

"oh no, don't be silly, I'll figure something to do, shopping is still up though right?"

"of course! And…I also need you to do me a favour" she says biting her lip as if she was afraid to say what she is about to ask.

"what is it?"

"can you find out what's Ross doing tomorrow night?"

"excuse me?"

"what if he happens to show up at his house? He doesn't know I'm dating Chandler and if he finds out without me telling him first he will want to kill him"

"I understand but sweetie you're missing a small detail here, I don't get along with your brother, how on earth am I going to ask him such thing?"

"pleaaaase Rach" she begs again, giving me a sad look.

"can't your boyfriend tell him not to come tomorrow?" I try to find every possible solution that could save me from having to confront Ross again.

"he can, but it may look suspicious…please, it's just a question" I roll my eyes.

"ugh…okay, I'll try, but I can't promise you anything!"

"thank you thank you thank you!" she says jumping from her bed and hugging me.

The next morning, before we are about to leave to do some shopping Monica drags me downstairs without giving any explanation.

"okay he is alone, ask him now" I hear Monica say as we stop right outside the kitchen. I turn around to look her, totally freaked out by her words.

"what! now?" I exclaim in a jolt of alarm. _oh my god_ _I'm so not prepared for this right now._

"yes, he is having breakfast, it's the perfect moment" she says as she gives me a little push towards the door.

"wait wait wait! H-h-how do I ask him?" my body fills with terror just thinking I'm gonna have to face him in a matter of a few seconds.

"I don't know, you're the one good at this, make something up!"

"ugh okay-okay…but just so you know, I hate you for making me do this" I say before turning around, taking a deep breath and entering the kitchen.

I immediately freeze in my tracks when I find him in front of the stove, cooking pancakes. Although that's not what has surprised me and left me spellbound, but the fact that he is doing all that shirtless; yeah shirtless! Exposing his bronzed skin and toned muscles. _When did he get those anyway?_ The only sight of this awakens every single sleeping hormone in my body. _I hate him! _I try to compose myself and pretend as if I hadn't seen nothing…anything…_oh god._

"Hi" I say as I pass by him on my way to the glass cabinet. Cup of water…he and I all alone in the kitchen…this whole situation feels like a Deja-vu; actually I wish it was one of those other times.

"Hello…" he says hardly looking at me. I cannot do this, how am I going ask him what his plans for tonight are when I'm supposedly not interested in anything that involves him? I simply can't, it's crazy!

I'm about to lose my nerve but to my surprise he speaks again "do you want some pancakes?" _Was he just nice with me?_

"you're offering me pancakes?"

"yes…why are you so surprised?" he says while putting the pancakes on a plate. When he turns around to walk to the table my eyes move to his abdomen by instinct, and when I realize what I'm doing I force them away as I blush in embarrassment. _please let him not have noticed it_

"well…it's just odd coming from you…"

"I'm simply trying to bear with you, for my sister's sake. We have to see each other for a while so it'd be better if we respected each other, don't you think?"

"yeah…you're right" astonished, that's how I am right at this moment.

"so, Do you want some? they are not poisoned if that's what worries you"

"no I'm fine..,but thanks" he shrugs his shoulders as he sits at the table. Okay, let's do it now and run out of here, otherwise I'm not gonna be able to say a single word.

"Ross can I…ask you something?"

"sure…"

"are you…doing something tonight? I mean…like going out?" he looks at me a bit estranged; I'm actually surprised his reaction wasn't bigger.

"I don't think so…I've got things to do, why?"

"oh nothing…" think something, think something! "…just wondering if your social life was as sad as always, bye" I say as I quickly head to the exit. _god, that was so mean… _why couldn't I think of anything else? _I'm so stupid!_

"God you owe me a big one after this Monica" I say as soon as I'm safely away from the kitchen. I didn't even have time to see his reaction, but I already know he is going to get back at me for this, one way or another.

"so what did he say?" she asks expectant.

"he said he has things to do so he won't go out tonight, you're safe"

"thank you!" she says hugging me with enthusiasm.

"can we go now? I REALLY need some fresh air"

…..

Shopping was the perfect therapy after the unpleasant situation of this morning. It managed to evade me from everything else for a few hours. However, when we get to Monica's a wave of regret washes over me again. I shouldn't have said such thing to him…let alone when he was attempting to make things work between us, or at least avoid more hostile situations. I think I should apologize to him, yes…I need to apologize…but how? When? Where?

Once in her bedroom we drop the dozens of bags on the floor.

"I cannot believe I ended up buying so much stuff, my dad is gonna kill me when he sees the hole on his credit card" I say as I start to get the clothes off the bags and place them over Monica's bed.

"don't worry, he is used to it by now" Monica jokes and I give her a little push.

"thanks for helping me choose the dress by the way"

"no problem, it's a gorgeous dress and looks fantastic on you, you're gonna steal so many thunders AND hearts at that party"

"aww you're so sweet, although I really, really hope that's not the case, the least I want now is more attention, I'm still a bit scared to go and see they still remember the stupid rumor"

"you'll see no one remembers a thing, it's been over two months!"

"I hope you are right…anyway, nervous for tonight?"

"a little bit" she says with a shy smile. "Have you finally made any plans for tonight yourself?"

"nah…but don't worry, I'll stay here and read a book or something"

"okay…but please, pleeease make sure no one sees you are here, As far as they know I'll be hanging out with you"

"I won't leave this room, I promise"

"thank you"

"now, I'm gonna go for a swim while you get ready okay? I wanna try my new bikini before the summer comes to an end"

"okay, but be here before seven!"

"promise" I say as I grab my towel and my new fuchsia bikini.

I open the backyard door, towel in hand and yearning for some relaxing time, but my luck loves making me suffer so guess who is standing by the swimming pool holding a pool cleaner? Exactly. I'm starting to believe someone is playing a joke on me and all this will appear in some TV show by next month. For a second I hesitate whether I want to sunbath after all…he will probably be there making harsh remarks about me… or maybe this is my chance to apologize…okay, let's do it.

I quietly close the door to the backyard and he notices me right away but he decides to ignore me. Awesome! I leave my towel on one of the deck chairs and stand there aimlessly. Then I realise my mind has gone blank while I've been staring at him for quite some time; since when watching a guy in swimming trucks affects me so much? I really don't understand myself. I only thank god he is giving me his back and cannot see how flustered I am at the moment. I take a few calming breaths before walking to where he is, but it doesn't work to get rid of the knots in my stomach and it takes a while for my mouth to pronounce words.

"what are you doing?" stupid question I know, but I had to break the ice by some means.

"isn't it obvious?" he says in a sharp reply without stopping his cleaning duty. This is going to be hard.

"Ross…can I talk to you for a second?" I say grabbing the device from his hands so he'll have to stop and look at me.

"about what?" he says, finally turning to face me, my hormones immediately react to his closeness and I have to make a huge effort to focus on what I want to say and not on what I want to do, or touch for that matter.

"about this morning…"

"okay…speak" he says after a small pause.

"I…I-I just wanted to…to…" I try to say but cannot go on, not when he is observing me from head to toes as if he were inspecting my body "what are you doing?" I harshly say placing my hands on my waist to emphasise anger.

"I'm sorry I was just… you look so beautiful" his unexpected words make my heart skip a beat and I forget whatever I was going to say. _Did he just compliment me?_ I can feel my heart thumping uncontrollably inside my chest and blood throbbing through my ears. _Did I hear well?_

"what?" I manage to say. I'm dumbfounded, astonished, thrilled? You name it.

"I said you look beautiful…that bikini, it really fits you" I looked down at my body and blush furiously. I know I'm wearing a bikini, yet I feel completely naked under his intense stare.

"well…thank you…" I say clearing my voice and looking up again to meet his eyes, but he is still looking at my body. _Oh gosh, stop it now!_

"and…you certainly don't have a penis for what I can see" his soft voice saying those things is turning me on so damn much that it's getting harder for me to keep composed and oblivious to his words.

"no I don't" I say in a whisper, silence surround us while he keeps looking down at my body and I trying to block the increasing heat I'm feeling. "are you done?" I say trying to sound indifferent.

"yeah…" he says clearing his voice and finally returning his gaze to my face "sorry…and don't worry, you are beautiful, but your hideous personality makes you look like a wrinkled old lady in my eyes" he says with a triumphant smile. I suddenly feel like I've been pushed from a plane without parachute and all I want to do is yell at his face all kinds of things. However, instead of that my rage comes out through my hands as I angrily push him with all my strength to the swimming pool. I grin as I see in slow motion how he beats his arms to prevent the fall, but then a strong grip on my wrist pulls of me and I feel how a sudden coolness covers my skin. I'm rather disoriented for a moment but then I realise I'm inside the pool too.

"you idiot!" I cry out when I find his grinning face in front of me. I swim the last few inches that apart us and attempt to duck him under the water in revenge. Wrong move, he soon grabs my wrists and immobilizes me.

"what are you trying to do, uh?"

"See if I can wash off your stupidity" I snap as I try to escape from his grip.

"good idea, let me try that" he says before pushing me down into the water, so quickly that I almost choke.

"you're such an ass-hole!" I manage to mutter before he deeps me in water again. I revolve and revolve to free myself but it's useless.

"stop it jerk!"

"wow, it looks like your mouth is very dirty" he says as he sinks me once again.

"okay okay okay! I give up" I say in between coughs "I give up…but let me go, my wrists are hurting" I say faking pain. He finally releases me, and I take advantage of the moment to quickly place my hands on his head and push him downwards. Fuck him if he thought I was going to quit that easily.

I rapidly swim away to reach the steps and leave the pool but a hand traps my ankle and drags me back to him. _damn it!_ I hardly have time to react when he grabs me by my shoulders and pins me up against the wall of the swimming pool.

"now what, you can't move, can you?" he says with superiority.I shoot him a fuming stare.

"let-me-go"

"what if I don't want to?"

"that my knee and your crotch will have a less than pleasant encounter" I warn him with a wicked smile. He immediately places one of his legs in between mine, getting rid of the space between our bodies to fully immobilize me. _I don't like this. _Our bodies slightly brushing and his face being mere inches from mine makes me more nervous –and hot- than I can put into words.

"try that now" he challenges me. He is so close I can feel his breathing in my face when he talks to me.

"congrats, I can't move, you have proved you're stronger than I am, will you let me go now?" I say, trying to hide the uneasiness that this closeness provokes on me.

"Why are you so nervous?" he asks.

"I-I I'm not nervous"

"y-y-yes you are" he says imitating me. "do I make you nervous?" he whispers in my ear. _Can I just die please?_

"you? make ME nervous? Ha!"

"then why are you trembling?"

"I'm not trembling; in fact I'm perfectly fine" I say with a smirk.

"so am I…"

"no wonder, I bet being this close to me was always one of your all time dreams, well enjoy while you can" I say provokingly.

"are you sure it's not the other way around?" he says raising an eyebrow.

"you wish! You're so wrong if you think I'm gonna fall for you just because you're hot now"

"…you think I'm hot?" my eyes widen in surprise. oh gosh, did I say that? _I take it back I take it back!_

"no…" I move my eyes away trying to hide my embarrassment. great!

"yes you do" he says with a smile, such beautiful smile that it makes butterflies grow in my stomach even thought I'm deeply angry at him. _I hate this!_

"so what?, it doesn't matter 'cause inside you're still the same geek guy everybody feels pity for"

"no problem, I haven't changed my mind about you either, how many guys have you teased this summer by the way?"

"ugh, you're such a jerk!" I shake my body to release myself, but as much as I try it's impossible "I can't believe I wanted to apologize to you before"

"you wanted to apologize?" he says in a chuckle.

"yes! I actually felt bad for having insulted you this morning when you were being nice to me, but I guess it was a momentary thing because you're still the same idiot"

"I got it from you, I guess idiocy is contagious" he says shrugging. I feel so indignant right now that it makes my strength grow and I manage to push him away and kick him in his sensitive area, which triggers a painful shriek from his throat.

"enjoy your bath" I say as swim away and leave him there twisting in pain. I don't feel happy about it, but he earned it!

I grab my towel and leave the backyard as fast as possible; I'm so mad right now I could break into pieces whatever object that may get on my way.

"what's that face?" Monica ask when I walk through her door and she sees my irritated expression.

"ugh don't ask" the least I want right now is to talk about him. "oh my god Monica, you look amazing" I say when I finally observe her calmly.

"thank you" she says smiling from ear to ear.

"Chandler's jaw will make a hole on the floor when he sees you"

"shut up" she says shyly.

"are you leaving already?"

"yes, in thirty minutes…my parent went out with some friends so you'll just have to be careful that Ross doesn't see you"

"oh that won't be a problem. I so do NOT want to see him"

"okay, well…are you sure you know what you have to do?"

"yes, make sure no one sees me…It's not that difficult Mon"

"sorry" she says in a chuckle "I'm just so nervous"

"aww calm down Mon, I'm sure this night will be unforgettable for you"

"I'm sure too" she smiles "so…I think it's time for "us" to leave" she says looking through her window.

"well, have fun honey!" I say as I give her a hug "and I want to know everything when you come back"

"sure! Thanks, bye"

I had planned everything pretty well: I had brought food, drinks, magazines and even books to spend the night locked in Monica's bedroom and make as little noise as possible. However, I didn't think it through completely… it didn't occur to me that when you drink…you need to pee as well. And here I am, damning Monica for not having a bathroom in her room. But I'm so scared to leave the room and find him that I haven't even considered going to the bathroom, until I can't hold it anymore and I really need to go. I silently crack the door open and peek to check he is not around. Thankfully the corridor is in complete darkness so I quickly tiptoe to the bathroom as if I were running away from a murderer. I get into the bathroom and lock the door as I let out a sigh, feeling temporarily safe.

"what are you doing here?" I turn around beyond stunned and find him in front of the washstand looking at me wide-eyed. I cannot blink, I cannot breath, I cannot find words to excuse my presence. Oh god, what if he asks about Monica!

"I-I…I…" _damn it! think coherently! Say something!_

"have you come to kick me again? because I'm served, thank you" he says straight-faced.

"no, of course not" I nervously say.

"weren't you supposed to be with Monica? Where is she?" _there it is, oh god. Dear mind of mine make something up! Something believable!_

"yes…yes I was but…I-I left earlier…"

"why?" he says getting closer to me.

"because…I needed to talk to you…" _what?_

"again? seriously Rachel I don't understand you, first you say you never want to see my face again and yet you keep appearing everywhere, what would you possibly want to tell me now?" he says as he gets even closer, I take some steps backwards, keeping the distance between us, until my back comes up against a surface and I have to stop. _Who the hell put that door there? _"are you gonna speak or what? if you have something to tell me, whatever it is, say it now. I'm tired of this situation I want to get over with this already" I gulp the giant lump in my throat as I try to come up with something but the pressure of the moment makes my mind work slower and the silence starts to become agonizing. _Say something for god's sake! And don't make this worse!_

"look Rach if you came to insul-"

"I love you okay!" I hear myself shouting. I go instantly pale when I see his shocked expression and rehear my own words. I cannot have said that! My eyes widen as my hands fly to cover my mouth, as if that would bring my words back and fix the situation. But no, I've said it and he has heard it, and I feel like dying right in this spot. I close my eyes and pray to disappear. I'm definitely the stupidest human on earth!

I'd love you read your opinions! And thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you guys for the reviews and I'm sorry for the delay. I'm in the middle of finals and I don't have much time to write.

…..

**CHAPTER 8**

Time seems to have stopped still after I pronounced those words. He hasn't said a thing nor have I; what would I say anyway? I've screwed this up already, and fixing situations is certainly not my thing. A chuckle exiting his mouth draws me out of my thoughts and I have to open my eyes to make sure I'm hearing well. _Why the hell is he laughing?_ This isn't funny!

"Is this another one of your jokes?" he says looking straight into my eyes; I try to seem serene but I cannot hide my surprise. Of All the reactions I was expecting from him, this one did not cross my mind. "are you playing that truth or dare game again?" he says raising an eyebrow and closing distances between us. "I bet all your bitchy friends are out there giggling and waiting for me to act like a fool, but you know what?…" he murmurs as he closes on me even more. I squeeze my back against the wall, scared of what he may do. Maybe if I keep trying I'll get some kind of superpower that will allow me to trespass the door and run away from this! _What? Weirder things have happened in this world! _However, when he places both his hands on the wall, leaving me in between, I realise there's nothing I can do, I'm trapped and left to his mercy. "…I'm not willing to be the butt of the joke this time" he continues, talking dangerously near my face. I nervously look away from him and direct my eyes to his hands, seeking an escape, but at the same time my body doesn't want to move. "Tell me the truth, is this a joke?" he says with a bit of a challenging tone in his voice. I raise my eyes and meet his intense stare.

"I-…" _what the hell!_ _I don't want to give him the reason! _But what could I possible say to justify my confession? I suddenly become a nervous wreck when words won't come out of my mouth. When did I lose my ability to tease him? I should be the one making him nervous, not the other way around.

"don't wanna say anything? I'm warning you…I'm not gonna stop unless you tell me the truth…" his whispering voice seeps into my head, pushing all my sanity away. I know I shouldn't, that it'd be like feeding the beast with my own hands, but I'm dying to know what is that 'he is not gonna stop'. From the corner of my eyes I notice how his right hand slowly slides down the wall; I don't know what his intentions are but god! _Do something already, whatever you want! But break this silence, I beg you._ I timidly look back at him and that's when, in a quick motion, his arm encircles my waist and pulls me into his body as his lips catch mine. My legs lose strength right away, and I feel like I'm standing on two sticks of jelly instead. His lips forcefully part mine and I don't offer resistance when his tongue invades my mouth. _Gosh, have I longed for a kiss like this one_. I grab on both sides of his t-shirt for a needed support and give myself to the moment. Who cares right now if he thinks I'm lying? I can't worry about such thing when his lips are kissing me so delightfully.

After some seconds of dizziness, my lips respond to his wonderful movements but just then his mouth moves away from mine and I feel abandoned. when I'm about to open my eyes thinking he had already given up on the teasing, I feel how his wet lips travel to my neck and begin to nibble at my skin there, setting off a pleasant chill that runs down my spine and makes me shiver. My throat emits a gasp that I immediately regret; oh _god, he is going to think I'm enjoying it!_ _be cool Rachel!_ that cannot happen, although…who am I kidding? I AM enjoying it…if only he wasn't doing this just out of hate. An alarm sets off in my head when his hands start to slide down my back; I need to stop this sweet torture, he is just getting back at me; but how can I? when it feels so damn good. True he is a geek, but his kisses make my head spin like no one has before. But I need to stop this…even if my body is begging me otherwise. Gosh, these contradictory feelings cannot be good for my health.

I finally find the strength to put my hands on his chest and push him away.

"What do you think you're doing!" I shout as I rub the back of my hand over my lips, pretending to be offended.

"I told you I wasn't going to be the butt of the joke this time"

"and this is your solution? you don't have the right to take advantage of me like that!"

"and you do? Why do you seem so offended anyway? Just admit that was your intention" I clench my teeth in an attempt to control my anger.

"…what if I told you I wasn't lying? That I truly love you?" I say looking straight into his eyes, I don't care anymore if he knows I love him, but I don't aim to be the bitch in this story again.

"…that I wouldn't believe you, you're Rachel Green, you're not capable of loving anyone beyond your own clothes and stuff"

"you're so, so wrong" I say shaking my head unable to hide my irritation.

"Am I? then explain this to me…why are you here? teasing another guy when you already have a boyfriend? If you really loved him you wouldn't be doing this kind of things behind his back"

"that's not your business and why don't you just find yourself a girlfriend and stop bothering me!"

"don't blame this on me, you're the one who follows me around, plus you'll be surprised to know that I already have a girlfriend" my heart stops, literally.

"…you do?" I manage to say pokerfaced, but inside I'm feeling how my heart is pouring blood through the big hole that sentence had so brutally dug on it.

"yes, why? is it so difficult for you to believe that someone may like me for who I am? Not everybody is as shallow as you dear Rachel" _thank you for pouring salts on the wound. _I feel like saying, but I don't.

"…call me whatever you want, I'm not willing to argue with you again, I'm sick and tired of hearing the same stupid things over and over again, but just so you know, you're being unfair with me and one day you'll regret all you've said to me, good bye" I say, shooting him a last hateful look before unlocking the door and slamming it behind me. I race towards Monica's bedroom debating whether I'm more furious, disappointment or heartbroken. Safely inside the bedroom, I let tears flood my eyes. I haven't felt stupider in my life, but this won't happen again, I know I've said it before but this time is for sure; If I need to cry I'll cry, but I don't want to see him EVER again.

As well as my trembling hand allows me, I write a note to Monica and leave her house in a hurry, wanting to be far away from there, from this pain, from him.

…

"We're here" I hear Chip say next to me as he stops the car. "Rachel are you okay?" his question makes me realise I've been sunk in my thoughts and looking at nowhere in particular for some seconds.

"Um, yeah…yeah, sorry I was just…worried"

"worried about what?"

"the rumor…" I admit, finally turning to look at him.

"again? would you let it go already?, that's old news, nobody will remember it"

"…I hope you're right" I say, yet I cannot help but feel a little insecure.

"I AM right, now let's go inside and party our asses off" I involuntary cringe at his language use. Thank god I'm breaking up with him after this and won't have to bear with his childish language and behaviour again. How I survived this long? I don't know.

As expected I lose sight of Chip as soon as we enter Stephanie's house, but I don't really care; to be honest, the further he is the better. When I step into the backyard and see the bunch of well dressed people chatting, dancing and drinking, a flashback of another party bugs my mind and I feel how a knot starts to form in my throat.

"Rachel! Hi honey! Oh my god, you look fantastic!" Stephanie greets me with a big smile, which looks authentic at first sight…maybe they do not remember.

"thank you Steph, you look gorgeous yourself, how are you?" I say imitating her cheerfulness.

"I'm great, but let's get you something to drink and then we can talk" she says grabbing my hand and pulling off me before giving me the chance to say anything. "what would you like to drink? Rum, vodka, whiskey?" she asks when we reach the drinks table.

"a soda will be fine, thanks"

"a soda? don't be sissy and drink something, it won't hurt you honey, plus we need to have fun before High school starts all over again" she tries to persuade me.

"I know but that's okay, It's just…I feel a little sick to my stomach" I lie but she doesn't seem to buy it.

"see then you must drink now, the alcohol will kill whatever bug you have in there in a second"

"okay, okay…you convinced me, pour me some…vodka"

"coming right away" while she prepares my drink and take a quick scan of the area, which is pretty packed; some faces seem completely new for me and I'm thankful for that: less people to deal with. "here you have"

"thank you" I say before taking a small gulp from my cup. I pull a face of disgust when the liquid burns its way down my gorge.

"where is Chip?" Stephanie asks out of blue.

"mmm…he is with the guys…you know, catching up" I make up.

"talking about catching up, how was your summer? Did you travel somewhere?"

"yes I did, I went to a camp in California with Monica, you know Monica? we had a truly awesome time"

"that's sounds fun"

"it was, what about you? did you go somewhere?"

"I went to Europe!"

"oh that's so cool, which city in Europe?"

"London"

"oh god, I'd love to go there"

"it was dreamy being there, I loved the city…and the British accent" she says winking her eye.

"should I take that as a hint to tell me you tasted the British flavour?"

"I may have…" she says smiling naughtily.

"you truly don't waste time, do you?" I say chuckling.

" I can't help it, they guys there are SO hot and that accent…oh my god"

"so it's needless to ask if you had fun…"

"it was really awesome, although I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to see the Eiffel tower"

"the what?" I ask, just to make sure my mind didn't make that up.

"the Eiffel tower, I would have loved to go to the top and observe the whole city from there"

"but the Eiffel Tower is…" _just shut up_, _don't piss her off, you're at her party_. "is amazing, you shouldn't have missed it"

"I know! I'll go next time for sure"

"of course" _okay drink and ignore her ignorance_. This conversation didn't happen.

"so Rach…would you mind if we join my friends? They've been asking me about you ever since they knew you were coming" I don't know if I should feel flattered or worried about that…

"no, of course I don't mind" I say with a nervous smile.

"okay…just let me refill your cup first"

What I expected to be an awkward party, full of stares and mean comments, turned out to be incredible good in the end. I hadn't danced, talked and laughed so much in such a long time. Thankfully nobody seemed to remember the rumor, which finally let me enjoy a party carefree of what people may be saying about me, although it's possible that the amount of vodka in my body had something to do with that too.

I hadn't drunk this much in like forever and I must say I feel a bit light-headed, but who cares! I'm having fun! I'm liked by people again and no one thinks I have a penis anymore, reason enough to celebrate!

Plus I'm already over Ross, what's more, I DON'T give a shit about him anymore…for all I care he can marry his slut girlfriend and have a gazillion kids with her!…I bet she is ugly…and fat…and pretends to like dinosaurs just to make him like her! _what a whore! Ugh!_

A sudden sick sensation climbs up my throat and I feel like I may empty my stomach any minute now. Excusing myself quickly, I make my way towards the bathroom, trying to keep my balance and not trip foolishly in front of everybody.

Once there, nothing comes out when I bend over the toilet, and I know why, this nausea is not triggered by alcohol, this is the anxiety that has been bothering me since the other day, the same one that hasn't let me put through any food in days. I don't understand why this hurts so much! We never were anything...then why is it affecting me so much? Why can't I just forget him, see him like Monica's brother and nothing else? I damn in my head as I sat in the toilet and bury my head in my hands, which immediately get soaked by my uncontrollable tears. I wish I could reach into my chest and rip whatever it is that is making me feel so miserable. Now I don't even have Monica to pour my heart out to. I know she is there for me, even she's been trying to get in touch with me almost everyday; but I avoided her, I wouldn't be able to pronounce a word, whenever I heard her name Ross' name automatically emerged in my mind too. She must be angry at me, but…it's just beyond me.

It takes me several minutes to compose myself, but I finally manage to block the pain and I erase him from my mind as I dry my face with my fingers. When I stand up, ready to leave the bathroom and my sadness behind, a deep head rush almost brings me to the floor. I burst out laughing at myself. Perhaps I had too much vodka. I stumble out of the bathroom and I'm disoriented for a moment. _Did I come from the right or the left…?_

"there is my girl, I've been looking for you" I heard Chip's voice as he appears out of nowhere. I don't have time to reply since his mouth is already on mine and his wandering hands all over my back and ass. I close my eyes and reluctantly respond to his lumbering kiss; the smell of alcohol in his breath does nothing but enhance my drunkenness. I lose control over my self and I feel how my inebriation leads my body when I began to kiss him with his same haste and desire. Surprisingly, I don't feel disgusted. Alcohol can be really powerful.

"wanna go upstairs?" he whispers in my ear, I open my eyes to see a distorted image of him pointing at the stairs. I blink once; I blink twice, but my vision is still blurred. A hand pulls of me. I don't put resistance.

The next time I open my eyes I'm at a complete loss, I look everywhere, but the place is sunk in darkness. When my eyes finally get used to the dimness I discover I'm laying on someone's bed, a heavy weight is on top of me and something is sucking on my neck with effusiveness. I must have passed out for a while because I can't seem to remember how I got there.

"great, you woke up" I hear Chip say as he sends me grin before returning to my neck and his hands begin rub my breasts roughly. I lift my head a bit and notice my dress is down to my hips and I'm half naked. It takes me a while to register what's happening, but I can't move, my head is throbbing and I'm still a bit queasy. His slimy mouth returns to my lips as he begins to move his hips into mine.

I feel disgusted, grossed out, on the verge of throwing up. This situation makes me regain my consciousness in spite of the amount of alcohol that is still poisoning my blood. I quickly move my mouth away from his and place my hands on his shoulders to push him away, but I can't, he is way stronger than me.

"stop it Chip!" I say; my voice utterly dry. However, my plead falls in deaf ears since he doesn't make the slightest effort to stop and instead his mouth goes down to my breasts while his hands try to get rid of my dress. I react on time and grip my dress tightly as I shake my body under him to try to free myself. "damn it Chip quit it! you're hurting me!" I try and try…until a strong slap on my face leaves me rather shocked and powerless.

"did this hurt more? Don't you dare to stop this again, we're gonna fuck today whether you like it or not! I've waited long enough" He threatens me before continuing with his labour. I want to yell, I want to cry, I want to pouch him and wake up from this fucking nightmare. He tries to pull off my dress again but I prevent it by pressing my body against bed. However, this doesn't make him quit and I feel how he introduces his rough hands under my dress to reach my underwear.

I close my eyes tightly as if by doing that all this would vanish, but not, it doesn't, and all I can feel is how his hands try to force my panties down my legs. I cannot let this happen, I can't let him take advantage of me. The repugnance, revulsion I'm feelings makes my fury grow until giving me enough strength to defend myself. His fingernails scratch my tights when I manage to push him away from me. He stumbles to the floor and I take advantage of the moment to stand up from the bed and try to put my dress back on, but the zip is broken. I grab it on the side as well as I can and hurry towards the door. He angrily stands up and tries to catch me but seeing he would do that I turn around and release all my fury by kicking him in his beloved little friend.

"bitch!" he weakly says, covering his crotch with his hands.

"you asked for it" I smile triumphantly as I watch him writhe in pain. "do me a favour, DO NOT call me or look for me EVER again, we're done Chip" I say before running off the room and him inside it. I leave the house before someone could see me, I walk aimlessly along the streets, with no particular direction, as many tears stain my face with my running mascara. I get nauseous just thinking about what almost took place in that bedroom, what would have happened if I hadn't managed to stop him. I bury my face in my hands, feeling disgusted and angry at myself.

Somehow I ended up in Monica's porch; going straight home with a ripped dress would have led to many undesired inquiries, so I decided against it and came here instead. I ring the bell and pray for her not to be mad at me.

"Rachel?" my heart skips a beat when I hear his voice and lift my head to find him in front of me. Why did he have to open the door! Why, why, why? _Thank you my dear infamous luck! I love you!. _"are you-?"

"don't say anything" I interrupt him. The least I want right now is another fight, and with us the odds of a fight are by far high. "I'm not in the mood to be insulted right now, can I see Monica?"

"She is not here…she went on a trip with my parents, didn't she tell you?" oh, so that's why she had been calling me so much the other days…great! my best friend, the only friend I can trust and the only able to make me feel well no matter what, is not home. _Again… I love you luck! _I feel like dropping to the floor and cry my eyes out. But I fight them back; I don't want to give him a reason to mock me.

"are you alright?" he politely says. _Did he just ask me if I am alright?_ _That's weird_.

"yeah...I'm fine" I say weakly.

"do you want me to call her and give her a message?" this kindness after the big fight we had two weeks ago seems…rather suspicious. I'm not going to buy it this time.

"no, never mind…I-I gotta go" I turn around and start to walk away while I try to think of a place to go. Suddenly I feel like an abandoned kid.

"Ra-Rachel" I turn around and frown when I meet the worried expression in his face "you're bleeding…" he says pointing at my leg. I look down to find a trail of blood running down both my legs. Everything rushes back to my mind and a knot starts to form in my throat; Blocking the forming tears starts to become impossible.

"I-I…just tripped with a rock…and scratched my legs…I-I don't see very well at night" I nervously say, letting out a small chuckle to make my lie look believable.

"Did the rock rip your dress too?" he says with irony.

"it…."

"Rachel, what happened?" he asks serious, with a concerned in his voice that's totally unfamiliar for me coming from him.

"why do you ask? You don't even care" I say as shake my head and release a helpless sigh.

"because I don't believe you've come this late just to tell Monica you tripped with a rock…what happened?" he insist, yet it's hard for me to believe his concern is real. What about the things he said to me? has he suddenly changed his mind? What a hypocrite.

"nothing happened okay? just…just tell Monica I'd love to talk to her when she comes back, bye" I turn around to leave. However, his hand holds my arm and stops me from doing so. I don't turn around or say anything, just stand there trying to keep collected…but it's useless; a sob escapes my mouth as the threatening tears finally run down my cheeks. I bury my face in my hands, feeling embarrassed and stupid. _There! _I'm making it easy for him to make fun of me, but whatever.

Expecting an eventual mocking laugh, I give a little jump when I feel his arms wrap tightly around my body instead. _Is this real?_ _Is he hugging me?_ But I don't open my eyes to check if this is true, I simply cling to his embrace and cry against his chest. Whether he's teasing me again or not I don't care anymore.

"do you wanna talk about it?" he softly asks me, not breaking this comforting hug. I shake my head no. "do you wanna come inside?" After a moment of doubt, I shrug my shoulders. "I'll take that as a yes, come on in" he says grabbing my hand and guiding me into the house. _This is so surreal._

…

I take the glass of water he offers me and drink the liquid almost in a gulp, not because I'm thirsty but because I'm afraid of talking to him; it feels weird. Apart from arguing and calling each other names we haven't shared anything else.

"now what really happened? and save the rock story for your father" I chuckle softly and lift my gaze to meet his eyes, for the first time in months I feel comfortable with being so close to him. I take a deep breath and open up to him after a small debate within myself about whether I should or should not tell him this.

"We were at this party…and well, Chip got a little too drunk and…mainly, he wanted to do some…things and I didn't. So we got into a fight" I see how his eyes widen with every word I say.

"what kind of fight? How did you get those scratches?"

"just a fight" I nervously say, avoiding his gaze.

"Rachel, d-did he…try to rape you?" he asks cautiously. I lower my face in silence, not able to admit the truth out loud "oh my god! He did, didn't he? How dare he disrespect a woman like that! Tell me where he is! I'm gonna beat the hell out of that guy right now!" he exclaims, his eyes burning in fury. His reaction startles me greatly.

"NO!" I exclaim as I grab his wrist to make him sit again. "are you crazy?, you'd better not do anything. Chips tends to be very violent and I don't want you to take the risk of getting hurt because of me"

"hey! I'm stronger than you think; I can defend myself from that guy"

"okay, but I don't want you to, Chip has friends, and very cruel ones, if you do something to him they'll take their revenge"

"but I can't let him get away with that! Someone must let that guy know you don't treat a woman like that" I have to smile at how overly concerned he is about all this.

"it doesn't matter anymore…I broke up with him" I wait for his response. He looks surprised.

"th-that's a…smart move" we fall in silence, but awkwardness is not with us that night. "but…I think you should denounce that guy" he says calmly now. "He needs to be punished, Rachel"

"No, I want to leave things as they are, nothing actually happened…I just want to forget it"

"you sure?"

"yes"

"okay then" Silence surrounds us again. "do you…want me to drive you home?" he asks after a while. _Home_…the idea of going home terrifies me; if my father finds out what happened he will lock me in my room for the rest of my life.

"Thanks, but I'm gonna pass…I-I don't feel like facing my dad right now. But I'd appreciate it if you lent me your phone; I need to check if any of my friends let me stay with them tonight"

"you can stay here if you want" he suddenly says, leaving me utterly surprised.

"uh?"

"I mean, Monica is not here, you can use her bed, plus you won't need to explain what happened to anybody else…" that's a very tempting proposal. But spending the night there, alone with him? The only thought of it makes my heart race.

"…are you sure you want me here? We don't specially get along you know…"

"I think I can bear with you for a night" he says serious before chuckling. I hadn't seen him laugh like that before; I like the small dimples that appear in his cheeks when he does so. _So cute._

"okay…thank you" I murmur sending him an honest smile.

"no problem…" he returns the smile. "do you want to eat something? Have a shower?..."

"a shower is a great idea, but I don't have clothes here…"

"well…you can… go to Monica's bedroom and borrow something, I'll prepare the bathroom for you meanwhile" he says as he stands up and makes his way upstairs, and I cannot help but smile like a fool. _What happened to him?_ If later I find out he is just teasing me I'm going to kill him. I swear!

I scrub the sponge all over my skin until it turns a deep red; I keep scrubbing even when it starts to hurt. I want to get rid of every kind of Chip's substance that may be on my body.

I get out of the shower, dry myself and put on the T-shirt and sweat shorts I have chosen from Monica's closet. I dry my hair a little bit with a towel and then I sit down on the toilet to observe the long scratches more carefully. There are three of them in each of my thighs; two of them are so deep that they still keep bleeding. I look in the washstand for peroxide or something similar to treat the wound, but after some minutes I give up.

"Ross?" I say aloud, cracking the bathroom door open.

"yes?" he shows up little after.

"is there peroxide? My scratches keep bleeding"

"I think there is some…let me check" he says entering the bathroom. "here" he says taking a bottle from a cabinet. _How come I didn't see it before? _"Sit down" he orders me. I frown but obey nonetheless. I observe how he pours some peroxide on a piece of cotton and crouches down before me. He places one of his hands on my knee and my eyes instantly grow bigger when I realise what he is about to do.

"I-I can do that" I quickly say. If I let him touch me god knows how my body will react.

"oh. Sorry" he says, handing me the cotton and the bottle before standing up. He looks away but I can see I've embarrassed him. _aw._

"shit!" I yell when the peroxide gets to my scratches and the insufferable burning sensation spread to the rest of my leg. "geez! Damn you peroxide!" His laugh distracts me from the pain. "what are you laughing at? It's not fun, it really hurts!"

"no-no…I'm not laughing at you…it's just that shirt" I look down at Monica's 'Frankie say relax' T-shirt and frown confused.

"what's fun about this shirt?"

"it's mine"

"no it's not…I took it from Monica's closet" I say blushing a little bit under his stare.

"I know, I gave it to her last year, it didn't fit me anymore…"

"oh…"

"I just…I never thought I would see you wearing one of my T-shirts" okay, now I'm blushing furiously, and that indescribable sensation returns to my stomach…_no, no, no, no! I was over him already_! _Damn it!_ I try to hide my embarrassment while I treat the scratches on my other leg, but the fact that he is still there, observing me quietly doesn't help the slightest bit. Okay, I need to ask; I've been here in his house over an hour now and he hasn't insulted me, and instead he's been treating me almost like a princess. Not that I'm complaining, it's just too weird.

"Do you need Band-Aid?" his voice wakes me up from my wandering thoughts.

"no, thanks…they'll heal faster exposed" I say, throwing the cotton in the trashcan next to me and direct my gaze back to him, who has been sitting on the curb of the bathtub all the while. "Ross can I ask you something" I finally say.

"sure, what is it?"

"what are you being so nice to me?"

"what?"

"you've heard me"

"I know but I don't understand the question. Can't I be nice to you now?" I let out a big chuckle.

"well, after what happened the other day… it's seems odd that you may want to be nice to me" I observe him, something in his eyes tell me he is not the same Ross of the weeks before. I wish I could read his mind and know what the hell is happening. "please…if you're just teasing me to later make fun of me I beg you to tell me right now, because I'm not in the mood to-"

"Monica talked to me" he suddenly says. Did he just say Monica? Did _he just say Monica?_ She did what? oh my god please no, don't let it be what I think it is.

"sh-she talked to you? a-about what?" I try to hide my nervousness, but my voice trembles anyway.

"she told me the truth" he calmly says. My heart starts beating out of control and I think I may faint. What truth did she tell him? oh god, whatever it is, I'm gonna kill Monica!

"w-what truth? I-I don't know what you're talking about"

"yes you do" he says with an smile. Oh god, he knows…Monica, wherever you are, I'm gonna kill you! oh god, what do I say now! I feel

"I-I…"

"I don't pretend to make you feel more uncomfortable" too late, my burning cheeks are proof of my profound shame. "so let's just do this: you forget the horrible things I said to you and I forget what Monica told me…deal?" he says. I hesitate for a moment. How is that even possible? he knows everything, he knows I love him. I won't be able to act normally around him anymore.

"is that even possible?"

"I don't know…but we can try…what do you say? Would you like to start from 0? As if we had just met? We just have to promise we won't mention anything of what happened before, alright?"

"Okay…so…you don't know anything, do you?" I ask shyly.

"no I don't" he says with a sweet smile. "and I have never insulted you, have I?"

"mmh I don't think so" I say faking doubt.

"good" we smile at each other. I cannot believe what has just happened, but I feel pure happiness and embarrassment at the same time.

…

"so…thank you so much for letting me stay here Ross…that was really nice of you" I say when we are by Monica's bedroom door. After that conversation in the bathroom I feel more relax with him.

"you don't need to thank me" he says caressing my arm. _Do that again please._

"yes I do, I think no other guy has ever listened to me and treated me so well as you have tonight…I really appreciate it"

"glad I could help…are you sure you're really fine now? Do you need anything?" he says with concern. Why? _stop being so charming!_

"don't worry, I'm fine. A little sleep and I'll be like new" I say smiling.  
>"alright, then…I'll see you in the morning" he says, placing an unexpected sweet kiss in my forehead. <em>If only it had been a bit southwards to that…<em>still, that little kiss feels like heaven.

"good night" I murmur with a grateful smile.

"good night Rach" he says, returning the smile and walking towards his bedroom. _he called me Rach. _I close the door and let my weight fall over the bed, a foolish smile still drawn in my lips. What it looked like an awful night didn't turn out to be so bad after all. I replay in my head the moments I've spent with him tonight. If only he crossed that door and stay with me the whole night…

I close my eyes and picture his perfect lips kissing my forehand.

I think I won't get much sleep tonight…

…..

Hope you enjoyed this update. Reviews are very welcomed =)


	9. Chapter 9

_First of all, excuse my delay with this update, I've been a__way and then very busy with college so I didn't have much time to focus on my fic, but here it is finally. I just want to warn that I wrote it in no more than two days so there may be mistakes, I'm sorry. And second of all, thank you Daniela, cybermals, debbiefriendsfan and 2good2betrue for the lovely reviews. Hope you guys love this next update. _

_To –b- __, I appreciate you taking the time to leave your opinion. but you must bear in mind I'm not English native speaker and I don't plan to be a professional writer in a future either so, If my lowercase letters and mistakes bother you so much I invite you to not read my fic anymore, no hard feelings. Oh, and I haven't read the Twilight saga but the fact that you have compared my writing to that of a best-selling author only flatters me ;) _

…..

**CHAPTER 8**

Ten sheep…eleven sheep…twelve sheep…thirteen sh…_ugh_ this is not working, stupid sheep are keeping me even more awake! Whoever invented that method, what was he thinking? Sheep? Why not dogs? At least they are cuter…_okay_, stop _thinking nonsense and go to sleep_. Or…I wonder if he is sleeping right now, maybe not. _I could…go check? _

Okay Rachel, you've got to put a stop to those thoughts! You cannot see him whenever you please; although…maybe he doesn't mind…He was so sweet with me today, it almost felt like months ago, but with a confident Ross now. Man! I need to know what Monica told him, she can't have told him about my crush…_I need to find out_.

I pull away the sheets and leave the bedroom decided and with confidence. However, when I'm right outside his door I get cold feet. He will think I'm obsessed with him…or crazy for showing up at his room this late at night. _Just do it Rachel! _Your plans never turn out as you think so you may as well try and see what happens. _Okay. Deep breath and open the damn door._

"Ross?" I whisper. _Why do I whisper? I want him to be awake_. I touch the wall with my hand trying to find the switch, since the room is in complete darkness. "Ross?" I say louder this time, but there is no answer. When I finally turn the lights on I'm surprised to see there's none there. Frowning in confusion I walk down the stairs; he may be in the living room…or the kitchen. But every single room in the house is sunk in darkness, almost as if it was an abandoned house. He can't have left me alone in his house, can he? I ask myself, my fear growing by the second. I know it's Monica's house, but the idea of being in a stranger's empty house at night?: no like it!

Trying to keep calm and not freak out I make my way towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. I stop in my tracks when looking through a window I spot him in the yard. I feel how my lips curl up in a authentic smile. _God,_ _Am I smitten with him_…yeah, and he has a girlfriend now. _Damn my luck!_ My plan to get a glass of water is crossed out right away and my feet guide me to the backyard without my imposition.

I quietly step outside and observe him before muttering a word. He is sitting on a stool, looking through a telescope absent-mindedly. It mesmerizes me how much he loves science and he isn't afraid to show it.

I clear my voice to call his attention and that's when he moves away from the device and turns to me.

"oh Hi…can't sleep?" he asks, surprised to see me there.

"nu-uh" I shake my head as I slowly near him. "I looked for you everywhere; I thought you had abandoned me" I say pouting like a little girl.

"oh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was here, I wasn't expecting you to be up this late"

"I was kidding" I say gently placing my hand on his shoulder "what are you doing?"

"just…observing Saturn, it hasn't been this close to the earth in hundred of years, and only tonight it's viewable from the US"

"mm, I thought dinosaurs were your speciality"

"they are, but space is my other passion" interesting.

"Can I take a peek?" he frowns when those words leave my mouth. "What?"

"isn't this a bit too…geeky for you?" he says in a chuckle.

"you've got such misconceived vision of me my friend, for your information I know Saturn is the planet with the rings around" I say all proud of myself. Yes, I sometimes pay attention in my science class.

"wow, impressive" he says exaggerating his shock.

"shut up!" I give him a little push pretending to be offended. The sweet smile he sends me right afterwards confirms he is just playing along, I gladly return the smile.

"okay, come here" he says as he stands up to let me have his seat. "put your right eye in the eyepiece, close the other one and most of all, do not move the telescope" I obey his instructions religiously; I close my left eye and look through the eyepiece with my right eye widely open…I blink several times, but all I can see is deep darkness. "isn't it incredible?" he says few seconds later.

"y-yes…very very beautiful" I lie. I don't want him to believe I'm so stupid that I can't spot a planet. Where the hell is the damn planet anyway? I did not move the telescope, that's for sure.

"so you can see it?"

"yup…simply amazing" _amazingly dark. _But I keep gazing through the eyepiece to make him believe I'm actually seeing something.

"really? 'cause I covered the lens with the cap" he says before cracking up in loud laughter. I blush furiously as I move away and twist my neck to send him a rather evil stare.

"I hate you" I stand up with anger, but it's my huge embarrassment what forces me to turn my back on him. Thank god it's night and he can't perceive my deeply reddened cheeks.

"oh c'mon, it was funny" he says, walking towards me and still laughing. I turn to look at him, my arms crossed over my chest.

"no, it wasn't! You made me act like a fool"

"what? I didn't push you to lie"

"yeah right, as if you hadn't made fun of me if I hadn't spotted Saturn"

"even if that had been the case and you couldn't find the planet, you shouldn't have lied…that's not you and I want to know the real you, not a fabricated geek Rachel" if possible I feel more embarrassed than before. But he's got a point and there is nothing I could say to that. "it was just a joke, forgive me?" he says looking with those irresistible puppy dog eyes. I shrug my shoulders. "wanna see Saturn now?" he sweetly asks extending his hand to me. I cannot possibly be mad at him when he is being so nice. I slowly nod my head and place my hand on his to let him guide me back to the stool. I observe how he takes the cap off the lens and makes sure I've taken notice of his action. "now you'll see everything" I get closer to the eyepiece with hesitation. My jaw drops when I spot the little planet in the profound darkness of the space.

"oh my goodness! There it is! it's so tiny but I can see the rings!" my excitement makes my voice sound high-pitched. But truly, I wasn't expecting to see Saturn so clearly. "This is fascinating!"

"see? that's a genuine reaction"

"thank you" I mumble as I return my look to him. Could he possibly look more handsome than tonight? He is wearing a simple black T-shirt and sweat shorts but he looks so perfect "so this is the reason why you didn't go on the trip with your family?" I break the silence and my intensive –and inappropriate- scan over his body.

"well…yeah, partly. I'm a big geek" he says in a chuckle, which I find adorable "I also enjoy being by myself from time to time"

"are you trying to tell me I'm not welcome here?" I say in a joking tone and tilting my head.

"of course not, you can stay as long as you want, if you don't die of boredom" he sweetly says.

"you're not as boring as you think you are, Ross" I say with pure honesty. My words put a broad smile on his lips and my stomach makes a weird flip that I can only describe as happiness.

"feel like observing the stars with me?" he suggest as he gently takes my hand. I shrug my shoulders and look down at his hand on mine, so fitting. He takes me to the grass on the other side of the pool where there is a mattress I hadn't noticed before. I lift my eyebrows amused.

"a mattress? Are you sure you meant "observe the stars" in its literal sense?" I say teasingly.

"you caught me, I actually want to get into your pants, but I couldn't find a right way to persuade you" he says in the same teasing way. I know he is just kidding but I blush in spite of myself.

"very smart, but I warn you, regardless of what you may have heard of me, I'm not an easy girl" he breaks into a loud laugh that becomes contagious.

We both lay on our backs over the soft mattress and stare up at the sky, crowded with shiny little stars.

"wow…this is breathtaking"

"isn't it?"

"really beautiful, I can't even remember when was the last time I stopped to stare at the sky at night" _that must change._

"here, grab the blanket, you're gonna get cold" he says offering me part of his blanket that I welcome gladly. The night is a bit chilly. If only the blanket was smaller and we had to get closer…and I could feel his human warmth. _Rachel, don't start again!_

"do you do this a lot?" I ask to avoid a silence that would more likely lead to out of place thoughts.

"only when I'm alone, my mother would kill me if she found out I took the mattress out to the yard"

"you mean your mom or Monica?" I say in a chuckle.

"you're right, both would freak out" he joins my laugher. We return our gazes to the sky and stay in silence for a while; the sky is so beautiful with all the stars and there is not other illumination but the moonlight; this would be such a romantic moment if we were a couple…

"is that the ursa major?" I ask pointing up at the sky.

"mmm nope, that's the ursa minor, the ursa major is over there" he says, grabbing my arm and moving it towards the other side.

"oh…and why do the call it "ursa" major?" I ask with curiosity.

"I don't know, it's supposed to form a great bear"

"a bear? It doesn't resemble a bear at all. It's more like a…like a purse, with a broken strap"

"of course you would see a purse" he chuckles loudly.

"I like fashion. What's the problem?" I say sending him a squinty look.

"None at all, you just made me laugh"

"what do you see there then?"

"mmmmh…a cart?"

"oh yeah…or a golf club!"

"or a saucepan" we burst out laughing and then comfortable silence surrounds us again, until my rumbling stomach makes such a loud noise that even Ross hears it and quickly sits up.

"Is that damn cat back again? oh man, it sure loves haunting me when I'm alone" he says very serious and looking everywhere with haste. I let out loud chuckle.

"that was my empty stomach and…are you scared of cats?" I ask laughing.

"no…I just dislike them" he shyly says.

"but they are so cute"

"not this one, believe me, i-it's pure evil, he likes to catch me off guard and scratch me" he says so convinced that I cannot hold a loud giggle.

"you like dinosaurs but you are scared of cats, you're so funny Ross" I manage to say between giggles.

"that's because dinosaurs are dead and enough of this, wanna something to eat?"

"now? it's like three in the morning"

"so? We're alone, remember?"

"oh okay, then…what do you have?"

"emm…I think there is pizza"

"perfect!"

…

"what?" I feel the need to ask when his eyes fixed on me won't miss any of my movements for a second.

"that's your fourth slice" he states.

"yeah…so?"

"do you…always eat that much?"

"uh?" _is he calling me fat?_

"don't get me wrong, I meant, how can you eat that much and keep that ho-…figure" I smile at his indirect compliment towards my body.

"I guess I burn a lot of calories with my trainings, but I sure not starve myself"

"I'm surprised, I gotta say, I always pictured you like a healthy food maniac"

"I'm very different from the stereotype they built of me in high school" I say as I take a bite off my fourth slice of pizza.

"I see" he says with a sweet smile. God, this is being the best night ever, I don't get tired of seeing that adorable smile and those chocolate brown eyes.

"so…you're leaving for college pretty soon right? are you excited?" I ask smiling, although the thought of him leaving saddens me more than I want to admit.

"yeah, in exactly two weeks! I am excited, I'm gonna miss the people here though…" is he trying to say he is going to miss me? I want to believe so.

"you're gonna meet awesome people there too"

"I'm sure of that"

"I hope you don't forget us and come visit often" I say, meaning it more than I can express.

"forget you? after that kick in the nuts I received from you? Not possible" he jokes.

"I'm sorry, but you truly deserved it that day"

"I agree with you" he says nodding "but it still hurt" I give him a sympathetic smile.

"jokes aside…I really hope you come visit, I am gonna miss you…believe it or not" I say sincerely.

"I'm gonna miss you too" he says staring into my eyes, which end up making me laugh.

"what are you laughing at?"

"at us, mere weeks ago we couldn't see each other without fighting like cats and dogs and now we're saying we're gonna miss one another, life is odd"

"yeah…but I'm really happy we managed to overcome the hostility and turn it into friendship"

"yeah me too…I'm happy to have you in my friends side now" _I would like for you to be so much more than that though…_

"shall we carry on with the star gazing?" he suggests when there's no more pizza left.

"yeah okay, but shouldn't we clean this up first?"

"nah, maybe later"

….

"brr, it's getting colder" I say as I curl up under the blanket to keep warm.

"Come here" he murmurs as he lifts his arm and passes it over my shoulders. To say I am surprised by his move would be an understatement, but I don't pull back and instead I get closer to him, until our bodies are practically rubbing. _Dangerous, I know_. But his arms around me feel too nice to say no to. He pulls me even closer to him as he begins to gently rub my arm up and down, my body heats up almost instantly, while the famous butterflies return to my stomach. _Okay, now I regret this._

"Tell me about your girlfriend" I say out of blue. It's not something I want to hear about, but I need to remind myself he is with someone else, especially now that his strong arm is around me and it's getting hard to keep my hormones calm.

"Uh?" he mutters surprised.

"Your girlfriend, I wanna know about her"  
>"Oh, my girlfriend, yes…well h-her name is Julie" <em>what an ugly name, it doesn't sound as good as 'Ross and Rachel' <em>"she is incredibly beautiful, she has…stunning blue eyes and long dark blonde hair" _ha, blonde with blue eyes, how convenient. _He is really in love with this girl, I can feel it in the way his eyes are shining…and it hurts.

"Wouldn't your girlfriend get jealous if she saw us…like this?"

"I don't think so, she is very nice, plus you're my friend now" _yes, to my misery I'm only that._

"where did you meet her?"

"at science camp"

"oh…so she was the reason of your big makeover?"

"big makeover? I simply got a hair cut, and shaved the moustache" he says in a chuckle.

"well, I gotta say that worked out pretty well for you, I barely recognized you when you returned"

"yeah, I saw your shocked face" and here comes the blushing again. "by the way, I forgot to tell you that I'm really sorry for spreading that unfair rumor about you. I did mean it at first but I feel so bad now"

"oh don't worry, that's forgotten, I don't care anymore"

"I never actually thought people would buy it" he says amused.

"tell me about it, people can be really stupid sometimes"

"yeah…I'm glad you don't hate me for that anymore"

"can I ask you something?" I ask, laying on my side to look at him.

"sure"

"what did Monica exactly tell you?"

"mmm weren't we supposed to avoid that topic?"

"I know, I know…but I just need to know"

"why?"

"because it's hard for me to believe that Monica could have told you what I think she has told you"

"okay…well, she told me that you never meant to make fun of me, that it was your friends who blackmailed you to do so and that you've been trying to apologize to me. …That's why I wanted to start from zero, I feel bad that I yell at you and call you so many things when you actually wanted to fix things up"

"yeah…" so it was not what I thought, _should I feel relieved or upset?_ "although…that's not the real…real truth" I find myself saying. He frowns.

"it isn't?" he says, turning to lay on his side.

"nope, and I'll be embarrassed to death when I say this to you, but you said you wanted to know the real Rachel, right? well open your ears because here it comes truth." I take a deep breath, unbelieving I'm about to finally be sincere and confess it all "Yes, I've always thought you were a big, boring geek"

"thank you" he interrupts.

"shh, let me speak; I thought you were a geek and to be honest you were invisible for me for many years, and yes, the first time I kissed you was my friends' idea as a part of a truth or dare game, BUT, I…kinda got addicted to you, don't ask me how or why but I did and I couldn't stop thinking of you and wanting to see you, and…I ended up using the teasing as an excuse to be close to you, but when Monica saw us kissing I had to tell her I was only playing with you because I couldn't even admit to myself that I had a crush on you, I'm that stupid, And then you heard us and all got screwed up. And whenever I tried to make things better my stubbornness and your hurtful words just led to more and more fights, and I convinced myself that I hated you, but that couldn't have been further from the truth, an-and then you came back looking all hot and sexy a-and I couldn't just tell you the truth because I would have been proving you what you claimed about me being shallow, which is not true, a-and I don't know what I'm saying anymore, so to sum it up, I NEVER meant to hurt, it just started as a innocent game and I somehow ended up trapped within it. There it is! Now you can make fun of me and my stupidity" I plop down on the mattress, relieved by the huge weight that has been lifted from my shoulders. I immediately close my eyes and wait for his response. I've finally said it, I've told him the truth and I hope now that he knows everything he just leans over me and kiss me passionately, that's how it goes in movies anyway, isn't it?. but nothing happens, no words, no movements, although I keep my eyes close just waiting for that eventual kiss that will leave me breathless.

"I don't have a girlfriend" he says out of blue. My eyes fly open.

"eh…what?" I sit up again and look at him in surprise.

"there is no special girl in my life" he says serious.

"B-but you just said you do, h-how about all the things you said about her?"

"all made up"

"what! why would you make up a girlfriend?"

"because I wanted to prove you wrong, that I could have a girlfriend, obviously it was a lie"

"but it seemed as if she was real, you were all…mesmerized while talking about her"

"well, it wasn't as if I didn't have someone in mind while creating my 'girlfriend'"

"so there's in fact someone you like"

"of course, and for a very long time now…" _oh my god, is he referring to me?_

"do I know her?" I quietly asks. If he says my name I'll die right here.

"more than you think" he says serious, his intense gaze piercing my eyes. oh god, I want to ask, but my body fills with terror, what if I'm wrong? What if it's not me and I'm left as a loser? He had a crush on me but that doesn't mean he still does, he may have met someone else, someone also blonde and blue-eyed.

"I-I can't believe you made all that up" I say clearing my voice.

"hey! you lied too, and a lot, you had a crush on me?" he says in a chuckle.

"maybe…so what? You used to have one on me too"

"you knew?"

"oh honey, you weren't precisely good at hiding it"

"so apparently, tonight is confession night uh? Anything else you may want to confess?" _like the "I love you" detail? Yeah…but I don't have the guts.. _Although…he doesn't have a girlfriend, the obstacle is inexistent now.

"no, nothing…you?" _I'm such a coward._

"nothing either" I fake a smile. I was hopping he would say something; maybe he doesn't feel anything for me anymore and simply sees me as a friend. Disappointed, I turn to look up at the sky again but to my surprise the previous darkness is now covered by a dark blue that announces an eventual dawn "oh my god, the sun is rising already! What time is it?" I ask alarmed.

"almost 6 am" I cannot believe we've been up all night just talking.

"oh my god! I gotta head back home right now" I say quickly standing up from the mattress, the image of my angry dad makes me forget the confessions we just shared "if my dad wakes up and don't see me there god knows when I'll see the light of day again"

"d-do you want to give you a drive?" He offers, standing up after me.

"that's okay, I'll go walking, it would be worse if he saw me arriving by car"

"then let me walk you home" he offers again, and I cannot help but smile at his politeness.

"okay, let's go" I say getting up, ready to leave the house, but then he grabs me arm "wait"

"what?"

"why…why don't you phone home and say you're staying at Monica's?"

"with you?"

"well…like till this very moment"

"but- I don't know…" I do want to stay, but after so many confessions this amazing night can turn awkward. _Oh what the hell, I want to stay_, even if it's as friends I love being with him.

"okay…give the phone"

"wait right here" he says with a grin. I see him leave the backyard almost in a run and I lay back down on the mattress. I bit my lip as my uneasiness increases.

….

"daddy, wait wait! Let me speak, I'm at Monica's…yes I slept here…no you can't, she is sleeping. Daddy if you don't believe what I'm telling you just come over and check for yourself" _oh god don't let him come here_ "yes…yes…I don't know, I may sleep here tonight too…why? b-because we are having a sleepover t-to…say goodbye to Ashley!...yes she is leaving…why don't we do it at home? Well because my annoying sisters are there daddy…yes…okay, I'll come home for lunch…no…okay stop asking dad! You already used up your twenty questions a day bonus so bye, see you later" I hang up almost out of breath "god that was exhausting" and let my body fall weightless on the mattress and hand him the phone.

"he is not an easy man to deal with, is he?"

"you can't not even imagine" I say with a sigh of exhaustion. I begin to feel the tiredness of being awake all night. "So now what?"

"I don't know, we should get some sleep I guess…it's 7am already" He says as he lays next to me and passes his arm above my shoulder again. I lay on my side and aimlessly rest my hand on his stomach.

"I guess you're right" his arm pulls me even closer to his body till we are almost hugging, but I don't make a big deal of it, maybe he is that sweet with his girl friends. "sweet dreams sweetie" he whispers in my ear, making my body tremble in an almost mystical pleasure.

"you too" It's all my stretched throat let me pronounce. I need to hold my breath when I feel his hand slide down to the small of my back and play with the hem my T-shirt, the tip of his fingers brushing my bare skin and sending chills up and down my spine. I close my eyes and try to block the effects of his touch on me, but it's impossible, my heart is already out of control and I'm pretty sure he can feel its fast beating against his side. I open my eyes again and freeze when I realise I've unconsciously introduced my hand under his T-shirt and I'm caressing his firm stomach in small circles. I slowly stop and gulp the lump in my throat as I raise my eyes to look at him.

My heart skips a beat when I meet his intense look; an intense look that tells me we're not going to sleep just yet.

…..

**Hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are welcomed :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**First of all I'm sorry for the delay, I was busy with finals and then my brain decided it was time for a break so writing this update took longer, but it's finally here, and I hope you guys enjoy it. warning: it's quite long! So don't read it if you're sleepy hehe and it's R-rated!**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, I appreciate every single one of them :) **

**To **_**Lianna-snow**_**:**** glad you like my fic, my favourite scene to write has been…mmmh I don't really know, haha I loved them all, but I love the scenes where they are fighting a little more, they are fun to write ;)**

**Enjoy!**

…_. _

_**CHAPTER 10**_

_Should I say something?__ yeah, but what_? Since all I can think of is how beautiful his eyes are, how I could be gazing into them for the rest of time. My teeth unconsciously bite my bottom lip as my eyes travel down to his mouth. _God I want to kiss him_ and I bet he wants it too, he wouldn't be looking at me in such a way if he wasn't expecting something to happen, would he? I stop wondering the moment his hand on the small of my back slightly pushes me into him, which I take as the hint I was waiting for to release my growing desire. My hand flies to his neck as I eagerly lean over him to join my lips with his in a much longed kiss. I close my eyes to take in the overwhelming sensation that this physical contact causes.

As our mouths begin to explore each other with hunger, I feel his other hand move to the small of my back, forming a perfect circle around my body. I find myself wishing that moment never ended. However, the fervour we both put on that kiss leaves us breathless and our lips have to part. I back away a little and open my eyes only to find his grinning face. I blush heavily. A "_wow"_ slips of my mouth while I regain my breath, my mind fills with questions: _what do I say? What does this mean? Why don't we carry on with the kiss, please?_

"I-"

"shh, don't say anything" he murmurs placing a finger over my lips "let's have some sleep first, we'll talk about it later okay?" He sweetly says as he intertwines his fingers with mine and brings my hand to rest on his stomach.

"okay" I mutter with a foolish smile on my face. As much as I would have loved to get more than that amazing kiss, exhaustion is taking over my body and it's begging for some sleep. I nestle inside his unbroken embrace and rest my head on his shoulder, my face brushing his neck. I feel peaceful, comforted, happy, because this time I know this is not a joke or a dream, it's real and he must feel the same way, otherwise he wouldn't have let me that kiss happen, right?

I leave every thought aside as I close my eyes and listen to his breathing while I wait for slumber to come for me. _I could stay like this forever_.

…..

I'm woken up by the hot sunbeams burning my skin. I slowly open my eyes, dreading to meet the bright light of day. For a moment I had forgotten it was late August.

I stretch myself; my skin is sweaty, my mouth dry, and I'm alone. _What! _I quickly sit up and look at the empty spot that was occupied by Ross before. _This wasn't another dream, was it? _I ask myself rather scared. But then I spot a post-it over the blanket with something handwritten on it.

"Good morning beautiful, don't freak, I'm in the kitchen, come when you wake up"

I can't help the huge smile that appears on my face right away. So it was not a dream…_phew!_

"Hi" I say shyly as I enter the kitchen and find him in front of the stove.

"hey, good mor-…afternoon" he sweetly says. "how did you sleep?"

"amazingly well" I bet he can tell just by looking at my face "although the sun was a pain in the ass, I was almost burning when I woke up" I say as I get closer to where he is.

"I know, I woke up an hour ago for the same reason"

"what are you cooking?"

"pasta, hungry?"

"not really, plus I'm afraid I have to head home for lunch" I say looking up at the clock "oh my god! It's noon already? Gosh my dad is going to kill me! I need to go home right now" I say freaking out.

"you really have to? I was hoping we could have lunch together and…talk" he says in such a way that it makes me want to surrender and tell him yes. _Yes,_ _yes yes yes yes! I want to stay with you! _if I had the guts to confront my dad. I close distances with him and hold his hand as I timidly look up to him.

"you have no idea how much I want to talk and clear things with you…but I really need to go now" I say with a sad half smile "I promise I'll be here the minute I finish lunch"

"Alright…if there is not other option" he says shrugging, so cutely that I want to squeeze him in a tight hug. "I'll walk you to the door then" he says resigned.

"okay, just let me change and grab my things, can't show up at my house wearing this"

(…)

"listen…" I say when we are by his door standing in front of each other, his hands holding mine and his thumbs rubbing the back of my hands; such small gesture yet so rousing. "before I leave I want to clarify that…I-I don't want you to believe this was one more of my teasing…it's wasn't, not at all" I say shaking my head from side to side.

"I do know" he nods, wanting to hide a grin that makes appear those cute dimples of him. _aw_

"okay…great" I say with an ear to ear smile. "so…I'll see you in a few hours" I sadly break the perfect union of our hands, ready to leave.

"sure, I won't go anywhere" he says, before surprising me with a small –_but luscious_- peck on my lips. I feel my blood gathering in my cheeks. I never thought a small peck would feel this great.

"so…bye" I finally manage to say as I send him an smile and turn to leave.

…..

"you're late, come to the table" I hear my dad's serious voice coming from the sitting room.

"let me change first, would you?" I say irritated, hiding the ripped part of my dress the best I can.

"you have five minutes"_ ugh, he will never change_. I run up towards my room and lock the door to avoid any possible interruption. I drop my bag on my bed, get rid of my ripped dress and quickly pick out some jeans shorts and a top from my closet and put them on before rushing downstairs.

As soon as I sit at the table I feel the uncomfortable silence and the inquiring stares weighing on me.

"mmmh this looks delicious" I say to break the ice, although truly I haven't stopped to look at what's on my plate. "Where are my sisters?" I ask when I notice I'm the only one there.

"they're spending the day at your cousin's" my mother replies. "How was Stephanie's party, dear?" she then asks.

"it was fun, lots of people there"

"and how did you end up at Monica's? I thought she had gone to Orlando with her parents" _oh god, _Is this an interrogatory?Do they know something and I'm only making a fool of myself? _Okay, calm down and don't freak out. They DON'T know I've spent the night with Ross. How would they?_

"Because she didn't want to be alone and she asked me to stay; plus it was really late to come back home by myself. What's the problem anyway? You always let me stay at Mon's" I say defensively; a tone I shouldn't have used if I don't want to look suspicious.

"no problem at all honey"

"good, because I need to go back as soon as possible, we're preparing this pajama party for Leslie" _yeah, I cannot freaking wait to see "Leslie" again and kiss "her" and…okay stop!_

"I thought you said it was for Ashley" _oh shit._

"oh yes, Ashley! Sorry…Leslie is her sister and I usually confuse their name" I say in a nervous chuckle. I look at them poker-faced as I sneakily try to dry my sweating hands with the napkin. _Gosh, if I survive this lunch without giving myself away I deserve an award. _

"you better not be staying at that boyfriend of yours, young lady" my father says with a rather threatening tone.

"no I'm not dad, and if you must know, I'm no longer his girlfriend" my dad's face lights up.

"well, I'm glad to hear that. Never liked that guy"

"what happened honey?"

"nothing…he was too childish for me" _and a son of a bitch. _

"you know, My friend Barney has a son whom you might like, he is studying to be an orthodontist" my father says with a grin I detest.

"thank you dad, but I don't need a matchmaker, I'm perfectly fine" I say with a bit of sarcasm.

"trust me Rachel, you'll like Barry, he is handsome, centred, he comes from a good family…" I give up and let him brag about that Barry guy while I eat my food as fast as I can. I need to return to Ross right now, _I miss him_. My dad's voice slowly fades and becomes a soft buzz in my ears while my mind recalls our amazing kiss of that morning. _Sweet heaven_…

"okay dad, whatever you say, I gotta go now, need a shower before heading to Monica's" I say standing up from my chair "I'll see you tomorrow" I kiss both of them and run towards the stairs.

"wait honey, Do you want me to bring you food tonight? Miss Kate cooked too much today" my mom says.

"NO!" _damn, that sounded too desperate_. "No mom, that's okay...w-we're gonna order some pizzas so don't worry" I say, with a casual smile.

"okay honey, call if you need anything"

"sure"

…

I'm a walking bundle of nerves on my way back to Ross' house; my legs are shaking, my palms sweating; I'm even more nervous than when I confessed the truth. Why? this should be easy, _you simply have to tell him that-…that what?_ What I feel for him? because that's the only thing I'm sure of. I begin to panic when I picture the moment in my head and words won't come out. But then, he opens the door with the biggest smile and all my nerves dispel right away.

"hey"

"hey" I respond in his same shy manner. Gosh, it's unbelievable how we've gone from teasing to being all withdrawn around each other. But I love this new phase. "I couldn't come sooner" I say pouting.

"it's okay, you're finally here and that's what matters, come in" he says sweetly. I follow him through the house, until we are back in the yard, the scenery of such wonderful night.

"what have you been doing in my absence?" I break the ice as we sit next to each other

on the couch swing they have under a tree. There is no other noise but the birds' tweeting, the calmness and solitude of the yard relaxes me.

"nothing much, counting the minutes to see you" _aw _"and my mom called" He says turning to look at me. I get lost in his eyes for the millionth time in the past 24 hours.

"oh, was she worried about her baby boy?"

"apparently, she called three times"

"oh my gosh, doesn't it get on your nerves that she is so overprotective?"

"I'm used to it already; she must still see me as a ten years old"

"yeah, all moms do"

"but my mother is something else, she thinks I'm some kind of miracle" I burst out laughing.

"and why is that?"

"well…she was told she was sterile and when I came to the world it was a huge surprise for them"

"oh so that's why you're the apple of her eyes, now I get why Monica's always complaining about your mom loving you more than her"

"c'mon that's not true, she loves us both equally"

"yeah, try telling that to Monica"

"okay, she must have a bit more affection towards me, but she loves us both"

"…I wonder what your mom would say if she knew we spent the night together" I say intending to make it sound as a joke, but my real aim is to bring up feared 'the subject'. if _only we could skip the talking and go straight to the 'fun'._ I hear his laughter.

"Probably nothing, I doubt the idea of me having a girlfriend has crossed her mind yet" _Oh god, has he just said girlfriend?_ He must have perceived my stunned expression because he immediately retracts himself "I-I mean, not that I-I'm calling you my girlfriend but- I-…what I wanted to say was th-that, my mother still thinks I'm too young to be…interested in girls, sorry I confused you" he tries to explain as well as his nervousness allows him. I cannot help but smile at his awkwardness, it makes him look adorable. I place my hand on his knee and smile to make him feel more comfortable about his slip of tongue.

"don't worry, I…I get what you meant…plus I'm glad you've brought up the subject because I've been racking my brains on my way here wondering how or what to say"

"and…did you come to a conclusion?" _I-I don't know…_

"…have you?" I ask instead of answering.

"yes, but I want to hear you first" _oh god, okay, okay…calm down, and just say what you feel, don't be afraid!_

"okay…so…about last night, I-I mean, this morning…I don't want you to get the wrong idea, I don't go around kissing guys for the sake of it, I just- don't know how to explain it, I somehow feel drawn to you, I love spending time with you, and don't ask me how this all happened because I have no idea, I just know that I've some…sort of feelings for you" _there it is, now breath or you'll faint! _I finally dare to look at him, my face flustered. His lips are curled up in a shy half smile that to me spreads happiness. However, his quietness does nothing but increase my anxiety.

"I only have one thing to say…well, ask…" He finally says, a knot forms inside my stomach, _what kind of question does he want to ask?_ "Can I ask you on a date some time?" the knot unties and dozens of butterflies fly around my stomach, I bite my bottom lip, unbelieving his words.

"yeah…that would be great" I smile, he joins me.

"okay, good"

"does this mean I'm no longer considered a heartless bitch" I say playfully.

"you never were such thing" he sweetly says "I only said that because I hated you for making me believe I could have a chance with you, and then learning it all had been a game"

"but that was a unfortunate misunderstanding, I mean…the 'game' part" I say, tilting my head and sending him an honest smile, which he reciprocates.

"I still can't believe this is happening, I never thought Rachel Green would like me… better yet, I never thought Rachel Green would ever say a word to me in the first place" I let out a soft chuckle.

"Why is it so hard to believe? I'm not a Queen or anything to be 'unreachable'"

"you are for me" _aww, okay, stop being so charming please, or I'll jump on you this very moment._

"you're so sweet, Ross" I murmur locking gazes with him. For a moment silence surrounds us, that familiar silence that many times has led to an amazing kiss, but I need to resist that urge that makes me want to throw myself into his arms. I don't want to look desperate.

"by the way, if you don't mind, I'd prefer it if Monica didn't know about this…at least until we know for sure where this is going"

"totally agree with you" I say nodding my head.

"good…" he smiles to me, again. "wanna swim?" he suddenly asks. I direct my eyes to the pool. _Oh shit, I forgot my bikini. Damn it!_

"em…I think I'm gonna pass, but you go, I'll watch you from here"

"oh c'mon, aren't you hot?" _in what sense do you ask that? if it's for you, god knows I am._

"no really, I'm fine, plus I forgot my bikini" I say motioning my hands as if I didn't care.

"so that's the reason uh, you can borrow one from Monica, she won't know"

"that's okay, I don't really feel like swimming anyway" _liar_

"whatever, bikini or not you're coming to the pool with me" he suddenly lifts up me in the air, in such quick motion that a yelp escapes my mouth.

"Ross! Put me down RIGHT NOW" I cry out as I wrap my arms around his neck and see with tremor how he walks towards the pool with decision. "Ross stop! I'm serious!"

"I'm sorry missy, but I'm not leaving you all alone and bored, you're coming with me" he says with a grin on his face as he stops right at the border of the pool. I twist my neck and look at him with begging eyes.

"Ross don't do it! we're wearing clothes, can't you see that!"

"who cares about that" he says before diving into the cold water with me in his arms. I squeeze my eyes and tighten my grip on him as I hear the loud splash that our bodies make against the water. For some seconds all I can see is bubbles and more bubbles. When we come to the surface, completely soaked, the first thing I see is his broad grin and I send him a stare.

"Thanks for taking my words into consideration" I say, faking bitterness.

"I know you wanted to get in, don't lie" he sweetly says as he takes us to the lower part of the swimming pool.

"yeah, but look, I'm all dripping wet now and I didn't bring any more clothes"

"well…take them off and put them to dry" he says nonchalantly. I raise my eyebrow as I try to hide a smile.

"and be naked around you?" He shrugs his shoulders, making it seem as if it wouldn't be a big deal. "you're so wrong if you think I'm gonna let you see me naked so soon honey" I teasingly say, shaking my head from side to side "we haven't even had our first date yet"

"Can we consider this our first date?" he asks hopeful.

"I'm afraid not" I say tilting my head in an "I'm sorry" way.

"damn it!" he says serious and I have to let out a big chuckle. The moment no one of us says a word is when I become aware of our dangerous closeness; his arms are still around my waist, and my arms encircling his neck. I look up at him. The light that comes from the sun setting gives his eyes a gorgeous new shade that hypnotizes me "Can I at least kiss you?" he whispers, not breaking eye contact. His question makes my entire body tremble of anticipation. _Yes you can, yes you can!_

"I don't know…you could take the risk and see what happens…" I whisper back and he grins. He coyly begins to lean towards me and I simultaneously close my eyes, ready to welcome his alluring, sexy lips. His breath momentarily brushes my lips before I feel his mouth rest upon mine, very slightly yet so thrilling. His lips part and trap my bottom lip as he gently sucks on it, making my friendly butterflies flutter around my stomach with no control.

The urge to deepen his shy kiss grows inside me and I fail to resist it so I quickly move my hands to the back of his head, my fingers mingling within his wet hair, and I push him against my mouth as I force my tongue across his lips and explore his mouth with need.

I'm not conscious of the intensity I'm putting in that kiss until his deep moan echoes in my mouth. I suddenly feel shied away by my own action and try to slow down the kiss not to seem too desperate, however, when I make the attempt he surprises me holding me closer and it's him who now invades my mouth shamelessly.

Chills run all over my spine, blocking my every thought and self-control. My head spins, my lungs are empty of air, yet the idea of parting from his lips for something as necessary as breathing seems bizarre to me.

I almost loose my balance when I feel him start to walk forward, but I quickly manage to follow his lead, everything but stopping that amazing kiss. My back comes up against some hard surface and then I realise we are by the pool steps. He then grabs my thighs and makes me sit on one of the steps as he pulls away from me.

"nooo" I protest as I grab on his t-shirt to avoid him from going further away. I frown in disappointment but then I blush when I open my eyes and he is looking at me with a mocking grin. I try to hide my embarrassment but my body is more focused on trying to regain the breath he has stolen from me with that kiss.

"no, what?" he inquires with that peculiar grin.

"no…no-thing" I give him a nervous smile, my checks burning of embarrassment. But _it's his fault for being so damn good at kissing!_

"I thought you had said, kiss me again" he seductively says, and my whole body arouses with that.

"y-yeah, that too" I whisper and he smiles, however he doesn't move or attempt to kiss me. Instead I notice how he grabs the hem of his soaked t-shirt, pulls it above his shoulders and then throws it out maintaining eye contact with me all the while. I hold my breath, dying to slide my fingertips along his exposed, perfectly toned chest but I wait, I wait to see what his next move will be.

He brushes my lips again with pure tenderness while his hands slowly open my legs and he places himself in the middle, getting rid of the remaining space that kept our bodies apart. This closeness begins to overwhelm me and even though I'm inside a pool, soaked clothes on, I feel my skin burning like fire.

The innocent kiss looses its meaning when it turns into a hotter, more passionate one that makes me lose my mind. His hands climb under my sticky top and his arms encircle my waist pulling me even closer. His mouth leaves my lips, only to move down to the crock of my neck where he begins to suck with unbelievable mastery. _Mmmm…_I close my eyes and moan louder than I aimed to. I feel him chuckle against my skin but I don't give a damn, _this feels too good to keep quiet_. However, he moves away shortly after and I cannot help but groan in frustration.

"shhh, I'm not going anywhere, I just need to get rid of this" he whispers into my ear as he grabs the border of my top and looks at me as if asking for permission. My stomach fills with nerves, _you know you want this, it's Ross_; still I cannot help the self-consciousness that seizes my body this very moment. But when I meet his eyes, his beautiful puppy dog eyes I feel confident, ready. I smile at him and put my arms up to let him pull top off. I'm left with nothing but my black, dripping bra. His lips return to my neck and I have to sigh at the amazing movements of his tongue over my sensitive skin. _Gosh, where did he learn to do this? _I tilt my head to give him enough space to roam while my hands explore every piece of smooth skin of his fit torso_._

The making out session begins to get out of hands and soon enough I feel his bold hands begin to caress my thighs up and down, which I greatly enjoy, but the moment they stop at the button of my shorts and attempt to undo it, an alarm sets off in my head and deep panic takes over me. I quickly grab his wrists and push them away.

"w-we're…taking this too far…don't you think?" I say out of breath and trying not to be obvious about my nervous. His face suddenly changes to deep embarrassment, and I immediately regret my words.

"I-I'm sorry…I just- I'm sorry" he says, visibly regretful. _I'm so stupid. Why would you do that Rachel! You know you want him! _"I didn't mean to-"

"please Ross" I interrupt him "you didn't do anything wrong, I just- I think this is not the right place to…you know" _can't you express yourself better Rachel? Ugh._

"I know, I know and I agree, it's too soon…it's just that- I-I can't help myself with I'm with you, I didn't mean to offend you or anything…I hope you can forgive me" he says with an apologetic tone. _Isn't he the most adorable guy in the world?_

"there is nothing to forgive honey, and please, please don't feel bad about this, nothing happened" I say sweetly as I rub the back of his neck and give him a small peck, with the hope that with such gesture his stillness and reticence will vanish.

We stay awkwardly motionless for what seems eternal seconds, until I find the words to break the silence.

"you know…I think I'm gonna take a shower…I need to put these clothes to dry for tomorrow" I say with a small smile.

"yeah okay…" he says as he moves away to let me stand up. His serious expression makes me hate myself. _Damn you Rachel. _

"please Ross don't beat yourself up about it, okay?"

"I'm not, I'm fine really" he says with a smile, but I know he is faking it, I can see right through his eyes how sorry he feels, and I wish I could somehow fix it and let him know he didn't do anything wrong, nothing actually happened anyway. _And what if something had happened! You should leave your worries behind Rachel! He is a good guy! _"I'll cook something for us in the meantime okay?" he says.

"sounds awesome to me" I reciprocate his smile and get out of the pool. I pick up my top from the floor and cover my chest with it. I don't really know why.

"you can borrow dry clothes from Monica"

"okay, thanks…I-I'll see you in a while"

"yeah" I send him another smile before turning around and walking into the house.

…..

"Did you invite someone over for dinner?" I say frowning at the many plates I find on the stove top the moment I get into the kitchen. He turns around and smiles, a smile that thankfully feels real.

"no, just for us"

"I did eat four slices of pizza but Ross, I don't think I can fit all this food in my stomach" I joke.

"you're probably right" he says half laughing "I just got bored waiting for you"

"was I away for long?" I say confused.

"two hours to be exact"

"what? no way"

"Believe me, it was two hours"

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I tend to loose track of time when I'm bathing" _two hours? Seriously? _I get closer to him and observe the meal he has cooked while my stomach groans loudly. I place my hand on his shoulder and he leans to kiss me forehead. I smile at his little gesture but most of all because the awkwardness from before seems to have disappeared.

"you look gorgeous" he says out of the blue, making me blush.

"thank you" I say shrugging, feeling everything but beautiful in those sweat clothes. "I'm actually becoming attached to this T-shirt" I look down at the "Frankie say relax" t-shirt I'm wearing –again- and which I have developed a very special bond for.

"you look very handsome yourself" I say with a flirtations tone.

"thanks, but I'm not" he says with modesty that makes me wonder if he truly regards himself as ugly, because he is definitely not. "you're good at lying though"

"I am not lying, you're handsomer than you think Ross, even when you had that horrible moustache and the crazy Afro hair you looked quite cute" I teasingly say.

"now, that's a lie" he says rising his one eyebrow.

"okay, that wasn't the best of looks" I say in a chuckle "but look at you now, you're so…sexy" I say, unconsciously biting my lip as I check him out brazenly.

"I really appreciate your compliment, but if you want to take things slow I beg you not to look at me that way" he says, dangerously close to me.

"I'm sorry" I whisper as I lean on my toes to kiss his soft lips. He gives me several small pecks before taking my hand and guiding me to the table. "let's eat"

…..

"mmmh okay, tell me the truth, did you or did you not sneak Monica in while I was showering and made her cook this for you? because there is no way you cooked this yourself"

"and why can't I have cooked this myself?"

"because it's too delicious, men can't cook this well" I tease him.

"well, I can, does that make me a girl?"

"to some extend…yes" I say chuckling "oh, talking about Monica, did they tell you when they'll be arriving tomorrow?"

"they weren't sure, but most likely in the afternoon"

"good, I just want to make sure I'm out of sight when they come, imagine if they found us like this morning"

"they would probably be okay with it, they adore you"

"aw, they do?"

"yup, I've even heard my mom say you're like the daughter she never had"

"she said that? man, I feel bad for Monica" we both chuckle in synch.

"what about your parents, would they like me?" he asks timidly.

"….my father would give you a hard time, that I'm sure of"

"why?" he ask with a hint of fear in his face.

"well…to begin with he dislikes every single guy I go out with"

"oh…"

"yes, and just before I came here he was trying to put this crazy idea into my head, he wants me to date one of his friend's son"

"em…that puts me in a tricky place, doesn't it?"

"no, because I couldn't care less about what my father thinks or wants for me. My life, my decisions" I hear him giggle. "what?"

"nothing, I just like this 'rebel' Rachel"

…..

After we finish dinner and decide to leave the cleaning for later, we spend the rest of the day playing card games, talking, laughing hysterically at some mutual anecdotes of our childhood and simply getting to know more of each other.

It surprises me how long he has been in my life and yet it's now when I'm discovering the real him, luckily.

I don't know how, but we end up in the same spot as the night before; lying on the mattress in the middle of the dimmed yard and under an immense blanket of stars. However, the night before we were just friends and now…_well, now we are something else, I guess._

"too bad summer is coming to an end, I could have gotten used to doing this every night" I say as I snuggle into him and he embraces me closer.

"then enjoy tonight to the fullest"

"that's my intention" I lay on my side and observe his features for a while.

"what?" he asks, struck by my intense gazing.

"when are you taking me on our first date?" I ask with a foolish smile.

"soon, I have to check something first"

"check something? That means you've already made plans?"

"of course" _this is so exciting!_

"and what is it?"

"can't tell you yet"

"mmm, you've got me intrigued there"

"you'll find out soon, hopefully"

We cuddle and gaze at the brilliant sky for a wonderful eternity. I don't know what time it is or what's happening in the world, the only thing I care about right at this moment is him and how nice it feels to be surrounded by his arms. If only there was a remote to stop time and make this night last longer…_it would be perfect_. There is not other place where I feel safer, completely in comfort. That's the moment when I wonder _why to wait?_

Suddenly, a fleeting sparkly line draws across the sky catches my attention and drags me out of my thoughts.

"oh my god! Was that a shooting star?" I exclaim awestruck.

"mmh I don't know"

"what, you didn't see it? It crossed the whole sky"

"nop, I was looking at you" I turn to look at him and smile.

"aw, well look up, you don't want to miss it again, it's such a beautiful thing"

"so are you" he murmurs in my ear before leaving a sweet kiss behind it. My body shivers, and a huge smiles draws on my face. I turn around and rest half of my body on his and look at him with all the love he makes me feel.

"you're so corny" I say with sweetness, while I stroke his cheek with my fingertips "but I like it" I softly kiss his lips while his hands stroke my back in a slow, arousing motion. "and what were you thinking while you were looking at me?" I ask with curiosity.

"…how immensely lucky I am to have you in my arms…and that I want to protect you…and do whatever it is to make you happy" he says with honesty, looking straight into my eyes. His words melt every corner of my heart and I immediately kiss him to show him how touched and blessed I feel; because words would not have been enough.

I move over and lay fully on top of him, searching for a better access to his lips. I deepen the kiss; his wet mouth welcomes my tongue with enthusiasm. Both his hands move to my hips while I run my fingers over and over again through his short locks of hair.

The delicious kiss is over, and I'm left breathless and excited. I sat up not to squash him. My legs slide to his sides until I'm practically straddling him. I rest my hands on his stomach for support and feel it rise and fall with his hasty breathing.

Seeing him lying under me, looking all sexy, turns me on to a point unknown for me till this moment. I look around. The yard is sunk in darkness; there is no one to interrupt us, and we are under the stars, could there be a better place and moment for a first time? Definitely no. _go for it Rachel. _I smile to myself. _Yes, I want this, I do want him._

Finally determined, I sneak my hands under his t-shirt and start to stroke his six-packed abdomen with gentleness; something he seems to enjoy since I can feel his body slightly tremble beneath my tips. I lock gazes with him. He is serious, probably wondering what I'm wondering.

"You have nice fingers" he says in a low, sexy voice.

"thank you" I smirk "they enjoy touching you very much" I mischievously say.

"no more than I do" he replies in the same way. I smile.

"come up here" I whisper as I make him sit again. He doesn't put resistance and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, immediately catching his lips between mine with want. However, he is tense, as if trying to keep unresponsive to my touch; I know he wants to prove he can wait as long as I need. But I'm ready, and I'm going to let him know.

I grab the sides of his T-shirt and pull it upwards until it goes out above his head. He frowns, but I place my index over his lips before he can mutter a word and spoil the moment.

I softly push him to make him lie on his back again. I observe how he closes his eyes the moment my fingers begin to slide from his chest down to the perfect valley formed by his hipbone. I lean over him and gently brush my lips against his skin, leaving small kisses where my fingers have drawn an invisible line. My tongue takes the place of my lips and begin to place wet little kisses around his abs. he writhes a little and I smile, enjoying being the one in charge. Nonetheless, when I try to move downwards with the trail of kisses, he tightly grabs me by my arms and lifts me to look at my eyes.

"what are you doing?" he asks, his voice quivers.

"exactly what it looks like" I send him a lustful look, still massaging his chest with my hands.

"if you're only teasing me I beg you to stop, you're too damn good at it" I let out a noisy chuckle.

"I'm not teasing"

"…what do you mean?" he asks, but I know he already suspects the answer; his way of asking gives him away.

"I mean shut up and kiss me" I murmur as I pull him up and press my lips against him with force.

"Rach, you said-" he speaks against my mouth. I place my hands on his cheeks and look at him straight in the eyes.

"forget what I said, I sometimes talk nonsense."

"but you were right, it's too soon, just yesterday we were confessing our feelings. plus I don't want you to think I'm the Chip type, I'd never use y-"

"don't even mention that bastard" I interrupt him with a straight face "let alone compare yourself to him, he is an ass and he meant nothing to me, this is very different, for the first time in my life I know what I want, and that is you" his face lights up and I feel happiness in his eyes "plus…" I begin to say as I draw a line along his bare arm "this would happen sooner or later, so why to waste time?"

"you sure?" he asks with a genuine smile.

"I've never been surer in my life" I whisper, before he surprises me with a fervent, hungry kiss. I yelp in surprise when in a quick motion he turns us around and presses me against the mattress. His lips fly to my neck, where he begins to suck with eagerness; generating dozens of tickles that make me quiver.

"eeeasy sweetie, you're gonna leave a mark" I say between giggles.

"sorry" he chuckles, "it's your fault, you're too addictive, can't help myself" he whispers in my ear then softly bites my lobe. His words said in such a low tone does nothing but increase my anticipation. I grab his face with my hands and bring him for a much needed kiss. I open my legs to let him lie upon me more comfortably and place my hands on his shoulders and slide them down, exploring every corner of his muscled, bare back. His hands rest on my ribs, his thumbs rubbing the sensitive skin under my breast, making me hate the Frankie say relax t-shirt that is preventing me from enjoying his touch fully.

My heart skips a beat when I feel him lift my T-shirt a little and move his lips to my exposed stomach; his tongue movements around my navel drive me crazy and have me panting too soon. Then he hops his indexes under the sweat-shorts I borrowed from Monica, slip them down my legs and toss them away. I blush deeply when I feel his eyes observing my inner thighs.

"how are the scratches?" he asks, carefully passing his fingertips over the scratches on my right leg.

"they sting sometimes, but they're okay" I say with an appreciative smile, which he sends back before bending over and planting light kisses on my scratched thigh. I hold my breath and close my eyes, enjoying a little too much the feeling of his lips against my ripped skin. He then moves to the other thigh and repeats his delicate kisses while I cannot stop smiling at his sweetness and consideration towards me.

Not able to contain myself I sit up and force him to lie down on the mattress and now it's me who gets rid of his sweat-shorts. I straddle him, our underwear being the only barrier between us.

"that was quick" he says with a grin. I stick out my tongue.

"shut up, will ya?" I request as I place my hands next to his face and bend down, making him believe I'm about to kiss him so he closes his eyes; however, I stop mere millimetres from his mouth with the only intention to tease him. I wait till he opens his eyes again and sends me a hateful stare that makes me chuckle.

"sorry" I whisper. I finally give up and get closer to give him a small peck, but he decides to take the chance to catch my bottom lip between his teeth and bite it without compassion.

"hey!"

"sorry" he says with a shrug, trying to imitate me. I give him an evil stare.

"you asked for it" I warn him right before I shamelessly begin to roll my hips against is crotch, surprising him in the way. I smile proudly when his lips part and an involuntary loud moan exits his mouth. His body writhes a little and I feel how his excitement begins to be rather noticeable between my legs. I bite my bottom lip, trying to keep quiet and hide the waves of pleasure that are running through my body due to the friction of our bodies. But pretending this doesn't arouse me begins to become impossible so I silently thank him when he firmly grabs my hips and make me stop.

"stop that please" he says in a gasp. I grin and observe his chest rising and falling frantically.

"you didn't like it?" I ask innocently.

"maybe a little too much" I chuckle and bend over him to give him a well deserved kiss. He invades my mouth as his hands climb under my T-shirt and slowly stroke my sides; the lack of bra makes it easy for his fingers to teasingly brush my breasts in the process. My heart rate starts to get out of control and breathing doesn't seem an easy task anymore.

"take this off" he mumbles without breaking the kiss. I blush at his command; nonetheless I sit up and quickly pull the T-shirt over my head before his attentive look. My blood colors my cheeks a deep red, evidence of the shyness that being almost completely naked before him makes me feel. "You look gorgeous"

"no time for that" I say before kissing him hard, deeply, while he massages my breasts with unbelievable talent.

Once again, he turns us around and I'm now the one below. I wrap my legs around his hips while his hands grab my thighs and pushes his body into mine, making me gasp of pleasure. His mouth kisses my cleavage and breasts with fervour and I need close my eyes to try to keep myself from losing it already, but at point my head has begun to think incoherently, and the anticipation starts to become unbearable.

"wait" I manage to say.

"what"

"do you have protection?" I murmur, out of breath. He suddenly freezes, and I immediately identify that as bad news.

"…no" he says in a sigh. "damn it!" He exclaims, rolling off me and groaning in frustration.

"oh..." impossible to hide the huge disappointment I feel this very moment. _This cannot end here!_ I'm overly aroused and leaving this now would upset me badly. I lift my body and support my weigh on my elbows as I try to think of a solution. "you sure you don't have any?"

"no…I didn't think I would need them to be honest"

"…so what now?" I ask with dread.

"I don't know" he says in a cheerless sigh. "I could go buy some…if there is any pharmacy open at this hour"

"I doubt so…" _ my luck._

"then I guess we'll...have to postpone it" he says with unconcealed misery. I plop down next to him and sigh in despair. _Why did this have to happen! _

My breathing and heart rate soon slow down; nonetheless, my entire body is still oversensitive and with no intention of relaxing anytime soon.

I twist my neck to look at him and find his eyes gazing at me with resignation. I send him a small smile before leaning to kiss him. As our lips play with innocence, my mind only comes up with crazy ideas that could get me into serious trouble.

"what if…we did it anyway" I surprise him and myself saying.

"y-you mean…without protection?" he asks, somewhat taken aback. I nod my head. "wouldn't that be…risky?" my head yells YES, my body a big NO; and when I feel his hand begin to stroke my stomach, the rational voice in my head dies away. I close my eyes and allow myself to enjoy his touch for a few seconds.

"I don't know" I murmur. "I guess there is a small chance that…something may happen, but- I don't think it will" I say with confidence. _What are the chances of getting pregnant in your first time anyway? Very low…right? _However, deep down I know I'm only playing it down to convince myself that what I want is the right thing. "what do you think?" I ask him, hoping he will support my idea. I see him shrug his shoulders.

"I guess you're right…but it's up to you" he says looking into my eyes while running his fingers through my hair. I give him a sweet smile, my mind already made up.

"then…let's finish what it's already started" I whisper before I kiss him with all the desire I've been holding during our brief -and inopportune- conversation.

Soon enough, there is not space for "risk" in my head, since all I can focus on is his half naked body stirring upon mine and his mouth sucking and nibbling every piece of my skin it manages to reach. Chills run up and down my spine as he moves his pelvis into me, with more haste each second. I suddenly become a bundle of nerves, being aware that "the moment" is rather closer.

"hey, you okay?" he asks with concern as he stops his arousing movements.

"y-yeah…why?" I try to seem calm.

"you're shivering" he rests his hand on my forehead and caress it tenderly. His charm and concern about me make me wonder why I am indeed nervous about this. "Rach, if you are not completely sure then we should-"

"no, it's not that" I interrupt him.

"what is it then?" he asks frowning. I take a deep breath.

"well…I-ve sort of…never done this before"

"you mean…you're a virgin?" he asks surprisingly calm.

"yes…I thought you'd be more surprised" _and freaking out._

"why?" he says shrugging.

"well…you know, because people have always labelled me as a 'slut'" I say with bitterness.

"I never believed those rumours and to be honest…it's kind of relief for me" he says in a cute chuckle. I raise my eyebrow in an inquiring way. "you know, you're the first girl ever interested in this geek over here, and my only source of experience in this has been my own imagination so far so…" I giggle at his comment. But more than anything I admire his capacity to joke about himself. "and I'm especially concerned about not reaching your expectations" he shyly admits, and I have to smile at his cuteness.

"well mister, you have exceeded my expectations so far, I'm pretty sure you're not gonna let me down" I sensually say as I grab his face and kiss him softly. He lets out a chuckle.

"I guess you make me good at it" he murmurs as he lies upon me again and buries his face in my neck and nibbles on it while I enjoy his fit body with my hands. My stomach fills with nervous and anticipation at same amounts. I hold the edge of his boxers and push them down a little to let him know I want them off _right now. _Taking my hint, he lifts his body a little and gets rid of them. As if I still were a little girl, I take a quick glace with shyness. _mmh, not bad at all. _

Before I have enough time to register the moment, he gets rid of my underwear as well and returns to lying on top of me, sweeping away every minimum space between us. The sensation of our naked skins touching overwhelms me.

"if I hurt you, just stop me okay?" he softly whispers in my ear. I nod, full of nervous, but then he plants the sweetest kiss on my cheek and all feeling of dread evaporates. I slowly open my legs wide and let him position himself in the middle. My heart starts racing. _This is finally happening._ I close my eyes as I feel him slowly and carefully guide himself inside me. I squeeze my eyes to bear the sharp pain that runs through my body and momentarily makes me tremble.

"you okay?" he asks clearly worried.

"y-yes, don't worry" I smile, to calm him down. However, he looks at me unsure. "I'm fine sweetie, just keep it slow for a while okay?" I whisper and kiss his shoulder with tenderness. He slowly enters me completely, another sharp pain shakes my body and my eyes water but I turn my head to one side so he cannot see it and feel bad. He kindly waits for me to adjunct to this new sensation. I feel him kiss my shoulder, my neck, my cheek and then finally my lips before he finally beings to move in a slow pace. The pain is still there, yet the least I want is for him to stop. I stroke his shoulders and back until my hands land on the small of his back and follow his slow movements with them. The pain begins to fade away, leaving the space for small waves of pleasure that makes my body writhe under him. I close my eyes to enjoy his movements, his sweet kisses, his irregular breathing brushing my neck. I quietly moan as I feel my body craving for more of him and my hips automatically begin to rock into I move my hands to his buttocks and push him into me, a quick movement that makes him moan loudly.

"oh god" I gasp. I feel him smile against my neck as he picks up the pace. "don't stop now please" I beg as I squeeze my eyes and try to control the pleasant sensations that come with each of his thrusts.

"I won't" he murmurs back. My hips begin to roll into him more quickly, meeting his thrusts with eagerness. Suddenly everything becomes a blur; the heat increases and my heart has never beaten faster against my chest. Every single fraction of my body writhes with a pleasure that I know I won't be able to hold for longer. I slide my hands over the moist skin of his back and urge him to pick up the pace even more, which he immediately does. His moans mix with mine, and I feel him tense up between my legs. Time stops still for a moment, until our bodies shudder heavily at the same time as he finishes inside me.

His weigh falls on me and we both let out a deep sigh. I feel his hand caress my hip as he slips away from my body and lays next to me while we both regain our normal state. He brings me closer and kisses my forehead with melting sweetness. I snuggle into him and close my eyes to enjoy this unforgettable moment to the fullest. Neither of us says anything for a while, because somehow we both know the feeling is the same.

I feel my blood still throbbing through my veins and the muscles of my lower belly contracting. I touch my stomach, where I still can feel his lips, and a big smile arises in my face. _Who would have guessed Ross was so good at this? _

"It was good, wasn't it?" he timidly asks. I look up at him; he's beaming happiness, a feeling I share and that I hope the huge smile on my face reflects.

"it was…unbelievable" I murmur as I press my lips against his. "I love you Ross" I say before even stopping to think the consequences that such confession may bring. His face lights up even more and he embraces me tighter as he kisses my left temple.

"I love you too" he whispers and I feel I could die of happiness. _A little too soon maybe?_ Who cares? We're not especially good at waiting anyway…

…..

I walk on air and see imaginary rainbows and flying ponies all around me on my way back home. _Don't judge me, I'm happy! _

We didn't sleep a wink the rest of the night –and morning-, not wanting to miss a second of enjoying each other's company; and we made love a second -and more pleasurable- time.

It's incredible how my life has change in the past 48 hours, and I couldn't be more grateful that it did. I'll even have to thank Chip for treating me like shit that night, otherwise I may have not ended up at Ross' porch and none of this would have ever happen. _The effect a simple decision can have over your life!_

"hello darling" my mom says the moment I cross the main door.

"hi mom" I greet her with a kiss on the cheek, which is very rare and she notices it.

"Somebody is happy around here; did you have fun last night at the pajama party?"

"yes I did, best night I've ever had"

"I'm glad you had fun" _so am I, and thrilled! and overjoyed! and in love! and exhausted...I need my bed._ "are you hungry honey? We already ate but there are some leftovers in the kitchen" she asks looking at her watch.

"maybe later, I'm gonna take a nap now, I'm kind of sleepy"

"okay, honey"

I head to my bedroom and close the door behind me. I immediately get undressed and take out the 'Frankie say relax' t-shirt from my bag and look at it as if it were the most precious treasure in the world. "I'm sorry Mon, but this belongs to me now" I say out loud as I put it on and get in my bed. I close my eyes, my lips still stretched in a heartfelt smile, and I imagine he's laying next to me, his arms wrapped around me and guarding my sleep.

….

**That was it, hope you guys have liked it and remember, reviews are more than welcomed :) they encourage me to keep on writing. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everybody! I'm back with a new update just out of the oven! :) Big thanks to all of you who took the time to review my fic, you're SO nice! I appreciate every single one of your kind words. **

**I hope you all enjoy the following chapter.**

**cookme25****: thank you for letting me know. We don't have such rating system in my country so I don't really know how it works. I just changed it.**

…**.**

**CHAPTER 11**

"Rach, phone!" I hear my sister Jill's voice from downstairs. I put down the nail polish and run down towards the living room.

"who is it?"

"some…Eric"

"Eric?" I frown in confusion, searching in my head for a known face to put to that unfamiliar name. I take the receiver from her hands still wondering. "hello?"

"hey..." His unmistakable voice draws a huge smile on my face.

"hey you" I manage to say through my ample smile.

"how are you?"

"wait a sec" I cover the receiver and turn to my annoying sister who, of course, is still next to me, ears well opened in hopes to catch new information that she could use later to blackmail me. _I know her too well_. "I've got the phone, you can go now" I say with intended edginess.

"who's Eric? Your new boyfriend?" she asks casually, as if my previous sentence had been intended for the wall behind her.

"Go-a-way"

"only if you let me wear your black miniskirt this weekend" she says putting her hands on her hips.

"deal" I immediately accept. "bye-bye now" I see her smile proudly and leave the living room with joyful little jumps. I quickly close the door and let my weight fall on the couch as the smile reappears on my face. "sorry I kept you waiting, had to get rid of a bug"

"one of your sisters?"

"bingo!"

"so…are we bug-free now?"

"hu-uh"

"I miss you…" he says in the sweetest tone of voice.

"aw, I miss you too…Eric!" I hear his cute laugh on the other side of the line "what's this name change due to mister?"

"just in case your father picked up the phone, you scared the hell out of me the other day"

"smart move, so from now on I should call you Eric on the phone?"

"you better, you don't want to put my life at risk, do you?" I giggle at his seriousness.

"I think I exaggerated a little, he is not THAT bad"

"can I see you this afternoon?" Ross suddenly says, making it sound more like a beg rather than a question.

"gosh, I really would love to…but I'm afraid I can't today, my mom wants me to accompany her to some social activity at the country club, boring to death but I can't get out from it" I say resentful. "I'm sorry sweetie"

"damn…just when I'm all alone at home"

"don't tell me that please, god knows I'd love to there with you right now, what about tomorrow? Tomorrow I'm all free for you"

"Rachel! Monica is here" I hear my mom's voice yell from afar. I quickly stand up from my spot in the living room couch.

"honey I'll call you back, I think your sister is here, love you, bye" _Monica is here? _I turn around to find both of them entering the living room side by side.

"Rach!" Monica exclaims the moment she sees me and quickens her pace to throw her arms around me in an enthusiastic tight hug. "why didn't you pick up my calls!" she reprimands but then her tone softens "I've miss you SO much"

"you've missed her?" my mom says in a chuckle "you spent the whole weekend together"

"we have?" she whispers in my ear as she breaks the embrace and gives me a look of confusion. I smile as I try to block my nervousness from showing.

"of course you can't remember, you slept through most of Leslie's pajama party" I say with a special warning tone we both invented long time ago for situations like this one.

"oh yeah…I just…get so sleepy when I put my pjs on, I'm helpless" she says turning to my mom and shrugging "anyway, I've come to invite you to our annual summer farewell BBQ we're having tomorrow at our house" she says with an exciting smile.

"oh great! I'd love to go" _yes! And another ten thousand times yes!_

"you're also invited to come Mrs Green, my parents would love to see you and Dr Green there" _what the did she just say?_

"oh, thank you darling, we'll be there, haven't seen your parents in a long while, It'd be nice to catch up" _NOOOO, why Monica! _This is just great, now not only will we have to hide from his family but also mine! _This sucks._

"how was Orlando, by the way?" my mom's voice creeps into my rambling thoughts and my inner voice warns me to stop this conversation as soon as possible, otherwise all my lies will be discovered sooner rather than later.

"oh it was charming! We loved-" I immediately give Monica a nudge to make her aware of her slip of tongue "I mean, they loved it there, for what they've told me…" I see my mom about to open her mouth again so I take the chance to quickly grab Mon's arm and pull of her.

"let's go to my room Mon, I bought some new dresses I need to show you, excuses us mom"

"oh, alright. Nice to see you again Monica"

"likewise" she yells as I pull of her towards the stairs.

….

"what was that all about?" Monica asks as soon as we're safely inside my bedroom.

"why did you have to invite my parents!" I can't avoid telling in a rather irritated tone.

"I didn't, my parents did and we spent the weekend together?" she says crossing her arms above her chest and rising her eyebrow in an –explain this to me- look.

"yeah…"

"you better have some explanation because the last I knew from you was that little note you wrote telling me what a jerk I had for a brother and then you vanished from earth"

"I'm sorry about that, it's a long story…I don't have time to explain everything right now, but if anybody asks you, specially either of my parents, I spent the night at your house because you were afraid to be by yourself, that's for Friday night, and on Saturday we threw a pajama party for Ashley who is supposedly leaving, got it?"

"what are you hiding?" she asks as she eyes me suspiciously; I move my eyes away, knowing that if I maintain her gaze she'll be able to read me like a wide open book.

"nothing" I murmur.

"were you with Chip? I thought you had the intention to break up with him"

"and I did! don't worry, he is old news to me"

"then who did you spend the weekend with?" she says with bigger confusion.

"with…my friends, you know, Mindy…and Leslie" I say, sounding everything except believable.

"and you expect me to buy that?"

"you know what, let's talk about that later" I say motioning my hands "oh hey, did you see your love yet?" I quickly say, hoping that with the mention of her adored boyfriend she will drop my issue.

"no…but he will be at the BBQ tomorrow, Ross invited him" she says with a blinding smile, which I unconsciously repeat myself when his name is mentioned.

"I bet you're dying to see him"

"big time, but it sucks that we won't be able to be with one another…openly"

"why don't you just tell your brother already? You've been dating for quite some time…it's getting serious…and I'm sure Ross will be happy to know you're with a good guy like Chandler"

"we've thought about it…the thing is, we enjoy having this secret for ourselves…it makes it more special you know?" _I think I know yes. _I nod my head knowingly.

"…then I'll have to make sure you two get to sneak away for a while tomorrow" I say as I add a conspiratorial wink. The smile that appears on her face fills the room with pure joy.

"Thank you Rach" she says giving me a hug "anyway…I gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow at the BBQ" she says as she begins to walk towards the door but then something clicks in her mind as she turns around with a concerned look in her eyes "oh! What about you and Ross? Will you be able to act civilly around our parents?" I hold my breath as I think of the right words to express that everything is okay without making it sound "too okay".

"sure! in fact, I-I ran into him the other day and…he apologized to me"  
>"really?" she says shocked.<p>

"yeah, apparently SOMEONE told him I was being forced to tease him" her cheeks instantly turn a deep red shade.

"…I'm sorry about that…I only meant-"

"it's okay" I say placing my hand on her shoulder to calm her down "to be honest I feel relieved that you did, because now I can go to your house without dreading a quarrel with your damn brother"

"good! so…everything is alright…you're back to friends" _you could say that._

"hu-huh"

"never thought this day would come" she says in a chuckle.

"yeah, me neither" I join her.

"well, then see you tomorrow" The moment Monica leaves, I check that neither of my sisters are hidden in the living room and pick up the phone with impatience.

…..

The next day we all, my annoying sisters included, arrive at the Geller's household past 4pm. To my surprise and thrill Ross opens the door, and I have to contain myself not to laugh at his astonished expression when he finds the five of us standing there.

"g-good evening Mrs and Dr Green" his voice trembles slightly "it's a pleasure to see you here" he adds politely. Then he looks at me and I take the chance to playfully wink my eye at him. He instantly blushes and looks away while I hold an imminent giggle.

"Good evening Ross" my mom says with a smile. "how are you?"

"very well; but come on in, everybody is in the yard" We follow him towards the backyard in silent, and I take advantage of the moment to observe my boyfriend's backside without remorse. _What, he has a really nice one! _

"mmh, Ross has gotten really hot lately, hasn't he?" I hear my 14 years old sister Amy comment in a low voice. I turn to look at her disbelievingly.

"aren't you a little too young to be saying those things?"

"no I'm not, and he is really hot, I bet he has a nice-" I close my eyes fearing the end of that sentence.

"shut up, will you?" I quickly say, trying to forget my youngest sister's words referring MY boyfriend.

We enter the backyard and I immediately spot Monica inside the pool playing volleyball with Chandler. She waves at me as she calls my name. I decide to get closer to the edge of the pool to greet them, but the moment I'm about to do so I hear my mom asking something to Ross, and the curiosity keeps me still.

"So Ross darling, your mom told me you were starting college soon"

"yeah, in little over a week"

"Which degree?" my father asks fair-mindedly. Ross tenses up as he looks in my father's direction and his uneasiness visibly increases.

"Palaeontology" he says clearing his voice.

"what's that about? Playing with animals' bones?" he says, making me want to pouch him.

"Leonard!" my mom reproaches him, and I silently thank her for that.

"what? Isn't that what Palaeontology is about?" he says defensively.

"not play, but study them sir; some people consider this profession useless but the truth is that it's actually a particularly necessary one to help other studies, even in medicine, believe it or not" Ross says with confidence. _That's my Ross! _I smile in my head at my dad's puzzled expression.

"so you're leaving really soon, are you excited?" My mom continues with the interrogatory.

"very much, but sad at the same time…I'm going to miss my people here"

"Is there a girlfriend among those people?" my mom asks playfully. Ross instantly blushes as he glances at me and then returns to look at my mom.

"yeah…there is a very special girl that I wish I could take with me" my heart melts with his charming words, even though he hasn't told them to me directly.

"Sandra, Leonard! Long time no see" Judy interrupts as she approaches us, closely followed by Jack.

"oh! hello darling! How are you?" my mom says thrilled.

Soon, our parents engage in a conversation and we become invisible to their eyes, which I'm deeply grateful for. My sisters also vanish from my view and only Ross and I are left in that spot of the yard. Our eyes meet and we secretly share an accomplice smile. I want to hug him, kiss him and tell him I missed him. Unfortunately, I have to contain and limit myself to just stare at him because not only our families are there but also a bunch of other neighbours who love to gossip more than anything else.

"Rachel! C'mon get in the pool!" I hear Monica shout. I wrinkle my nose and he smiles knowing exactly why I pull that face, since neither of us wants to be further away than these few inches that are keeping us apart in this moment. I send him a smile and turn to walk towards the pool.

"I'll be right there, let me just put some sunscreen on" I say as I walk towards the deck chairs and get rid of my summer dress. I begin to spread the sunscreen all over my skin while I feel his eyes follow the movements of my hands.

"dude get in and let's have a boys versus girls match!" Chandler tells Ross.

"you two have nothing to do against us, loser!" _and competitive Monica has entered the scene people!_

"we'll see about that" he replies in her same tone. "c'mon man!"

"okay, just wait a second" he says. From the corner of my eyes I watch how he takes his T-shirt off revealing his perfect, desirable, naked torso and begins to walk in my direction. _What the hell is he going to do?_ I ask in my head, my nerves concentrating in my stomach.

"Can I help you with that?" he asks as he observes my struggles to spread the cream over my back. I stop and look down at the bottle of sunscreen in hesitation and then up at him. He sends me an irresistible smile and winks his eye.

"okay" I softly say as I hand him the bottle and turn around to give him my back. I twist my neck to look over my shoulder towards Monica, who seems very entertained by something Chandler is telling her and luckily she isn't paying the smallest attention to us.

His hands begin to spread the cold liquid over my shoulders with extreme gentleness. The slow motion of his movements and the warmth that his hands transmit to my skin does nothing but heat up my body more than it should. I close my eyes as I feel one of his hands slowly trace down the line of my spine and land on the small of my back, where he extends the rest of the lotion with the same precision and smoothness.

"I'd appreciate it if you were less careful spreading the cream" I murmur as I fight back an involuntary moan.

"why?" he whispers. Even though I can't see his face I know he is his smiling with pride.

"because you're cruelly turning me on and this is not the right place for that" I whisper over my shoulder.

"what? I'm only helping you with the cream, Rach" he says casually but it's clear he is teasing me without mercy.

"yeah right…okay go on, but try not to enjoy this too much, you can get excited too and you won't be able to hide it, if you know what I mean…" I say with a triumphant smile.

"no problem, I can resist you anytime" he murmurs as he then gets closer and moves his fingers to my hips; his dangerous closeness makes his breath brush my neck every time he exhales. But I'm unable to complain or back away, there is a strange force that keeps me near him and powerless under his addictive touch. I close my eyes and decide to enjoy his wonderful hands for a few more seconds before the cream fades within my skin completely. However, my eyes suddenly fly open at the feeling of his lips kissing my shoulders and his hand wandering forward to my stomach.

"Ross!" I scold in a whisper as I quickly take a wide scan of the crowded place we're standing in. "there are plenty of people here, someone could be watching us"

"I-I'm sorry, I-I was drawn by the moment" he apologizes as he moves away from me. "I think we should leave this now"

"yeah, we better" he says taken aback by his own action and I have to chuckle.

"let's get in the pool before these two begin to wonder what's taking us so long" I suggest.

"yeah"

"so you can resist me, uh?" I murmur as we make our way towards the pool.

"shut up" he says, distancing himself from me us we near the pool. He immediately dives into the water without hesitation while I sit at the border of the swimming pool, gradually dipping my legs in the cold water.

"okay let's get the match started" Monica says rubbing her hands in anticipation. But I ignore her for a moment as I watch the group of people chatting, eating and drinking on the other side of the pool. I spot my parents, laughing together with the Gellers, all of them standing in the exact same spot where Ross and I made love for the first time mere two days ago. _If they knew that_…"God Rachel get in already! We're waiting for you" Monica's piercing voice distracts me from my rambling thoughts.

"geez, what's with the hurry? The water is freaking cold"

We spend a good hour playing volley in the water; a very amusing hour where I got to see how Monica and Chandler sent each other flirty looks the moment Ross wasn't looking. As expected we lost the game, and Monica took it out on me but I didn't make the smallest effort to defend myself. _I truly suck at sports, what can I say..._

We sit at the table when the sun has already disappeared below the horizon. I exchange glances with Ross throughout dinner, but for the most part I keep my eyes fixed on my plate, trying to control the growing annoyance I feel towards my sister Amy, who was quick enough to get the seat next to Ross and now is blatantly flirting with him before my eyes. _For god's sake, you're fourteen!_ I feel like yelling, but I would probably die of embarrassment when everybody on the table turned to look at me if I did.

Once dinner is over everybody spreads over the yard. I scan the place searching for Ross but is Monica who I find walking towards me instead.

"Rach, please, PLEASE entertain Ross for a while, Chandler and I are gonna have some alone time" she says in a low voice.

"Do I have to?" I say wrinkling my nose, pretending to dislike her idea, _which couldn't be further from the truth. _

"yes, pleaseee, I-I'll do you a favour whenever you want"

"alright…you owe me a big one though!"

"sure" she says as begins to walk away.

"but wait! Where are you guys gonna be? You know, to avoid going there"

"my room, see you later" she says as she quickly enters the house. Mere seconds later Chandler gets inside as well, walking awkwardly and looking everywhere in a hasty way. I direct my eyes towards the lawn where everybody is and I spot Ross alone, filling his drink. _Perfect. _I get to where he is, stand next to and I as well fill a cup with the liquid of the first bottle I can reach.

"hey…" he murmurs glancing at me.

"I'm going to the bathroom, meet you there in a minute?" I whisper without lifting my eyes from my cup.

"Absolutely" he whispers back and I walk away with my cup filled. I enter the bathroom and pour the liquid in the sink as I take a look at my reflection in the mirror. I run my fingers through my hair as I wait for him with anxiety. I give a little yelp when some arms encircle my waist from behind and hug me effusively.

"god, I've been dying to do this all day" He says into my ear as he buries his face in my neck and begins to nibble at it. I smile broadly and bring my hands to rest on his head, as my fingers begin to play with his short locks.

"I've missed you so much" I say out of honesty. I turn around on his embrace, grab his cheeks with my hands and kiss his lips with eagerness.

"what were you talking about with my sister at the table?" without even thinking the question leaves my mouth as our lips split. He looks at me estranged but then laughs softly.

"nothing interesting, I think she likes me though…she kept trying to flirt with me" he says in a chuckle but I send him an irritated look.

"you better stay clear from her, she is a total brat!" he chuckles at my seriousness. "what? I'm not kidding"

"are you jealous?" he says teasingly.

"me? jealous? No way, it's just that she is fourteen, you know, she shouldn't be flirting with older boys" I say looking away. _Okay I'm jealous, I want you for me, what's the problem with that?_

"I like jealous Rachel" he says ignoring my words. I roll my eyes. Then I feel his lips kiss me with such tenderness that I completely give up on the issue. I don't precisely want to waste my little time with him discussing about my silly sister.

"can we go somewhere else? Someone may need this bathroom eventually" I whisper as I sensually run my index finger down his chest.

"you're right, let's go to my bedroom" he says grabbing my hand, but I quickly stop him.

"no! not to your bedroom"

"why?"

"because that's the first place where they'll look for you"

"true…oh wait" he says as he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom and towards a nearby door. He pushes it open and simultaneously switches the light on as he closes the door. His lips return to kiss mine before I have the chance to check this new, unfamiliar place.

"where are we?" I ask against his mouth, peering at the long, sloping stairs on my left.

"the basement" he murmurs as he kisses the corner of my mouth.

"uh…I don't like basements" I say as I pull a face. He moves away and grabs my hand with a smile.

"This is not the filthy, crammed basement you're thinking of" he says as we descend the stairs to find a neatly organized basement, practically looking like another sitting room with several shelves, a couch, a desk and a keyboard.

"what do you use this room for?" I wonder aloud.

"I use it for my keyboard practise, I'm the only who comes here actually"

"you can play the keyboard?" I ask letting out a small laugh of disbelief.

"yes, and I'm pretty good at it!" he says defensively.

"oh really? I'll have to see that" I say as I wrap my arms around his body from behind and rest my chin on his shoulder.

"any day!...except today" he says twisting his neck to look down at me.

"so why did you bring me here then?" I softly ask as I slide one of my hands down his body and introduce it under the elastic band of his swim trunk. I teasingly begin to stroke him as I observe his dazed expression.

"I don't know…maybe you already have an idea?" he tries to say nonchalantly but the little shakes his body gives betray him.

"maybe" I smile proudly as I close my hand around him and startle him when I begin to stroke him with more intensity. Soon enough, I feel him harden under my touch, something that turns me on a great deal. He whispers something that I don't manage to hear and stops my movements as he turns around and encircles my waist.

"I forgot to tell you…the basement is soundproof" he says with a grin, leaning his forehead against mine as he makes me walk backwards.

"and what do you want to tell me with that?" I whisper with a smirk.

"that we can be as loud as we want that nobody will hear us." He murmurs as he pins me up against the wall behind me and buries his face in my neck, where his lips begin to leave small butterfly kisses.

"y-you know honey, I-I love your idea" I say; my consciousness trying to rule over my awakening hormones. "b-but I don't think this is right…some…one could come and…catch us in the…act" I manage to say but I feel how my body little by little begins to surrender to his wonderful touch.

"relax…nobody will place a foot in this place, plus I locked the door" he says as he slides the straps of my dress down my shoulders and it effortlessly falls to my feet, revealing my sky blue bikini.

"okay, you convinced me" I state as I impatiently grab his T-shirt and quickly pull it up above his shoulders while he skilfully undoes every knot of my bikini, leaving me entirely naked in a matter of seconds.

"Please, tell me you have condoms today" I plead as I feel his mouth fully sucking on one of my breasts and my body shakes with great pleasure. He stops and smiles as he walks towards one of the selves, where he opens a small drawer and takes out a small package.

"here" he says as he returns and shows it to me.

"thank god" I let out as I steal it from his hand. "take those off" I command, pointing at his swim trucks with my eyes while I rip the square package open.

"yes, ma'am" he says in a chuckle. Once the trunks are off I unroll the condom on him and soon enough, he grabs my thighs and surprises me sweeping me off my feet and pressing me against the wall as he enters me with urgency. I gasp at the mixture of pain and pleasure caused by his swift motion.

"sorry" he apologises with a remorseful smile.

"no worries, go on honey" I whisper, my heart already beating out of control. I wrap my legs firmly around him as he begins to push himself into me. His mouth sucks on my neck carelessly while I dig my nails on his back to urge him to pick the pace. Nonetheless, his arms begin to loose strength until he cannot hold me any longer and he has to put me down.

"let's use the couch" I suggest in a breathless whisper.

"no, here" he says as lies on the rug sitting in the centre of the room and takes me down with him.

"here? Isn't it uncomfortable?"

"no more than the wall" he jokes. I soon feel him go deep inside me as I straddle him. His hands rest on my hips and a chill run up my spine. I open my eyes to see him gazing at me with pure lust, which makes me blush heavily.

"move" he orders as he gives a squeeze to my tights and I feel more blood rushing to my cheeks.

"close your eyes" I shyly request.

"why?" he says frowning.

"'cause you looking at me like that make me feel self-conscious" I admit as I run my fingers up and down his moist, naked torso.

"don't be silly" He murmurs as he pulls me down to give me a soothing kiss. I sit up again I silently beg him through my eyes "okay…" he finally accepts and closes his eyes. I close mine as well and begin to roll my hips onto him in small circles. I fasten my pace when my body begs for it and a throaty moan escapes my mouth.

"…you look so sexy" I hear him murmur. I peer at him with one eye opened and find him grinning and gazing at me barefacedly. I blush, but I don't stop my movements, dreading that if I do, I may lose track of this pleasurable sensation.

"shut up" I whisper as I pick up my pace a bit more. He starts to lift his pelvis to meet my movements, increasing the already head-spinning pleasure. We began to pant and moan in synch and rather loudly as we both reach climax.

I collapse onto him, breathless and feeling my blood throbbing through my veins. I don't move until we both have regained our normal state. Then I rest my arms on his chest and lift my body a little to gaze at his handsome, smiley face.

"you keep getting better Geller" I say with a grin and give him a small peck.

"nah…you're the one good at this" he says smiling as he fondly caresses my back. I thank his compliment with a long, slow kiss.

"by the way, I loved how you made my dad shut up earlier, It was delight to watch" I comment a while later.

"not so fun to me, I could have filled a bucket with just the sweat of my hands, Your dad is intimidating"

"I know, but you did great, I think he may like you…eventually" I say in a chuckle.

"I doubt so" he says with exaggerated fear. "hey, are you free tomorrow?" he asks later. "mmh…I think so why?"

"then, Can I take you out on our first date?" he says with a smirk.

"yes! you better! Where are you gonna take me?" I ask with enthusiasm.

"it's a secret"

"Can I at least ask for a hint?" I say pouting.

"nope"

"I hate you" I say pressing my lips together, pretending anger.

"well, I'm sure you won't hate me tomorrow" he says grinning and I slap his chest playfully.

"so…when and where should I meet you?"

"how about 6pm at the nearby McDonalds?" I lift my eyebrow confused.

"at McDonalds? Why?"

"because if I pick you up or you come here it's more than likely that someone may see us…"

"true, then McDonalds it is"

"Are you punctual or should I arrive half an hour late?" he mockingly say.

"I usually am, but I promise I'll be right on time for you, I'm so looking forward to this"

"nice" silence fills the room and I rest my head on his shoulder and run my fingers through his hair as I enjoy this quiet moment. I love the feeling of our naked bodies touching and I cannot help imagining many more moments like this with him by my side.

"what time is it?" I ask a little later.

"half past nine" he says peering at a clock sitting on a shelf.

"I think I should get dressed…we've been away for a good while and we may be leaving soon"

"yeah…I guess you are right…let me just enjoy your lips for a moment" he says as he turns us around and brushes my lips with tenderness.

…

When I return to the backyard most of the people have already left and my parents seem to be saying goodbye to the Geller.

"Rachel, we're leaving" my sister Jill informs me.

"okay, let me just say bye to Monica" I spot Monica by the beverage table, happily cleaning up the mess.

"hey, did Chandler leave already?" I ask Monica as I sit on a nearby chair, given that my legs keep shaking a little since…you know.

"hey! yes" she says pouting, taking a break from her favourite activity and taking a seat next to me.

"why that face? You don't have reasons to complain, you spent almost the whole evening together!"

"I know" she says smiling "thanks for keeping Ross busy, by the way" _my pleasure._

"no problem"

"did he ask where Chandler was?"

"not really"

"good, why did you guys do?"

"well…we talked and he told me that he could play the keyboard and then I made the wrong decision to ask him to show me" I lie.

"oh gosh, that must have been a real torture"

"yeah, a BIG torture" _oh Monica, if you knew the 'torture' I'm talking about… _"anyway, I have to leave…shall we go to the cinema sometime this week?"

"sure! Just let me know when you're available" she says with a smile, which all of a sudden disappears as she looks at me with a weird expression on her face.

"what?" I ask, getting worried.

"oh my god! Is that a hickey?" she exclaims as she pushes my hair back and looks at my neck puzzled. My eyes widen in surprise as I quickly cover the darkened area of my neck with my hand. _Damn you Geller! _

"a-a hickey? Puff, of course no" I say in a nervous chuckle.

"it's definitely a hickey, Rach" she says sending me a –try fooling someone else- look. "or are you gonna say that you tripped and hit your neck with a lips-shaped rock? because my 4 years old cousin can make up lies better than that"

"alright…it's a hickey yes" I say helplessly.

"really?" she says with sarcasm. "so, you did spend the weekend with a guy uh? Who is it?" she asks with curiosity now.

"em…" I nervously look in every direction, not able to come up with a realistic excuse.

"oh my god Rach, please tell me it wasn't Chip"

"ew no! and please don't mention that jerk ever again"

"oh my god! It's my brother, isn't it?" my heart skips a beat and my whole body freezes with her question.

"your brother? are you crazy?" I say trying really hard not to stutter, and putting a disgusted face that I hope looks believable. "i-it's a guy I met at Stephanie's party" I quickly add.

"oh cool what's his name?" she asks, seeming satisfied with my answer. _Phew_.

"Rachel! Let's go" I hear my mom call for me.

"oops, sorry, I have to go"

"what! you cannot leave me with the curiosity!"

"I'm sorry" I say with a shrug as I speed towards my parents. "I'll tell you later, have fun cleaning!" I yell from afar. "I'll see you tomorrow" I whisper to Ross as we pass by him on our way towards the main door and he faintly winks his eye as response. We exchange a last glance and then I leave, feeling the butterflies flutter in my stomach just thinking of our date of the next day.

…

The following day I start to get ready for our awaited first date two hours earlier, wanting to be on time just like I promised him. I decide to go for a white spaghetti strap dress only decorated with a black ribbon around the waistline. I try several hairdos but end up leaving my long blonde hair loose over my shoulders. After putting some mascara and hardly any make up on I grab my purse and cross the door of my room already wearing a big smile.

"oh great, you're dressed up" I'm surprised by my father's voice coming from the other end of the stairs. I find him looking up at me with a special grin that I know it will only bring me problems. I descend the last few steps with dread.

"why is it great?"

"Remember I told you about my friend's son Barry?" I nod, not wanting to jump into the awful conclusions that are emerging in my mind this very moment. "Well, I bought tickets for a play for the two of you tonight. He is right outside waiting for you" his words suddenly make me feel sick in my stomach and I have a strong desire to throw up.

"what the fuck dad! Why on earth would you do that!" I break out with unconcealed fury.

"watch your mouth young lady! Don't you talk to your father like that again" he says pointing at me. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves as I convince myself that this must be some kind of a joke, a tasteless joke my father is playing on me.

"I'm sorry, but how dare you set me up with somebody without my consent? This is not the seventeenth century dad! You cannot decide over me!" I say with fury.

"you're my daughter and you're still underage, therefore I can decide for you whenever I want, and lower your tone missy" _is this actually happening? Please someone tell me this is not my father._

"Dad, I am NOT going anywhere with that Barry guy, I don't even know him!"

"I do know him, and he is the greatest man you'd ever find, he is truly nice and smart"

"then you go out with him!" I snap "Plus I have other plans; shouldn't you have at least asked if I was available before setting all this up?"

"I'm sure you can postpone those other plans, this is more important" I clench my teeth as I feel my rage increasing by the second. Suddenly I feel like yelling several unkind words right at my father's face, But I don't, because I know it would only worsen this twisted situation.

"this is important too and I WON'T postpone it, you'll have to tell your friend's son that I can't meet today" I firmly say as I walk past him.

"either you go or you say goodbye to all your beloved credit cards AND car forever" he says as final sentence. I paralyse in my spot and turn around.

"you cannot do that" I weakly say; knowing deep inside that he is very serious about this.

"yes I can, and I will if you don't go greet him this very moment" he says pointing towards the door.

"dad please…" my voice cracks, being almost on the verge of tears, however my dad doesn't even flicker.

"go, and you better be nice to him" he say in a intimidating tone. I finally give up and resign myself, knowing that there is no ways I can possible change my stubborn father's mind.

"I hate you" I mumble as I turn around and slam the main door behind me. I bury my face in my hands, with tears threatening to break through my eyes. I hold my breath to prevent it but all I want to do is cry and run away from everything.

When I lift my gaze, I find a silver convertible parked in front of my house and a brown-haired guy, wearing sunglasses, sitting on the driver seat. The idea of escaping before he notices me there surges in my head, however, it only takes two seconds for him to lift his gaze and find me there. He smiles and gets down from his 'cool' car.

"you must be Rachel" he says extending his hand towards me as he masticates his gum in a disgusting bovine fashion. I slowly nod my head as I put my hand on his and shake it emotionlessly. "wow, you're far more beautiful than I thought you would be" he comments.

"thank you" I automatically say, barely paying attention to his words since my mind is only focused on Ross and how much I will disappoint him if I don't show up at our first date. _I need to go, damn i! _I yell in my mind, feeling another wave of tears moving to my eyes with strength.

"Shall we go?" he asks motioning his hands towards his expensive car. I briefly look back at my house; the curtains move faintly and I know he is right behind them, watching my every movement carefully. I let out a deep sigh and begin to walk towards the car, feeling like a harmless animal which is about to be sacrificed.

…..

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'd love to read your thoughts on it.**** Reviews help me write faster, just saying :P**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you guys for the kind words. ****I always look forward to reading your opinions and they make me really happy so thank you! I hope you enjoy the next update as well.**

**CHAPTER 12**

"stop the car!" I cry out the second we turn the corner of my street. The stranger called Barry turns and looks at me bewildered by my sudden yell.

"why?"

"I-I can't go with you to the play, I'm so sorry, I just- I have something else to do, please stop the car"

"what?" I roll my eyes annoyed. _Am I speaking Chinese or What? I want to get down of the car dumb-ass!_

"I'm supposed to be meeting someone in half an hour and it's very important, I just can't go to the play"

"but your father said you were free…" he says in confusion.

"my father is an ass! He didn't even ask if I agreed to this in the first place"

"oh I had no idea…"

"Please, let me go, this is truly important" I say, pressing my hands together in a begging way.

"I understand your situation Rachel, but I'm afraid that won't be possible…your father made me responsible of you for tonight…what if something happens to you or he finds out I left you with someone else?…I can't do that, I'm sorry"

"please, I promise he'll never know, I'll tell him we went to the play and had a blast, deal?"

"….still, I don't want to take the risk, I know your father and how protective of you he is…"

"Well thank you for ruining my day!" I say crossing my arms in anger and turning my eyes towards the road ahead. I glare at it, wishing that the hard cement turned into sticky mud and left us no other choice but to stop the car that is only taking further and further away from Ross.

"Is that person you were meeting your boyfriend?" he asks little after. I hesitate for a moment whether to tell him the truth or not.

"no…it's just a friend of mine" I lie; he is a stranger after all, and an ally of my father, which is even worse. "Can we at least stop by her house, please?" I ask hopeful. _Maybe Ross didn't leave his house yet and I still can explain this madness to him._

"We're near the highway, I can't make a u-turn now…plus we are kind of late for the play..."

"as if I care about that"

"Why don't you call your friend from the theatre?" _and why don't you just leave me alone? Can't you see that I don't have the smallest interest in going to this play with you? _I shrug my shoulders in resignation and shrink in the seat, wanting this twisted night to be over this instant.

(…)

"pick up, pick up, pick up Ross please" I pray, eyes closed.

"hello?" Jack's voice interrupts my prayer.

"hi! Can I speak to Ross please?" I ask right away.

"who is this?"

"em, a friend of him…"

"Ross left some minutes ago" the little hope I was holding drops heavily to the floor, dragging my happiness with it and leaving me completely weak and down-hearted. I rest my back on the nearest wall, dreading an embarrassing fall. I hear something on the other side of the receiver, but I'm still too lifeless to even pay attention. "sorry?" I manage to mutter.

"do you wish to leave a message?" Jack politely repeats.

"it's okay-" my voice cracks; tears flooding my eyes. "I…I'll call later" I say before hanging the phone in deep misery. _Why does this have to be so complicated!_

"did you talk to your friend?" I hear Barry's voice from afar. I quickly sweep my tears off my face and turn to find him standing next to me.

"she wasn't home…"

"don't be sad, I'm sure she will understand…Shall we go inside?" he asks, placing a hand on the small of my back. I don't pronounce a word; my voice is tied but my body obeys his order and begins to walk right as if controlled by a remote. _What else could I do? My night and date with Ross is already ruined._

The theatre is packed. Our seats are among the first rows, as it couldn't be any other way being my father Leonard Green. The lights are still on and all I can see is happy faces surrounding me, happy faces that I only perceive as a mock to my misfortune. What will Ross think of me when he realizes I'm not coming? Will he worry about me? Will he think I stood him up? Or even worse, will he think I was playing with him all this time? _Please don't let him believe that._

"isn't this a magnificent theatre?" I hear Barry's voice in the background of my thoughts.

"yes" I automatically say, not really having heard his words.

"Have you been here before?" _ Please let the play begin and shut this freak up! _

"no"

"do you-"

"you don't need to make small talk" I snap. His shocked expression makes me regret my words. In the end it isn't his fault that I'm here.

"wow, am I that annoying?" he says pulling a funny face. I let out a sad chuckle.

"no, you're not…I'm just mad at my dad and this situation, I'm sorry I'm taking it out on you…" I tilt my head in an apologetic way.

"You were meeting your boyfriend, weren't you?" I look right at his eyes for the first time in the entire night. He gives me a sympathy smile, which makes me feel a little more comfortable with this total stranger. "That's the only reason I can think of for you to be this upset…"

"it's not your business" I say as politely as possible "and I don't mean to be rude…it's just that…I don't know you"

"well, that's why we're on this 'date', to get to know each other." he says placing his hand over mine. I look at our hands touching, and all I can think of is how different it feels when Ross does it. I subtly move it away and rest both of my hands securely on my lap. "so you DO have a boyfriend" he says kind of amused. "I won't tell your father, if that's what scares you"

"I may…yes" I finally admit not entirely comfortable, But something inside me tells me he is a truthful guy. "in fact, today was our first official date…but I guess that is not happening" I say, not making the slightest effort to hide my disappointment and bigger sadness.

"oh…I'm sorry, had I known that-"

"you don't have to apologize" I stop him. "It's my dad's fault, he should have asked me first, but why would he? When I'm his daughter and he has the right to decide and plan my life for me" _do I sound bitter enough? because I can try again. _

"I'm sorry Rachel" he says, seeming honest about those words.

"so Am I…" I say in a sigh.

"don't be sad, if he loves you he will understand"

"I hope so" _I really hope so._

"why didn't you tell your dad about your boyfriend anyway?"

"tell my dad I have a boyfriend? That's like telling him 'dad I want you to analyze, criticise and give my boyfriend a hard time whenever I invite him home, alright?'" I hear him let out a loud guffaw, which makes the people in front of us turn for a moment.

"you're kidding right?" he says one his laughter has ceased.

"not at all, that's my dear, lovely father" I say with sarcasm.

"wow really?" He laughs again, lower this time. "Then I have such a big misconception about your father, he is always so nice with me"

"that's because he likes you"

"how come?"

"I don't know, you tell me"

"…perhaps he wants us together so that he can get free visits to the dentist?" he says shrugging, I chuckle weakly.

"Could be that yeah, whatever it takes to save some money he will do" I say with a half smile. _it's sad but it's the truth. _"so please, don't tell my dad, I beg you"

"I won't, your secret is safe with me"

"thank you"

"too bad you're taken…do you really love this boyfriend of yours? Because we could be good together"

"I do, more than I thought I was able to love anybody" I say from the bottom of my heart.

"okay, you're in love, don't need to say more, I can see it in your eyes" I smile, I _am_ in love.

"but hey, I have two other sisters, you can go out with one of them, I give you my permission"

"do they look like you?"

"that's too much hoping" I joke.

"bummer" we share a laugh.

"okay, so you have a boyfriend…Can I at least give you this?" he says taking a small dark blue box out of one of his pockets. "I bought it before I knew you were in a relationship, of course"

"what is it?" I say lifting a brow.

"open it" I take the box in my hands with curiosity. "Quickly, the play is about to start" he urges me. I open the small box and find an elegant, silver bracelet covered with shiny blue, pink and white crystals that look awfully much like diamonds.

"oh my god" I say in a gasp "are these real diamonds?"

"real diamonds" he says nodding.

"wow…it's gorgeous, thank you…I can't take it though, it must have cost you a fortune" I say, closing the small box and reluctantly handing it back to him.

"I can afford it, keep it" he says as he places it in my hands again.

"but-"

"really, I want you to have it" he insists and I give up, I'd be lying if I said I don't want it.

"okay…but this doesn't change anything, if that's the intention you put on this gift…I love my boyfriend very much"

"it's just a 'let's be friends' gift, you don't have to worry"

"'a let's be friends' gift?...well, I think I can accept it if that's what it means"

"let me help you put it on" he says as he takes the bracelet and clasp it around my wrist.

"thank for understanding Barry, you're so sweet, and for this gorgeous jewellery masterpiece" I say with an honest smile.

"no problem, I'm glad it cheered you up a little bit and…we'd better shut up now, I'm sensing hostility coming from ahead" he says in a lower voice, I lift my look and find three people staring at us with not so friendly eyes. I contain a giggle.

The play is over after two long hours where, despite Barry's sweet gesture, misery and desperation has dwelt in my body. I don't even know what was the plot or who the actors played, My mind was only able to focus on Ross. I wondered where he was at that moment, how long had he waited for me, which kind of thoughts could have gone through his mind when he realised I wasn't coming, and the more I wondered the more my desperation grew.

Barry drives me home afterwards, trying to keep a conversation alive but as nice as he is and the efforts he makes to cheer me up I can't respond to him, my throat is contracted, leaving just a tiny space for vital air.

"we are here" his words wake me up, and I immediately open the door.

"thank you again Barry" I say as I send him a faint smile and turn to walk towards my house.

"wait, do you want to hang out some other day?"

"you're very nice Barry, but I don't think so…"

"I mean 'hang out' as friends Rachel, nothing else"

"alright…I'll think about it, I gotta go now, good night"

"good night, and good luck!"

"thank you" I yell back as I open the door, drop everything my hands are holding and run towards the phone.

….

"hello?"

"Ross! Thank god you picked up the phone!" I say liberating the puff of air trapped within my chest. However, dead silence is all I get as response and my feeling of guilt doubles its weight over my shoulders. "Ross, I'm so SO sorry I didn't show up, my dad screwed it all up for me." I try to explain, my voice at a breaking point. Another deep, disturbing silence follows and I feel like burst out crying. "please Ross, say something, are you mad at me?"

"look Rachel, I don't feel like talking right now" he says in an emotionless voice. I hold my breath as silent tears of guilt crawl down my cheeks.

"please don't say that…I-I don't want to explain this over the phone and I know it's kinda late but…Can we please meet? I owe you an explanation" he stays quiet again, and I begin to loose hope. "Please" I beg in an involuntary sob.

"alright…" he finally say, allowing me to breath again "do you want me to come over?"

"yes please, don't ring the bell though, everybody is sleeping, I'll leave the door crack open for you"

"okay…I'll be there in a few minutes"

"Ross, I'm really sorry" I say containing another river of tears that begins to form in my already reddened eyes.

"see you" he says after a brief silence that only enhances my anxiety. I drop the phone and run towards the main door and open it as I promised. I pick up my things from the floor and enter my bedroom. The wait is torturing, and it has me pacing in every direction of my room, wanting to kick and break everything to release this suffocating angst.

My heart skips a beat the moment I hear a faint knock on my bedroom door.

"Hi" he whispers, closing the door behind him and a big smile draws on my face. I immediately jump from my bed and wrap my arms around his neck in a needed hug. He seems reluctant at first, but then he encircles my waist with his strong arms and squeezes me into his body, making me feel at peace for the first time that day. I move my hands to his cheeks and force him to look straight into my eyes.

"I'm sorry" I whisper before kissing him, softly but with need.

"Rach-" he protests, pulling his face away. I sigh, aware of how he must feel.

"shh, don't say anything before I can explain what happened" I grab his hand and guide him to my bed. He sits in front of me still wearing that serious expression that makes my stomach turn; I grab his hand and caress it as I think of where to start from.

"I'm really sorry I didn't make it to our first day, I was going, I really was! But my dad had set me up with that stupid guy he wants me to date and I couldn't get away from it, he didn't even tell me about it until the very last minute that's why I didn't have time to call you." I stop, out of breath. "God, you cannot imagine what an awful night I've had knowing you were waiting for me and I couldn't even contact you…I-I'm really sorry our first date got ruined" I lift my head and meet gazes with him. I unconsciously bite my lip as I try to contain the imminent tears that want to break through my eyes when he doesn't say a word back. "I'll understand if you're mad at me, but Ross, say something please" I beg, hating the way his lips have kept frozen since he arrived.

"you look gorgeous" he suddenly says, leaving me dumbfounded.

"w-what?"

"you look gorgeous in that dress, it brings out your beautiful skin color" he says, showing a cute smile, bringing me back a happiness that had been absent.

"you aren't mad at me?" I ask, unable to hide the smile he has put on my face with those few words.

"how could I? now that I know you didn't intentionally stand me up I have no reasons to be mad at you, it wasn't your fault after all" he says stroking my hands reassuringly.

"so you believe me? I found what happened so twisted that I dreaded you wouldn't believe me"

"…if I didn't know your father I would have had my doubts but yeah, I do believe-" I don't let him finish the sentence; I simply grab his cheeks and bring him for a kiss I had been waiting for all day. His hands move to my back as he responds to my kiss with tenderness, melting away my previous anxiety.

"I love you" I murmur between pecks and he deepens the kiss in response. "Thank you for being so understanding" I murmur as our lips part.

"no problem, but you'll have to make it up for me someway"

"totally agree with that" I smile. "Can we do whatever you had planned for us tomorrow? I'm still looking forward to that first date"

"I wish…but it had to be today" he says, with evident disappointment.

"How come? What did you have planned?"

"I guess I can tell you now…I had gotten tickets for yesterday's U2's concert" my jaw drops.

"what! you're kidding right?"

"nope" he says, shaking his head.

"oh my god, h-how? Tickets were sold out for months!" I say unbelievingly.  
>"just made some research…and I got them"<p>

"damn it! and I missed it for a stupid play I couldn't care less about? I hate my dad, I do!"

"so do I" he says, imitating my whiny tone. I slap his shoulder playfully.

"how did you know I liked U2, by the way?"

"how? I needed to be deaf not to know that, you and my sister put their songs on full blast like…every evening!"

"oh right" I say in a chuckle, remembering the many evening at Monica's when we would dance and sing like crazy to U2 songs. "Tell me more, what else did you have planned?" I ask as I lean forward to rest my head on his chest. He embraces me and begins to gently rub my back.

"well…I was going to cover your eyes, drive you into Manhattan and surprise you when we were at The Garden…and then…since we would have been in the city I thought it would have been cool to go up to the top of the Empire State and watch the stars together from closer" he murmurs as he kisses my hair. I look up at him and smile.

"you're amazing" I say in a whisper. "That…would have been a pretty awesome first date"

"yeah…I'm sorry it didn't work out…I know how much you adore U2"

"it's okay…plus it's actually a relief we didn't go, Can you picture me at a U2 concert with this dress? People would have kicked me out of there" we share a knowingly laugh. "jokes aside, I really appreciate how much dedication you put on the date…even if it didn't happen"

"I just want to make you happy"

"honey, you're making me happy right now, just by being here with me" I say, looking into his eyes. The biggest smile lightens his face and it makes my stomach and everything there is inside my body jump of pure joy. He pulls me closer as he locks lips with me with eagerness.

"so, we move the date to tomorrow?" he murmurs all giddy.

"Yeah…we could…go to the movies tomorrow? I'll let you choose the movie for today's fiasco"

"Think that twice, you may not like the movie I choose" he warns me.

"It doesn't matter, plus…if it gets boring you can entertain me some other way" I sensually say, brushing his lips as I introduce my hands under his T-shirt and begin to stroke his sides.

"mmmh, then I'll make sure I chose a foreign one" we share a snigger and then I see him glance at his watch and make a face.

"ugh, I gotta go, it's getting late"

"no please" I whine as I grab his hand firmly "sleep with me tonight" I plead as I tilt my head and send him a sad pout that has effect on him right away.

"okay…will you wake me up early? I don't want to run into your father and have a heart attack" a chuckle exits my mouth.

"I will, don't worry, now get those clothes off" I order as I myself stand up and unzip my dress and get rid of my strapless bra before getting in my bed. When I look at him he is standing still, looking at me with a mixture of puzzlement and yearn.

"what?"

"are you gonna sleep like that?"

"yes, why?"

"no reason, just don't bother waking me up, I won't be able to sleep anyhow" I let out a loud chuckly.

"get in here silly!"

We lie cuddled under the covers of my bed, my head resting on his shoulder as he embraces me close. I draw circles in his chest with my finger while I close my eyes to enjoy the small kisses he leaves in my forehead. He gently strokes my arm up and down, until something distracts him.

"what's this?" he asks, passing his fingers over the bracelet Barry gave me.

"oh…Barry gave it to me" I say casually, not giving it much importance but when he doesn't say anything I know he thinks otherwise. "Does it bother you?" I ask as I turn around to see his reactions. However he ignores my question and instead he observes the diamonds of my bracelet with wondering eyes.

"tell me about him" he asks with evident reluctance.

"why?" I frown in confusion.

"I don't know…I want to know what type of guy your father wants for you" I wrinkle my nose, not really feeling like getting into the issue again.

"well, his name is Barry…he's studying to be an orthodontist and…I don't know much else to be honest, I barely pay attention to what he said, but he was nice, I told him about you and what happened and he apologized for having spoiled our date, and tried to cheer me up"

"you told him about me?"

"well no directly, I didn't mention your name, but he knows I have a boyfriend"

"what if he tells your father?" he asks with concern.

"I don't think he will, he gave me a good vibe…" he moves his eyes to the ceiling and stays quiet for a while. I observe him carefully; he barely blinks and I soon know something is going through his mind, and not exactly a good thing.

"what are you thinking?" I ask concerned.

"I'm thinking that…I'm not the right guy for you Rach" a strong pinch hits my stomach as soon as those words leave his moth.

"what? Why would you think that?"  
>"because- I'm a normal person, with a much simpler life than that guy, and…I-I won't be able to offer you all the luxury you're used to, o-or buy you this" he says lifting my hand "which probably costs as much as my entire house…maybe your father is right and you should date that Barry" I take a deep breath, disbelieving those words have come right out of his mouth.<p>

"first of all, don't tell me what's right for me or not, I have enough with my father deciding for me twenty four hours a day! And second of all, I love YOU. I don't care if it's right or wrong, what I know is nobody has made me feel they way you do, EVER. And this is much better than any piece of jewellery, and if that's what worries you, here" I quickly unclasp the bracelet and throw it away. "I don't want that or anything else if they'll make you have those bizarre thoughts…I love you Ross" I say calmer now. "in fact, when Barry and I were at the theatre...he touched my hand, and you know what I felt? NOTHING, all I could think of was how different it felt when you did it and how I wish it were you sitting next to me…and you're a normal person? since when? You're very special, to me at least, and-" I suddenly can't speak; his mouth has invaded mine with a passionate, breathtaking kiss that almost makes me fall off the bed. I embrace him as he lies upon me, kissing me with eagerness. I smile in my head, enjoying this feeling of happiness that only him can provide.

·····················

"are you sure you want to let me choose the movie?" Ross asks as he hugs me from behind. I lean my head backwards and rest it on his shoulder.

"I am sure, but decide fast, we're next" I warn him. When I part my eyes from the movie posters, something catches my attention; a guy, who looks especially familiar, walking to our line. My eyes widen when I suddenly realise who that person is.

"oh my god, what's Barry doing here!" I exclaim as I quickly hide behind Ross.

"who is Barry?" Ross asks confused.

"the guy my father set me up with, I told you about him last night!"

"Is that Mindy next to him?" Ross asks incredulous. I quickly peer at them over his shoulder.

"oh my god! What is she doing with him! Don't move! they're gonna see me" I scold him in a hiss.

"too late, they're coming towards us"

"!" I swear under a breath as I reluctantly return to standing next to him.

"hi Rachel" Barry cheerfully says as he reach us.

"oh hey Barry! I hadn't seen you there." I say faking surprise. "Hi Mindy" _you bitch had to be there, didn't you?_

"how are you?" he politely asks.

"fine, you?"

"good too...I assume this is your famous boyfriend, right?" he says turning to Ross.

"new boyfriend? You sure do not waste time, do you Rachel?" Mindy says with that bothersome bitchy tone of her.

"I am the boyfriend, Ross Geller, nice to meet you" Ross quickly steps in. _he knows me too well._

"Ross Geller, as in Monica Geller's brother?" Mindy says stunned. _! Why didn't I guess this would happen? now everybody will know about us. Great!_

"yes" he responds casually.

"wow! You sure have changed over the summer, I hardly recognized you" she says in a flirty way that makes me want to struggle her. She then looks at me with a grin. _She is already planning something. I know it. _I direct my eyes towards Barry.

"what about you two? Are you…a couple?" I say frowning.

"no…we're just hanging out" he soon clarifies, something that bothered Mindy judging by her silent reaction.

"Which movie are you guys seeing?" she soon asks. Ross and I exchange glances.

"eh- we haven't decided yet" Ross says.

"oh well, why don't we all go see the same one?" Mindy suggest; I clench my teeth to prevent a yell, since I know all she wants to do is spy on me.

"Actually we had decided already, we're going to watch that German documentary, right honey?…You'll probably get bored" I quickly say.

"it's okay, we want to see that too, right Barry?" _you annoying bitch leave me the alone!_ He shrugs his shoulders. Ross looks at me, silently asking me how the hell we can escape from these two. _I wish I know…_

"it could be fun" Barry adds. _Nooo! Make something up Rachel!_ But I can't, my mind has blocked completely. _Awesome. My date with Ross got ruined once again. What else could go wrong uh? _

As we wait for the movie to start I try to remain calm in my seat, get my exasperation controlled, but I fail. Knowing she is sitting by my side, peering at me from the corner of her eye and memorizing whatever I do to chitchat with others later only increases my anger. I feel Ross' hand rest on mine and give it a reassuring squeeze. I look at him and send him a grateful smile. His eyes tell me he hates this situation as much as I do.

We chose this far-off theatre looking for privacy, _Why did these two have to show up at this exact cinema? This is nerve-wracking! _

"I-I'm going to the restroom, be right back" I murmur to him.

"Rach, you going to the ladies room? I'll go with you" Mindy invites herself as soon as she notices I've stoop up from my seat. I choke back a groan of deep frustration and begin to walk away, closely followed by her. "how convenient that you started dating Ross Geller just when he became a hottie" she points out the moment we cross the restroom door. "That doesn't show how shallow you are at all" she adds with sarcasm. I turn over my heels and glare at her.

"Will you for once mind your own business?" I say through my clenched teeth.

"always so edgy, what's up with you Rach? we're friends" she says with a big, fake smile.

"We are so NOT friends Mindy, I think I made it pretty clear the last time I saw you, so please, leave me alone, go annoy someone else"

"you know, it's so funny how things are, some months ago you didn't give a shit about Ross and now you seem all head over heels for him…ha" she says, ignoring completely my previous reprimand. "but I gotta say, it's a huge downgrade for you after having dated Chip"

"you know Mindy, your opinion is like sneakers to me, useless!...and what are you doing with Barry anyway? Has your father refused to pay any more of your whims and now you need someone else with deep pockets?"

"yes, I won't deny that, I'm not a coward like you" she says, placing a hand on her hip and rising her chin in superiority.

"you're pathetic, thankfully Barry seems to be smart enough to know what kind of person you are, or I may warn him, just in case"

"do so and everybody will know you're dating the geekiest guy in High School by tomorrow" she says, threatening me with a pointy finger.

"go ahead, I don't care and good bye, I didn't come here to waste my time talking to you" I say before turning around and storming out of that place.

(…)

"so, our date got spoiled once again" Ross says with a sad smile of resignation as he stops the car at a safe distance from my house.

"ugh, next time let's just stay at your house or mine, at least there we'll be safe from running into undesirable people"

"what about your sisters?" he says in a chuckle.

"okay, let me remake that: next time let's just stay at YOUR house"

"actually…I think my parents are visiting my grandma in the city tomorrow, and I can get rid of Monica" he says, a grin forming on his lips.

"do it, please" I beg as I lean towards his seat, grab his face between my hands and press my lips against his. "I really need some alone time with you" I murmur before kissing him again.

"good, Eric will call you tomorrow morning to confirm the time" he says, placing his hands on my sides and pulling me closer as his tongue breaks through my lips.

_·····························_

I ring his door bell with anticipation shooting through my body. _Finally, an afternoon to enjoy without interruptions!_

"Hi" he says with an odd twisted smile.

"what's wrong, why that face?" I ask helplessly, knowing something was hidden under that apologetic expression he is wearing.

"we're not alone" _no! not again please! _

"what?" I ask in a weak sigh.

"my…cousin is here" _well, a cousin is not that bad. At least it's not his parents or Monica._

"oh, Is he/she leaving soon?" I ask with a glimmer of hope.

"Actually…I'm babysitting him"

"what? how old is he?" I shake my head confused.

"one…and a half"

"a-a baby?" I stutter shocked. I feel my hands suddenly start to sweat. _A baby? _"You know what…maybe we should meet some other day" I mutter, taking a step backwards. He pulls an amused face and grips my hand before I can go further away.

"I don't think so" he says, leading me inside despite myself.

"but why do you have to baby-sit him today? Don't you have other relatives? It was supposed to be you and I alone" I whine as I follow him towards the living room.

"I know, I'm sorry…no one else was available, and Monica had already left when my aunt called. What's the big deal anyway, he is a baby, he won't remember you were here, let alone tell someone about it"

"I know…I just…I don't like children" I admit. _In fact, they freak me out._

"I don't believe you" he murmurs as he stops and lets me enter first. I timidly walk in and find the baby sitting on a rug in the middle of the living room, playing gleefully with a bunch of colourful plastic blocks. The moment he notices our presence, his big brown eyes rise and gaze at me, giving me instant creeps.

"hi baby" I nervously say and the baby completely ignores me and returns to his game. "what's its name?"

"its? Rach, he's a person" he says in a mocking chuckle.

"I-I'm sorry, babies make me really nervous" he gives me a sympathy smile and hugs me from behind.

"his name is Dylan"

"oh, cute"

"do you want to hold him?"

"no, no no no no…h-he seems…quite happy there on the floor"

"alright…then, can I have a kiss? You haven't given me one since you arrived" he whines. I smile as I turn inside his embrace.

"that I can happily do" I whisper as we melt in a slow, delicious kiss.

"I need you to do me a small favour…" he says as he pushes my hair back and strokes my neck with his masculine finger. I lift an eyebrow in a query way. "Can you keep an eye on Dylan while I heat his milk?" he adds and my body paralyzes.

"you mean, me…alone with the baby?" my throat contracts and gets dry in a matter of seconds.

"yes, it will only be a few minutes, I promise"

"ugh…okay. But only watch him right?"

"yes, weirdo" he says in a mocking tone.

"hey, don't laugh at me, babies really freak me out, I can't help it" he chuckles softly and kisses my cheek before disappearing into the kitchen. I swallow the lump in my throat and take a seat in the nearby couch. I observe the baby put one block unsuccessfully over another, until all of a sudden his eyes return to me, making my nervous grow in my stomach. His little mouth extends in a cute smile that to my surprise soothes me a little. Then, all of a sudden, his blocks seem to bore him and he begins to crawl towards me. I nervously move my eyes in every direction, looking for something to keep him distracted. When I look back to the baby he is already sitting before me, his tiny hands gripping my leg as his mouth licks me. _EW, what the hell? _

"no no no no Dylan honey, that's my leg" I say as I quickly but carefully remove his face from my leg. A trail of saliva joins his mouth with my skin for a moment, which makes my stomach revolve in repulsion. I soon grab a toy that's over the couch and hand it to him. "there, that you can drool over all you want"

"NO!" he says in a loud clear tone that startles me.

"no?"

"NO!" he repeats frowning and throws the toy away. _Oh god, Ross you better come soon! _

(…)

"ROSS! Come, quickly!"

"what! what! what?" he exclaims entering the living room in a run.

"Some gross stuff has…exploded right out from his nose" I exclaim with disgust spread over my face "Is that normal?" he gives me a 'are you serious?' look before bursting out laughing.

"it's just mucus Rach, have you ever been around babies before?" he ask as he kneels down and wipes the baby's nose.

"no since my sisters were ones…and that's probably why I dislike babies"

"well, the milk is ready, your task is over"

"thank god" I say in a sigh of relief and plop back on the couch.

"hey Dylan, are you hungry?" Ross says shaking the feeding bottle and the baby immediately squeals in joyful giggles. I observe how Ross holds the baby, sit on the couch next to me and feeds the baby effortlessly, as if he had been doing so all his life. I soon find myself spellbound by the sight of him feeding the baby; the adorable smile he's wearing on his face; the funny noises he makes to keep the baby awake while he's eating, how natural it all seems with him.

"you love babies, don't you?" He parts his eyes from the baby and look at me with the most adorable smile I have ever seen.

"I adore them" he says, returning his eyes to the baby in his arms. I unconsciously giggle when the baby takes the bottle from Ross' hands and holds it himself. Then I see how Ross' free hand strokes the baby's small feet, still wearing that endearing smile in his lips.

"you're gonna make a wonderful dad one day Ross" I break the peaceful silence with words that come right out from the bottom of my heart. He locks gazes with me and smiles.

"and you're gonna be a terrific mom one day too" his words make a bunch of butterflies flutter freely in my stomach. _Me a mom? The only thought of it makes me laugh._ "I'm sure you will, even though you think they freak you out now; you'll make a beautiful, loving mommy one day" he says in the sweetest tone, and a newly sensation I cannot find words to describe raises within my body.

His eyes return to the baby and I feel the need to move near him. I observe the sweet baby's face, how his eyelids quiver a little as he keeps sucking on the feeding bottle; how his short legs kick the air spontaneously. I surprise myself when my hand naturally rests on the baby's leg and begin to stroke it smoothly. _The softest skin I've ever felt._ The baby opens his eyes and gazes right at me; I look at him as well, and to my surprise I don't freak out. Instead, a smile of adoration appears in my face.

When I lift my eyes I find Ross looking at me with a grin. I return the smile and suddenly an image occupies my mind for a fleeting moment; an image of Ross and I in a similar situation, in a future…with our own baby. It seemed so real I could actually feel our baby's weight in my arms while Ross' arms were wrapped protectively around us. It felt right; it felt amazing.

(…..)

"Dylan is finally asleep" Ross announces as he returns to the couch and passes an arm over my shoulders. "I'm all yours now" he grins.

"mm I love the sound of that" I reach for his lips and kiss him hungrily. I feel him push me backwards to lie me down at the same time he places himself over me. "Why don't we go upstairs?" I suggest against his mouth, knowing perfectly where this will lead to.

"we can't leave him alone, he may wake up"

"yeah…but he is in his playpen, he can't escape from there, can he?"

"I guess no, but…you can't leave a baby alone Rach; and don't insist 'cause you'll end up convincing me" he begs as he kisses me softly. I resign myself and catch his bottom lip and nibble at it playfully while his hands begin to make their way under my top. Suddenly, the sound of a door closing startles us and our body freezes as we look at each other in panic. _NOT AGAIN FOR GOD'S SAKE! _My inner voice yells in frustration.

"Anybody's home?" Monica's voice sounds from the hallway. As fast as we can, we sit up and straighten our clothes before she enters.

"hi Monica" we both quickly say at the same time. _So nonchalant._

"oh hi Rach, what…what are you doing here?" she asks peering at us.

"oh, I…your stupid brother called me, he needed help with little Dylan" I say in a chuckle. _Okay, this couldn't have sounded any less believable_.

"you, helping take care of babies?" she says, an eyebrow lifted and eying my with suspicion. _Of course she suspects, she is my best friend, she knows I don't quite like children. _

"yeah, I called Rachel because Dylan was making a fuss and…I didn't know where you were so-" he intervenes, trying support my lie.

"quit it Ross" I say_. _"Mon, can we talk?" _it's time to tell her the truth._

"yeah alright, let's go upstairs"

"you sure" Ross says to me in a low voice. I wink my eye at him and stand up to follow Monica upstairs.

(····)

"so what's up with you and my brother?" she says, surprisingly calm.

"why do you ask that?"

"well...two heads popping above the couch at the same time it's kind of suspicious you know" I blush heavily. _so she did see us..."_are you guys dating?"

"mmm…maybe….yeah" I timidly say.

"Is it serious?"

"I guess it is…why are you not surprised?" I frown.

"because I kinda knew this would eventually happen" she says shrugging her shoulders.

".so, what do you think?" I try to hide a smile.

"I…think it's awesome!" she finally shows some enthusiasm "It was about time you saw the wonderful person Ross really is, but, how did this happen?"

"remember you and I supposedly spent the weekend together?" she nods "well, it was your brother I spent it with" I reveal, with surprising tranquillity.

"what! You spent the entire weekend with my brother?"

"hu-huh"

"in this house?"

"hu-huh"

"what did you do?"

"do you really wanna know?"

"maybe not" she says hesitantly "but again, h-how did this happen? You were at each other's throat when I left"

"okay, long story short: I came to your house looking for you because I was a bit blue after breaking up with Barry"_ lie I know, but I don't feel like telling the truth and have to relive everything again_. "and found out you were on a trip, so when I was about to leave your brother invited me inside, I told him what happened, he treated me shockingly well and then he told me that you had explain him what really happened…one thing led to another and…I ended up telling him about my feelings for him"

"those feelings you denied to me" she states.

"yeah…sorry about that, you know I'm too stubborn to admit the truth at times"

"it's okay, I'm happy for you two, now I understand why he's been all giddy lately"

"he has?"

"oh yeah, he's been in love with you forever, he must be in cloud nine right now"

"so am I" I say, beaming a smile.

"aww" Monica exclaims as she hugs me affectionately.

"okay, Now that you know I need you to help me with something"

"alright, what is it?"

·····························

**That's it for now. Thanks for reading and reviews are welcomed!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you guys for the reviews! You're lovely 3 hope you enjoy the next update. After this one there'll be another 2 or 3 chapters, which means this fic is coming to an end. ****It's about time, ain't it? :) hope you like it!**

…

**CHAPTER 13**

"Rachel dear, look who's come to have dinner with us" I hear my mom's thrilled voice the moment I cross the front door. I let out a sigh, knowing those words mean I will have to pretend to enjoy a dinner with some fake friends of my parents and bear their incessant, intrusive questions until they decide to go. When I step inside the dining room I stop in my tracks. _Of course my father would invite them! Why am I surprised?_

"hello Mr Farber…hi Barry" I politely say as I force a natural smile.

"Good evening Rachel, how are you?" Barney says.

"great, quite busy to be honest, I'm afraid I won't be able to join you for dinner tonight" not true, but I need an excuse to free myself from this dinner.

"don't be impolite Rachel! Sit down, I'm sure whatever you have to do can wait for later" my father says with a withering look that makes me take seat right away. _Ugh, this is going to be a long boring dinner. _

"Dad, I accidentally broke my credit card, can you get me a new one?" my sister Jill breaks the silence that had set up over the table.

"sure honey, but be more careful next time" ha, had it been me who had broken the credit card and I would have been given an earful right away. How I hate being the oldest daughter!

Their conversation moves to banks and money and boring stuff I decide to ignore. I lower my gaze and keep it fixed on my plate with the intention to remain unnoticed. However, it doesn't take long for questions to come my way.

"so Rachel, do you have any plans for the future? Career-wise I mean" Mr Farber asks. I build a smile and try to think of a clever answer that won't lead to more questioning.

"I haven't decided yet…I'd love to do something related to fashion"

"like being a designer?"

"mm well no, I'm not good at drawing but something similar if possible"

"Would you be interested in studying abroad?" I hesitate for a second, not having expected such question at all.

"Abroad? I don't know, I've never considered such option"

"I asked because a friend of mine runs this very prestige college in Paris, you know, the capital of fashion…I could recommend you if you'd like to try starting your degree there"

"oh my god, that would be incredible, wouldn't it honey?" my mom exclaims excited before I have the chance to answer.

"Barney that's so nice of you" my father adds.

"thank you Mr Farber, but that won't be necessary, I'd rather stay here in the US" I say with a polite smile. My father immediately turns to me with his usual threatening face that makes my flesh creep.

"Rachel, I think you haven't realized what a huge opportunity Mr Farber is offering you" he says, hardly moving his lips.

"I have realized, but I'm not interested" I try to say as calmly as possible.

"Rachel honey, think about it, you'd be in Paris! Paris!" my mom exclaims with glittering eyes.

"mom, can we visit her during fashion week? Please please please!" my sister Amy says. I roll my eyes annoyed by the fact that everybody has assumed I'm eventually going to say yes.

"Amy quit it, I'm not going to Paris"

"give me reasons for not going" my father says. Could someone please do me a favour and freeze them for a second? I need to scream!

"well, first of all my French is non-existent, and second of all, I don't know anybody there, I want to stay here with my friends and…family"

"Actually it's an American college, you will not need to know French whatsoever" Barry's father intervenes, adding a new brick to my rising wall of annoyance. Are they gonna give up insisting? I'm not going anywhere, period.

"still…I'd prefer to go on with my studies here" I say with a smile that's getting too hard to uphold.

"oh, I see…Is it because of a boyfriend perhaps?" Mr Farber asks with a wicked smile. and there it is, the question I was dreading. All eyes fall on me and wait quietly for my answer.

"…no, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment" I smile back. I briefly glance at Barry, who is giving me an odd look, and pray for him to keep quiet.

"yes you do, I bet it's that Eric guy! He calls her every evening" my sister Jill informs everybody. I shoot her a hostile glare which doesn't seem to bother her a bit.

"There is no boyfriend, I simply don't want to go to Paris and that's the end of it" I say, my tone rising by the second. "by the way dad, you've got another two daughters, why don't you send them to Paris instead? I'm sure they'll like the idea more than me"

"yess! Daddy I want to go to Paris" Amy adds quickly.

"they're still too young, and you're the one graduating next year, you should start thinking about your future, your career. Studying in Paris will open many doors for you and-"

"dad STOP! I'm NOT going to Paris okay? and I will NOT let you take that decision for me again" my loud voice makes everybody freeze and fall into silence. A silence that makes me realize I've crossed the line and the consequences will not take long to emerge.

"so Barry dear" my mom decides to cut the insufferable tension "how about you? Do you have any girlfriends? Being the handsome man you are you must have girls running after you all the time" I roll my eyes at my mom's comment. Barry chuckles amused.

"no I don't, I've had some relationships here and there, but I still haven't found the right one" guess what's coming next? "oh you and rachel should get together! You'd be a beautiful couple"

"have you heard that Rachel? He is single" my mom says winking her eye at me. ugh. "I-I'm sure I'm not Barry's type" Barry looks at me and gives me an eloquent smile.

"not at all, in fact, I like them uglier" Everybody burst out laughing at his comment.

(….)

"why did you ask me to go with you?" Barry asks as we enter my bedroom.

"because that's the only way they would let me leave the table beforetime" I sit in my bed, wondering what to do with him there. "oh, by the way, thank you for not snitching on me earlier"

"no problem" he says as he takes seat on my desk chair. "I don't want you to see me as an enemy…I want to be your friend, be there when you need it"

"good, it's nice to know you're not an ally of my father who is just spying on me" I smile, little by little getting more comfortable with his presence.

"your father is really intimidating, Is he always this hard on you?"

"yes" I sigh in resignation "every single day of my life, you have no idea how much I want to be 18 and leave my house, be as far away from his pointy finger and his threatening looks as possible"

"Then go to Paris, You can't be further away from him than that" he says in a chuckle.

"if I didn't have someone to keep me here I would, trust me" and I'm not exaggerating.

"that Ross guy?" he asks. I give him a small smile as I nod my head, not needing further words. "You must really love him to decline such a great opportunity"

"I do, he is…my addiction" I say in a weak chuckle.

"I see…but let me tell you something, don't give up on your dreams for a person, how do you know for sure he's the one, that he won't leave you for someone else one day?" I stop breathing while I consider his question, a question that does nothing but provoke a sickening sensation in my stomach.

"I appreciate your advice Barry, but…Ross is not like the rest, he would never hurt me"

"how can you know that? You haven't been dating for long"

"I don't know…it's a feeling, and let's leave it there, it makes me sick just thinking about it"

"o-kay" he says before shrinking in my desk chair in silence. I scan my room, looking for a board game or something to make time pass faster but truly, what I want is to just kick him out of my room and be at peace, comfortable at my own little place. "You have perfect teeth" he mentions out of the blue, staring at my mouth like a creep.

"uh?"

"I mean, I'm an orthodontist to be, I know about this and yours are…quite the perfection"

"well…thank you" I shrug my shoulders and smile gawkily. This is awkward. Rach think something quick! I say to myself, feeling how his eyes are moving all over my body. "oh by the way, What on earth were you doing at that theatre the other day? And with Mindy of all people!" I say pointing my finger at him pretending resentment.

"I swear I didn't know you were there, it was pure coincidence" he says throwing his hand in the air.

"Awful coincidence I'd say"

"you don't like Mindy? She is a nice girl" he says, sort of taken aback.

"like her? I detest her, and if you do want to get along with me you'd better dump her soon"

"man, you do dislike her" he says in a chuckle.

"I'm only kidding…you can go out with her, just be careful…she is a big scrounger, would do anything to catch a rich guy."

"duly noted"

(….)

"Mon, it's me" I speak quietly through the receiver, trying to hold a sob.

"Rach, Are you crying?" I hear Monica's concerned voice speak back.

"no" I lie, but my rough voice gives me away.

"yes you are, do you want me to come over?"

"no! I'm okay…it's just my father"

"what happened again?" she asks helplessly.

"we had a really bad argument and he grounded me"

"oh.."

"I'm not supposed to leave my house in like forever"

"was it that serious?"

"no…but you know him, he overreacts over every little thing I do"

"what are you gonna do about tomorrow then?" I take a long breath and close my eyes.

"go on with it. I don't care if it will get me into more trouble, I'll manage to sneak away somehow"

"are you sure?"

"dead sure, it's my last day with him before he leaves, I won't let my dad ruin it again for me"

"Alright"

"do you know your task?"

"by heart"

"good, then I'll see you tomorrow"

"do you want to talk to your love? Maybe he'll cheer you up"

"no, I don't want him to know I've been crying. Do not tell him about this please"

"I won't, sleep well; an awesome day is waiting for you tomorrow"

"thank you sweetie, bye"

••••••••••••••••••••••

"emm Rach…I know you told me not to make questions but…why are we at the port?" Ross asks as we walk through the port hand in hand.

"'cause we're going to sail" I grin. He makes a sudden stop and gives me an estranged look.

"s-sail? with whom?" without giving an answer I let go of his hand and make my way to my boat, under Ross' bewildered eyes. "wh-what are you doing in that-"

"shut up and get on here" I order standing on the stern of my boat. He frowns in confusion but follows my instructions without protest.

"Whose boat is this?"

"it's mine" I reply indifferently as I untie the knots that keep the boat moored.

"what! th-this h-huge boat is yours?" he exclaims without blinking.

"yeah…my father gave it to me when my pet died some years ago"

"…your father is irrational" he says still in shock.

"I know…but I'm not going to complain for one good thing I get from him…let's go to the cabin"

"Where is the captain?" He asks as we get inside.

"what captain?" I repeat in a chuckle.

"the one who's going to sail this boat"

"no one will"

"oh…so we're going to stay here?" he says with a frown that shows confusion.

"nu-uh, I'm going to sail it myself'

"y-you w-what? okay…your plan for our last day together was to give me a heart attack, wasn't it?"

"you don't think I can sail this thing?" I say placing my hands on my hips.

"no" he answers right away.

"aw thanks for your confidence honey" I say with sarcasm. "FYI I know how to sail, and I'm pretty good at it, you'll see" I say, grabbing the rudder with decision. We sail off as the sun begins to sink behind us, changing the light blue shades of the sky to an orange-dark blue color.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? This thing is making weird noises" he says, nervously looking all around himself. I giggle to myself.

"Ross, calm down, I've got everything under control! I've practically grown up on a boat, I know about this"

"alright, alright…I trust you…" he says; words that seem to be addressed to himself rather than me. "Where are we heading to?" he asks more calmly as he makes his way towards me, not without grabbing onto everything he can reach.

"nowhere, just far enough from the coast so that no one can disturb or ruin our last day together" I say, gazing at the huge sea opening before us.

"and this is all you could think of to avoid that" he says, nodding his head disbelievingly.

"what's the problem? Are you scared of the sea?"

"no, I'm only scared of seventeen years old girls sailing a boat"

"coward" I hiss as I stop the boat and press the bottom that drops the anchor. I turn around with a triumphant smile and my arms folded across my chest. "see? nothing happened…and we aren't even that far away" I say pointing at the coast, which has now become a blur dark line in the distance. When I turn to him I find him looking at me in an odd way.

"what?"

"what's that?" he asks as he stands up and walks towards me with his eyes fixed on my face.

"what's what, what" I exclaim worried. I feel his hands rest on both sides of my face.

"Your cheekbone is swelled and sort of purple" he says, a jolt of panic immediately runs through my body.

"i-it must be an effect of the sunset light" I quickly say as I get rid of his hands.

"no it's not, did someone hit you Rach?" he asks, looking straight into my eyes with serious concern. I sigh.

"I-I had an argument with my father…and he slapped me. it's not a big deal so let's leave it there" I play it down a little, nonetheless I can see his concern expression change to a furious one.

"he slapped you!" he exclaims furious "what's wrong with that man? Why did he do that?"

"I-I told you, we had another argument and…he slapped me, but it's a normal reaction form a father, it's their way to make clear who the boss is in the house" I say shrugging my shoulders.

"it's not normal Rachel, he has no right to hit you, and what the hell was that argument about?" he asks. However, the last thing I want is to talk about it again, so I ignore his question and exit the cabin fanning myself with my hands.

"It's kind of hot, isn't it? I think I'm gonna bathe" I say as I pull my sundress off my body and stand on the border of the boat briefly before diving into the sea. I open my eyes underwater; darkness surrounds me, except for the few sunbeams that still break into the water at this time of the day. I enjoy the weightlessness of swimming underwater until my lungs begin to call for air. I gasp when I reach the surface and immediately hear his voice calling my name. When I turn around I find myself at a considerable distance from the boat.

"c-come up here right now" he demands, noticeable worried.

"come on, jump in! the water is amazing" I shout as I swim closer.

"have you gone crazy? do you know the kind of creature there must be under your feet, get up here!"

"no, YOU come down here" I challenge him with a naughty smile that contrasts his fearful expression.

"I'm not diving there, no way" he says folding his arms across his chest.

"come on chicken! Jump in"

"no" he firmly says.

"okay, whatever you say…then…I think I may head back to the coast swimming" I tease him.

"yeah right…you wouldn't do that" he says in doubt.

"good luck figuring out how to make the boat work!" I shout as I begin to swim away, only to tease him a little more.

"Rach wait! Okay okay…I'll dive in, but come closer" I smile to myself and observe how he gets rid of his t-shirt and looks at the water with dread before jumping in. he quickly emerges from the water and swims in my direction.

"Hi" I murmur through a smile as I encircle his shoulders with my arms and plant a peck on his lips. "it wasn't that bad, was it?" I smile while he gives half-lidded look and places his hands on my sides as we both beat our legs to stay afloat.

"why did you avoid my question?" he asks as he tenderly kisses my cheek.

"…because I don't feel like talking about it"

"were you arguing about me?"

"no, it was nothing in particular actually…it's just that…he thinks he owns my life, and I'm getting tired of being his puppet. It's the same shit over and over again" I say helplessly. I lift my eyes and smile weakly.

"does he know you're here?"

"no at all, in fact, I'm supposed to be locked in my room for the rest of my years" I say in weak chuckle. "I don't care if he finds out though, I needed to see you one way or another" I sincerely say; a broad smile appears on his face.

"I love you" he says out of the blue, sending a chill of joy that runs all through my body. I press my lips forcefully against his.

"so nobody knows we're here?" he asks when we part.

"only your sister, she helped me arrange everything, she also cooked us a deliiicious dinner"

"mmh, so no one will come out of nowhere and bother us? Nice"

"well maybe a shark, but don't worry, they're quite friendly in this side of the Atlantic" I say with pretended seriousness. His immediate expression of terror makes me burst out laughing. "I'm kidding silly!" I say between giggles as I splash some water on him. My laughter suddenly stops when I'm pushed underwater with force. As revenge, I pull his trunks down and that develops into a water fight that ends when he manages to immobilize me. I'm trapped within his arms; his chest up against my back, and his mouth nibbling at my shoulder, a sweet torture I don't want to escape from.

We return to the boat when the orange shade in the sky has completely disappeared and Ross started to make a fuss about how dangerous swimming at night can be. Later on, we enjoy Monica's delicious dishes as our surrounds become darker and darker until only the moonlight and the little spots of lights from the coast can be seen. We talk, we laugh, we kiss, we cuddle, we make love, we laugh some more…but as time goes by sadness begins to reign in my body, knowing that by next morning he'll be away.

"all cleaned" he informs as he walks towards me and hugs me from behind.

"thank you Monica" I say with irony.

"hey, I'm only helping"

"I know, but you could have left it for other day, it's our last day together" I say, with less sadness than I feel.

"stop saying that please" he begs as he embraces me closer. I rest my head on his shoulders and enjoy the small kisses he repeatedly leaves in my hair. "Rach" he murmurs in my ear.

"yeah?"

"what if…you came to Manhattan with me?" I slowly open my eyes and turn around in his arms.

"you mean tomorrow?"

"tomorrow and…the rest of the days, we could rent an apartment and live tog-"

"Ross honey" I interrupt "live together? We're not even old enough to drink." I chuckle.

"I know, but I want you to come with me" he says as he tightens the embrace around me.

"so do I honey, and I plan on visiting you until you get annoyed but, to live together? We don't have any money to begin with, and…you know, my father would hunt me down and kill me if he found out I run away with a boyfriend he supposedly doesn't know" I try to explain, although inside I wish I could just leave everything and start anew somewhere else.

"that's the reason why I don't want you to stay here, I'm sorry to say this but that man is insane" he says concerned.

"Everything will be fine, don't worry…let's just wait a year, I'll be graduated by that time and probably moving to Manhattan as well" I say with a grin, as I sensually brush my lips against his. "but you'll have to wait for me…you're not gonna fall for some other girl and leave me, are you?" I say pouting as I give him a sad look.

"Impossible, I already have the best one" he murmurs with the most beautiful smile. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, feeling my heart beating fast inside my chest while I kiss him with all this passion he makes me feel.

(…)

"let's lie down here" I say as I extend the rug in the bow of the boat. We sit next to each other, and gaze ahead at the dark ocean.

"you know, I'm glad you took me here, it feels like…we're the only people in the world"

"and I'm glad you've come over your phobia" I teasing say with a smile. He smiles back as he extends an arm over my shoulders and pulls me closer. Cuddled, we gaze up at the millions of stars spread over our eyes; the moon is round and bright, so much that we didn't need to leave any light of the boat on. Many thoughts load my mind in this quietness that only the sound emitted by the waves break.

"Ross" I decide to break the silence.

"yeah?" he murmurs as he leaves a small kiss in my temple.

"what would you do if I told I was pregnant?" I casually ask. The lack of words makes me turn to look at him. His eyes seem frozen and his face is paler than the boat itself. His shocked expression immediately makes me realized what kind of thoughts must have crossed his mind. "no no no don't freak out! I'm not pregnant; it was just a hypothetical thinking! I promise!" I quickly clarify.

"y-you sure?" he stutters in a funny way.

"as sure as a woman can be" I assure with a smile "plus we didn't have sex this past week, doesn't that give you a hint?"

"oh…thank god, you gave me one big scare" he says placing his hand over his chest and sighing in relief.

"so you wouldn't take it well I assume" I chuckle.

"well I would freak out of course, we're too young for that…and there're so many things I want to do before experiencing fatherhood…but…If that was what fate had in store for us I would…be happy that it's with you and no one else" he says without breaking eye contact. I feel joy rising within my body.

"aw, you won so many points with that mister" I smile and lean forward to kiss his pouty lips.

"why do you ask that now anyway?" he asks curious.

"I don't know…it's just that…babies have always get on my nerves, freaked me out big time but- when I saw you with Dylan it was so…different, I actually enjoyed being around a baby, and it was the first time I pictured myself having one…and it was with you" I murmur timidly. I don't know why it makes me feel shy saying that, but it does.

"Does that mean you'd like to have kids in a future?" he asks lifting an eyebrow.

"I don't know…maybe" I say with a shrug of shoulders. A genuine smile appears on his face which I reciprocate. He leans over me and kisses me again, slowly and tenderly at first, until the atmosphere around us begins to heat up and the kiss turns into a wilder one. I feel one of his hands teasingly stroking my inner thighs, up and down, but avoiding going further than that. I lift my pelvis to let him know I want more, but as soon as I do so, he moves it away.

"damn it Geller, stop teasing me and go straight to the point!" I say frustrated, making him laugh out loud.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he says nonchalantly.

"lier" I mutter as I grab his face and bring him down to catch his lips. He deepens the kiss without warning, leaving me breathless and panting in less than a second. he rests his hand on my lower belly as his fingers begin to play with the edge of my bikini bottom. My body writhes in anticipation. "Please" I unconsciously mumble against his lips and he smiles mischievously before his hand finally slides under my bikini. My body immediately responds with a jerk when he begins to caress me with his talented fingers. I close my eyes and pull my head backwards as I feel my body react to his amazing touch and the perfect movements of his hand on me. An unexpected moan exits my mouth when he introduces one of his fingers inside, and then another. I open my eyes and find him watching me with a grin as he begins to thrust his hand against me with force. I lift my head and bite his bottom lip before he decides to invade my mouth as well. my hips involuntary being to meet his amazing touch and I gasp, moan in pleasure as my body begs for more. In a swift movement I turn us around, passion running through my veins.

"make love to me Geller" I whisper as I straddle him and pull my sundress off before his hungry look.

(…)

"Rach, are you awake?" I hear Ross whisper as he pushes my hair away from my face. Knowing what's coming, I hesitate whether to pretend to be asleep or not.

"mh-um" I mumble, my throat tight as I try to fight back tears.

"we should head back soon, the sun is rising" he says with helplessness.

"okay…" my voice sounds husky. I clear my throat as I sit up and rub my eyes to erase every possible hint of weeping. I encircle my knees with my arms and gaze at the clearing horizon, trying to control this growing angst.

"are you alright?" he asks, placing a hand on my back. A loud sob escapes my mouth and not able to hide it anymore I turn around a hug him with all my strength and release the painful tears that had been haunting me all night.

"I'm gonna miss you so much Ross" I finally admit in between sobs.

"god, please Rach don't cry, don't make this harder" he begs, his voice cracking a little. I feel his hands stroking my back reassuringly while he whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

"I-I can't help it" I stutter as I sink my face in the crock of his neck. His touch calms me down a little, but the pain of knowing I won't see him in the following weeks doesn't go away. "I love you" I say, lifting my head to kiss his luscious lips. He repeats my words with his sweetest voice, and holds me closer.

"nothing will change…right?"

"…I hope not" he whispers, but that's not the answer I was waiting for.

····················

**Reviews are strongly appreciated**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you all for the sweet words! ****Your reviews are good help and source of inspiration to keep on writing. **

_**Cybermals:**_** thank you! I would love to write more but as for today I doubt so, I'll be very busy till November the sooner. I could start a new one but I wouldn't like to update it every few months so I want to wait till I'm completely free to start a new one. I will read and review your fics as soon as I'm done with my fic, promised! Thanks again for reviewing.**

_**MorganlovesFriends:**_** haha thanks ;)**

_**MonicaLouiseManson: **_**thank you sweetie! I'm glad you like my fic. Thanks for your words supports. It doesn't really bother me if someone criticises my way of writing, I know I'm not a professional. What matters to me is the fact that people follow and like my stories. **

_**Debbiefriendsfan: **_**I don't know if it's going where you think it's going…where do you think it is going? LOL I'd love to know :P thanks for reviewing!**

_**Abbie:**___**no it wasn't the end! Here is the next chapter and I think there will be another two after this one. Thanks for R&R.**

_**2good2betrue: **_**thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you still like my story. As I told Cybermals I'd love to write more but my spare time will be inexistent from next month on, I'll try my best though. you have no idea how happy it makes me the fact that you guys want me to write more stories, thank you!**

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**CHAPTER 14**

Fifth day into the new course and I'm already yearning for a vacation. I walk through the hallways of my High School feeling stranger than ever; _I don't belong here anymore_, I keep telling myself. As usual, every person I come across smiles at me or tries to initiate a conversation, only due to the fact that I'm the popular cheerleader everyone would love to hang out with. _Thank god it's Senior year and everything will be over soon! _I look everywhere, hoping to find Monica and have a chat before parting for our first class. My feet suddenly block the moment I spot Mindy in the distance and I almost trip over when I try to sneak away unnoticed.

"Rachel wait!" she calls my name right when I've turned over my heels. "can I speak to you for a moment?" Mindy says with piercing seriousness as she reaches me.

"no" I respond nonchalantly as I continue my way towards my class.

"we're gonna talk even if you don't want to" she hisses through her teeth as she grips my arm and forces me to stop.

"what do you want Mindy?" I snap, not bothering to hide my deep aversion towards her. "What could you possibly want now?"

"I want to know what the hell was it that you told Barry!"

"I haven't talked to Barry in weeks, was that all? Okay, bye" I say as I reinitiate my way, however she places herself in the middle and stops me once again.

"liar! You told him something about me, otherwise why would he refuse to go out with me, huh?" she says in her loud annoying voice.

"…maybe he thought you were too fake for him?" I respond with a casual shrug.

"you bitch!" she shouts and adds several other nasty adjectives I decide not to listen to.

"are you done?" I say ignoring her words. I turn around and retake my way again, but to my misfortune she doesn't give up.

"If I ever find out you had something to do with this I'll-"

"you will what? kill me? please" I say rolling my eyes.

"no, but I'll come up with something, don't worry about that" she threatens, but all it makes me feel is pity for her.

"grow up Mindy, don't blame on others what's actually your fault, and good bye" I put an end to our conversation and finally walk away from her while she keeps yelling senseless things to me.

(…)

"I miss your brother" I helplessly say to Monica as I sit weightlessly on my bed.

"I miss my boyfriend" she says in equal tone of misery.

"at least you were able to enjoy the entire summer with him, I only had 2 weeks" I complain, sounding like a little girl who has been taken away her favourite toy.

"two weeks during which you lived in my brother's bedroom" she points out arching her eyebrows as she sits in front of me.

"Is that a complaint? Because you know you'd do the same with Chandler if you had the chance"

"not at all, I just…find it amusing how you've gone from total enemies who can't stand seeing one another to inseparable lovebirds who don't even break apart to go to the bathroom"

"we do not go to the bathroom together!"

"oh you know what I mean!"

"okay…so we live in each other's pockets, What's the big deal?" _isn't it what normal couples do anyway?_

"none, as I said it just amuses me"

"by the way, thanks for coming over, you cannot imagine how bored I was, I even organized my shoes by colors and shapes" I say pulling a face.

"that sounds like fun!"

"of course you'd say that, it's something you would do for fun" I say rolling my eyes and she sticks her tongue out at me.

"let's play some game board or whatever" she suggests.

"no, let's talk"

"about what?"

"about the guys, Shall we go see them this weekend?" I ask hopeful, which apparently makes Monica giggle.

"I want to too, but it's kinda soon…they left a week ago Rach"

"it's that so? It feels like months" I whinge. "what, why are you smiling?" I say when I meet her giddy face again.

"nothing it's just- I've never seen you this…hooked on somebody, it's unbelievable" she says shaking her head, and for some reason, my cheeks get a reddish shade almost immediately.

"it's love I guess" I say in a shrug, a shy grin covering my face.

"it is, my friend." she says grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. Silence surround us for a moment while Monica eyes me hesitantly, as if wanting to ask something but not having the guts to do so.

"now let's play something, I'm bored" I break the silence, seeing she is not willing to share whatever that is crossing her mind.

"yes! let's play truth or dare!" she suggests with surprising enthusiasm.

"okay…"

"you go first, Truth or dare?"

"mmh…truth" I say.

"have you and Ross…you know, done that yet?"

"that's a question" I say in a chuckle.

"I know, but I've wanted to ask you and had no idea how…" her shyness makes me smile.

"Do you really wanna know? I mean, it's your brother…"

"I could pretend I don't know who your boyfriend is for a while"

"alright…yes, we have" I say with a grin. "well, we actually did that before everything else" I add with a nonchalant chuckle. Her eyes widen in shock.

"oh my god, really? I thought my-, y-your boyfriend would be more 'shy' in that area" she says without blinking.

"trust me, he is nothing near that word, I was beyond surprised, he was so confident and oh my god does he know how to turn me on, he is so-"

"okay okay okay! that's enough info" she quickly stops me. I immediately giggle at her disgusted expression.

"I was going to say that you have a very talented brother" I add with a grin.

"good, I'm happy for you and I hope everything works out for you two…because if you ever break my brother's heart I-" she says rising a finger.

"Monica stop right there" I order offended. "Why would you even think that I would do such a thing to your brother?"

"I-I don't know…I'm just…dreading this could be a fling for you, my brother is really in love with you Rach" Monica says, and even though I know she doesn't mean any harm I can't help but feel a bit offended.

"so am I!" I exclaim "I've never felt this before, Mon. It is true I've had several flings with other guys before but that's because I never loved them! but now with Ross I've discovered what 'loving someone' really is, and I love him more than you can imagine, so if our relationship ever gets jeopardized it won't be because of me, that I'm sure of" I say dead serious almost angry at her for questioning my love towards her brother.

"okay okay…you convinced me." she says with a smile "I'm sorry" I return the smile and motion my hand resting importance to the issue.

"now you go, truth or dare?" I ask.

"dare"

"I dare you to come with me to Manhattan right now" I say without even thinking.

"deal, let's go" Monica says giving a energetic clap as jumping from the chair.

"really?" I ask taken aback, not having expected such immediate response.

"yeah! You're not the only one eager to see her boyfriend" I smile widely as I also stand up form my bed.

"awesome! let's go!"

(…)

Monica and I arrive at NYU past 10pm. We stroll around the place for a moment before heading towards the room Chandler and Ross share. Being Friday night, the common areas of the dorms are lively and packed with people. We observe them fascinated; they act and look so different from the people in our high school.

We run into Chandler in one of the hallways and after witnessing a nothing prudish smooch I decide to leave the darlings alone. My heart begins to beat fast when I spot Ross right outside his room, looking all handsome and college-guy. Several whistles come my way, but I completely ignore them while I walk toward Ross wearing a smile of happiness. When I'm close enough to him I realise he is animatedly talking to a girl. _Who the hell is she?_

"Rachel!" he exclaims in surprise when he finally sees me. I grin as I accelerate my pace towards him and eagerly wrap my arms around his neck. He hugs me tightly in return.

"well, I see you're busy now, we'll talk later" I hear the girl say.

"sure, bye!" Ross says before turning to me and looking at me with his gorgeous brown eyes as if he was gazing at a vision. "What are you doing here?" he says without blinking.

"I came to visit my boyfriend, who I've missed terribly much" I say in a girly voice as I lean on my toes with the intention to give a peck to his lips. However, he traps my lips and kisses me with a fervour I wasn't prepared for and my knees go weak right away.

"I missed you so much" he murmurs when we part. "I can't believe you're here, I thought you were grounded"

"and I still am, but I make my own decisions, remember?" I wink my eye.

"and I love you for that" he says gleeful before kissing the tip of my nose.

"who was that, by the way?" I ask pointing my finger towards the direction the mystery girl took.

"oh, that's Julie" _Julie? Why does that name sound familiar? And why was she pretty? This place was supposed to be full of unattractive lesbian girls! _

"What were you guys talking about?" I ask casually as though I wasn't particularly interested, but truthfully I'm having the hardest time trying to tame this jealousness that has surged in me.

"nothing, just some extra-scholar activities, boring stuff…let's get into my room" he says breaking the embrace to grab my hand and guide me inside his room.

"I see you've brought ALL your dinos with you" I point out as he closes the door and hugs me from me behind.

"Well, I couldn't bring YOU with me so…" he cutely whispers in my ear. I smile and turn around to kiss him rather heatedly.

"so you came all the way to Manhattan alone?" he asks after a make out session that has brought us to his bed.

"no, Monica came with me" I respond as I snuggle into his arms.

"what? Monica is here? Where is she?"

"I left her with Chandler"

"did she agree to stay with Chandler or you paid her?" he asks in a chuckle and I smirk at how unaware of everything he is. I hesitate for a moment; _he deserves to know already, doesn't he?_

"tell you a secret?" I say, turning to look at him.

"yeah"

"Chandler and Monica are dating" I murmur with a grin. His face goes instantly pale, which makes me regret my confession. _Monica is going to kill me._

"WHAT! Chandler is sleeping with my little sister!" he burst out red of rage as he sits up.

"I didn't say that! and chill babe, they're dating"

"isn't it the same?"

"well…not necessarily"

"please…"

"alright, what if they're sleeping together! They're in love"

"ha, I have my doubts"

"why? you haven't even seen them together. They're adorable"

"sin-since when has this been going on?"

"for…over half a year now, isn't it amazing?"

"meh…I can't believe Chandler is doing it with my little sister" he repeats.

"well…you're sleeping with your sister's best friend, where is the difference?" I laugh.

"she is...my little sister" he shrugs. I roll my eyes.

"Monica is not 'little' anymore honey, you should be happy for her"

"I am, but I'll have a bone to pick with him later" he says serious.

"no! you better keep the secret! I promised them I wouldn't say anything"

"alright…but man, I can't believe this"

"ugh, let's drop this, I want to know how your first week went" I ask as I run a hand through his short locks. His previous expression of anger soon softens until a smile reappears.

"Incredibly well! it's so nice to meet people who share your same interests and don't judge you for them. I'm cool here Rach" he says proudly and I laugh amused.

"glad to know more people agree with me" I say, adding a sexy wink. "what about girls? Did you make any of them fall in love with you yet?" I ask playfully, but I'm ready to stab him if he says yes.

"let me think…yeah, there's been a few who have hit on me" he says nodding. I slap his chest with more strength that I intended to and he burst out laughing. "You know you're the only one I have eyes for silly" he says as he squeezes my ass and kisses my lips.

"not even for that beautiful Julie?" I ask rising an eyebrow in a query way.

"Julie who?" he says frowning, faking confusion. I give a small chuckle "now seriously, girls treat me nice here…but there's no one that can be compared to you" he says looking straight into my eyes and my smile grows even more.

"could you be any cuter?" I say, rubbing my nose with his before sinking in a tender kiss. "thank you" I whisper as we break apart.

"what about you? did you break a lot of hearts this week?"

"no"

"liar" he says tickling my side. I let out a loud giggle before blocking his hands.

"well, the usual ones you know, people in high school doesn't change but anyway, why don't we leave this for later and enjoy ourselves before these two return?" I suggest and he gladly welcomes my suggestion.

"good idea" he says pulling me down for a kiss. Soon enough, our clothes are scattered all over the room and our bodies ready and eager to join.

"what?" he asks, wondering why I'm giggling to myself.

"…we're about to make love on a bed, that's so unlike us" I say in a chuckle.

"there is always a first time for everything" he whispers with a mischievous smile before stealing a kiss from my lips.

**························**

"hey Rach" I hear Mindy's voice. _Not you again!_ I say to myself.

"hi Mindy" I say inanimately as I observe her take the seat in front of me. _Why? why? why! why?_

"where is your inseparable Monica?"  
>"she is sick"<p>

"oh, poor girl" _Could you possibly sound faker?_

"why are you here?" I ask with a straight face. _And when the hell are you gonna leave me alone once and for all?_

"I just wanted to talk to you, how is Ross doing, by the way?"

"he is fine"

"I bet he is, it has come to my ears that he has been having a lot of fun lately" she says with a bitchy grin.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that he has been spending A LOT of time with a girl from his class" her bitchy grin still there. "but you know, it's only normal…He is hot and popular now that he is among his kind, the paradise of geeks! Girls must be drooling all over his feet, don't you think?"

"Mindy…when are you going to stop making up crap?"

"I didn't make it up, I know someone at NYU who knows Ross" I roll my eyes, getting more and more irritated by her.

"well, tell your source to mind their own business" _I don't care if I sound arrogant, she needs to shut up!_

"alright, don't believe me…but I have proofs, he has been sleeping around with his geeky girl friends while you're here being all saint and unlike Rachel" I contain my air, trying to conceal my increasing desire to punch her.

"yeah right, whatever you say Mindy, I gotta go, bye bye" I say as I pick up my things and leave the canteen in a rush, wanting to escape from her and her contaminating words.

(…)

"here you have today's notes" I say as I sit on Monica's desk chair. "How are feeling today?"

"much better, thanks" she says sitting up on her bed "what's up?" Monica asks with a frown.

"nothing"

"nothing? You look as if there were no more Gucci in this world"

"not even a closet full of new clothes would cheer me up right now"

"okay, seriously what's wrong?" I let out a puff of air before answering.

"it's Ross...it's our two months anniversary and he hasn't even called yet…do you think he has forgotten?"

"I'm sure he hasn't, and now that you mention it I talked to him this morning and told me to tell you that there's something waiting for you in his room"

"why did he call you and not me!" I complain.

"don't you wanna find out what he left for you?"

"oh yeah!" I exclaim, not having entirely heard her words before. I send her a smile before I leave her bedroom and walk to the next door where Ross' bedroom is. I open the door and a wave of sadness hits me right away. Everything looks so cold, different from when he was there. The bedcover has changed and there are barely any dinosaurs left on his shelves. _Of course, he brought them all with him. _A rectangular pink box resting on his desk catches my attention. I get closer and smile when I read my name written on top of it. Hardly taking any seconds to wonder what's inside the box I open it and my jaw drops instantly; A pair of gorgeous red high-heeled Gucci shoes are inside. It takes me a while to register the fact that those are real Gucci shoes but when it hits me a cheerful scream exits my mouth.

"Oh my gosh" I sigh as I hold them in my hands and inspect every corner of that fashion masterpiece.

"I hope this can make up for my absence. Miss you, Love you, R" I read on a little note that was under them.

"no it doesn't! I want YOU here Silly!" I say aloud rather frustrated. As amazingly beautiful those shoes are, I'd rather be with him this very moment.

"so you don't like the shoes?" I'm startled by his voice sounding behind me. It takes me some time to turn around, thinking that the sound of his voice had been a product of my imagination. But I turn around, and my heart skips a thousand beats when I see him standing by the door, all smiley and handsome, and holding a bunch of lilies.

"Ross!" I practically scream as I run and jump onto his arms, with so much strength that he ends up loosing his balance, the bunch of lilies flies off his hands and we both fall to the floor, Ross banging the side of his head against the wall on the way.

"ouch!" he whines as he brings one of his hands to his head.

"oh my god oh my god I'm so sorry honey!" I say, quickly sitting up on his stomach and hastily rubbing the damaged side of head with my hand.

"it's okay" he says, squeezing his eyes several times to make the pain go away "just remind me to bring a helmet next time" I chuckle at his silliness.

"no, next time tell me you're coming!" I say slapping his chest. "I was already getting mad at you"

"how come?" he frowns.

"I thought you had forgotten our anniversary…" I say pouting.

"I don't forget ANYTHING that is related to you honey" he says sweetly. I smile and see him squeeze his eyes again.

"does it hurt?" I ask worried.

"a lil bit" I bite my bottom lip feeling regretful. "maybe a healing kiss will make it better" he adds with a cute smile.

"coming right away" I sensually say as I bend over and kiss the side of his head a few times. "done"

"I meant on the lips though" I roll my eyes amused.

"of course you did" I say as I bend over again and taste his lips. Having been apart for so many weeks keeps me glued to his lips to taste them long enough, therefore our kiss continues for a while.

"mmmh I've missed these kisses" he says in a soft moan.

"well, Let me go tell Mon I'm not returning to her bedroom and I'll give you some more" I say with a naughty smile.

"won't be necessary, she knows I'm here" he says as we stand up from the floor.

"she does? and she didn't warn me, I'm gonna kill her!"

"if she had told you it wouldn't have been a surprise, come here" he says, lifting me in the air and taking me to his bed while I giggle. _Why? happiness perhaps. _He sits me on his bed and moves towards his desk to pick up the Gucci shoes. As if we were characters in a tale, he kneels down before me while I grin from ear to ear. "let's see if they fit you" he says as he takes off my boats and carefully places them on my feet. "perfect" he murmurs. I look down at my feet not entirely satisfied.

"not so much with these jeans though, I'll be right back" I say as I quickly exit his bedroom and make my way into Monica's. "Monica quickly, where do you have your strapless black dress?"

"it's in the closet, why?" she asks frowning. But I ignore her question and immediately run towards her closet to pick out her dress. "oh my god, Where did you get those shoes!" she exclaims.

"I'll tell you all about it later" I respond as I get rid of my clothes in a split second and put the dress on while Monica keeps questioning stuff I barely hear. I smile. _Now this is the right outfit to go with my beautiful Gucci shoes. _"thank you honey, bye" I quickly say as I return to Ross'. The moment I enter I see his jaw drop to the floor and his eyes widen as two big golf balls. I smile proudly as I sensually walk towards him, feeling like a runaway model. "what do you think?" I whisper as I wrap my arms around his neck and teasingly brush his lips with mine.

"Perfection, that's all I can say" he says as he takes a step backwards and observes me in detail, which makes me blush heavily, although I have to admit I like it. "you look beyond beautiful" he murmurs as he places his hands on my waist and slides them down, drawing with them the curve of my hips and then pulling me closer.

"thank you" I murmur back before kissing his lips briefly. "I love the shoes by the way…you have good taste" I say with a smirk.

"I know" he says proudly. I chuckle.

"but you shouldn't have bought them, it must have cost you a fortune"

"It's okay, I work at the campus now, I can afford it for my princess" he sweetly says and to thank him I kiss him hard, passionately.

"you look so hot in that dress…but…would you let me take it off?" he asks in a irresistible, sexy voice while his fingers draw little circles in the small of my back. _As if I could say no to such question._

"I'm all yours, do whatever you please" I say with a grin as I extend my arms sideward. He eyes me with amusement and desire all at the same time as he gets closer, wearing a naughty grin. _This is going to be a great anniversary after all._

**············**

"Are you alright?" I ask softly, puzzled by his quietness. Two months have passed since the last time I visited him and I've hardly seen him since. Despite talking daily on the phone I cannot help but feel downhearted. I need him here; I need to feel his arms around me again, to kiss his addictive lips, to hear his voice next to me and not through the damn phone. However, due to his busy college life and my selfish and over-controlling dad our encounters has reduced to one or two in a month and…although I haven't been able to admit it to myself, the lack of time to see one another has drift us apart a bit.

"I am" he answers. I let out a sigh; a weird sensation setting inside me. "then why don't you want me to visit you?" I ask with sadness. "I haven't seen you in nearly a month" I complain.

"I do want to see you honey, Don't get me wrong, it's just that…I've tons of essays piled up on my desk and the tests right around the corner plus some other activities…I don't want you to come here and feel abandoned" he says with honesty, and I know he is right, but I NEED to see him or I'll go crazy!

"what other activities?" I ask out of curiosity.

"…college activities, just random stuff" he explains, but I notice a hint of nervousness in his voice that makes me frown. "I'll be home in three weeks time, and we will spend Christmas together, whether your father allows it or not, okay?"

"alright…"

"I cannot wait to see you again Rach, I love you" I feel a small smile form in my lips for the first time in weeks.

"I love you too, come home soon please" I beg against the receiver as if it was his own mouth before mine.

"I'll be there before you realise, good night sweetie"

"bye" I say in a sigh. I put down the phone confused and sad. To be honest, I thought he'd ask me to go right away. I lie back on the couch and close my eyes, fighting back the tears that want to break through my eyelashes. To worsen my state; Mindy's word over the past few weeks come rushing to my head, words that I had thought as senseless up to this moment but now…now what if she is right? What if he is with someone else and that's the reason for his weird behaviour?...no! Ross would never do that, he is not like the rest…_right?_

I let out a scream of pure frustration as I bring my hands to my head, which is invaded with a throbbing headache that doesn't let me think clearly. Tired of all this, I stand up from the couch and run towards my bedroom. I don't care if I have to spend the weekend in his room watching him work, _I'm going to Manhattan. _I'm determined.

Whether good or bad, I'm going to find out what's going on _TODAY._

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**I had to end it there, don't kill me! haha hope you enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to reading your opinions****, and what do you think it's going to happen next? :P thank you!**


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

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"Ruth, tell me you're finished packing, plane leaves in an hour!" I beg as I check my watch every few seconds. I apply my red lipstick as fast and carefully as these too incompatible adverbs allow me. Happy with the result, I put it inside my toilet kit and enter back into my bedroom.

"yes ma'am, it's all done" the mid-aged maid says with a polite smile.

"oh great! thank you Ruth, and please stop calling me ma'am, it makes me feel old" I say wrinkling my nose in dissatisfaction.

"yes ma-, yes miss Rachel"

"better" I smile "did you call the cab?"

"yes, it is waiting downstairs"

"perfect, thank you, I'd better go now, I'll be back in a week"

"Have a nice journey Mrs Farber"

"thank you" I say before crossing the main door.

Two hours it takes to return to this city which for seven years has been completely inexistent in my life. I intentionally ignored it; it brought back too many memories that whether good or bad always dragged me to tears, and so I left. I left my life behind and now, as I exit the cab and place my shoes on the ground, I feel as if I just found a long lost treasure.

I pay the cabdriver and as he drives away I lift my head and gaze at the huge building before me, where Barry and I recently bought an apartment. For the past four years we have been living in Chicago, where he set his business and became filthy rich. What did I do all the while? Nothing but spend my husband's money, not that I'm complaining but I needed more than that, I wanted to be self-sufficient in a way and having a degree in fashion it was about time to put my knowledge in practice, and that is what brought me here, to my dreaded NYC.

"I need to go shopping" I say aloud as I observe the almost empty rooms. I love the white color of the walls, the huge windows with a beautiful view over Fifth Avenue and Central Park. I sit on a couch and sigh, feeling free in this lonely apartment; for some reason, the last few months I have been feeling this urge to escape, to flee from my miserable life as the wife of Doctor Barry Farber, even if it's only for a week.

11.30am. Should I unpack, go home or have a stroll…? Maybe I should pay my parents a visit and cross that out of my "have to" list so that I can enjoy the rest of my week in peace…_yeah, I'll better do that. _I pick up the first outfit I find in my suitcase and leave the apartment praying for my parents to be in an acceptable mood.

(…)

"oh my god honey you're here!" My mom exclaims giving me a hug before I can put a foot inside "my" house. "I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow" she says surprised.

"I know, but the conferences start early tomorrow so I thought it'd be better if I dropped by today" I say with a smile.

"that's excellent honey, we've missed you"

"I missed you too, how's everybody?" I ask as I follow her inside. Nostalgia hits me right away, this house wasn't the best of places at times but all I can recall now are good moments with my dad and mom, my sisters, my…friends. When we enter the living room I realise I haven't paid attention to my mother's answer.

"anyway, we were about to eat, do you want to join us?" she adds.

"sure, I haven't had anything since the plane, where is dad by the way?"

"he's having a shower, I'll go rush him"

"oh no, that's okay mom, I'll go to my room in the meantime, I haven't seen it in seven years"

"oh alright, I'll call you when lunch is ready"

I open the door sceptical and unsure of what I'd find in my former room. Knowing my parents they probably turned it into a mini-cinema, a gym or who knows what the moment I left seven years ago. But to my surprise everything is untouched, unlike the rest of the house which have gone through some changes here and there along the years.

I close the door behind me, feeling as if I was entering a room from the past and I suddenly was seventeen again.

I sit on my bed and observe with amused eyes every corner of my room; walls are covered with U2 posters; fashion magazines and pictures of my family and friends load the shelves. Among those photos one catches my attention; I stand up to look at it closer. Sadness fills my body as that picture of me and Monica makes me hate myself for having lost touch with her. _I wonder where she is this very moment…_

I leave the pictures before it brings me to tears and open my old closet; I laugh at some of the clothes I used to wear and that I should have burnt long ago, _The Eighties…_

Then I move to the chest of drawers, expecting to find more old-fashioned Tops, but what I find instead makes my heart stop dead. I grab the T-shirt with trembling hands and tears burning my eyes. _Why is this here? I thought I had thrown away everything connected to him._

I return to my bed and observe the T-shirt with nostalgia. The letters are a bit faded but the fabric is still soft as the first day I had it on. A small smile draws across my lips as I recall all the beautiful moments I lived wearing (and not) that T-shirt. But then sadness comes over me. After seven years, why does it still hurt?You would think time would heal those open wounds but all of sudden it seems as though my heart have just been broken and scattered into petite pieces.

"honey, lunch is ready" yells my mom from downstairs.

"I'll be right there" I yell back. Wiping my tears as I quickly bury the T-shirt in the depth of the drawer and head back downstairs, shutting the door to the past, my past again.

"where are my sister?" I ask as I sit at the table accompanied by both my parents.

"I told you before, Amy is on vacation in The Hampton with her boyfriend"

"and Jill? I talked to her some weeks ago and she told me she was redecorating dad's office" I say in a chuckle.

"she was, but she is back in Massachusetts, to finish her degree in interior design"

"really? Wow…I'm surprised she even finished High School"

"I know, but threats works with her" my mom says with a smirk.

"so dear, how come your husband has not come with you?" my dad intervenes.

"he is busy dad"

"he must be, I've heard he is becoming highly popular in Chicago" he says proudly. A pride I should feel, but I couldn't care less about Barry's job. "I'm so proud of you, you married the right man" I wish I could be half as proud as him but to be honest, marrying Barry was the only escape I found to my misery, and also the worst mistake I've ever made.

"When are we getting to see your new apartment in Manhattan?" asks my mom.

"it's not fully furnished yet so…maybe in a few months"

"I hope there is a spare room in that apartment for a possible offspring" my dad says with that special tone of him I've always hated. I discretely roll my eyes.

"Dad, I've already told you I do not want children, stop insisting"

"How can you say such a thing? A marriage needs children"

"says who?"

"I do"

"well, I'm sorry dad but I do not live under your roof anymore to let you decide my life, I do not want kids, I hate them actually and it would be unfair for them to have a mother like me, period." _My twenty years old sister is on vacation with her boyfriend and I'm criticized for not wanting kids. What's wrong with them?_

"Does your husband agree with this?" my mom asks, with a petrified expression.

"we haven't talked about it yet…but I'm sure he doesn't want kids either, he's too into his job for that"

"I can't believe I'm not going to have grandchildren" my dad says in shock.

"dad, should I remain you that you have two other daughters?"

"but they won't marry anybody nearly as important and smart as Barry Farber, you must give him children" I roll my eyes and decline to respond to such insane argument. Then the conversation returns to how I'm not being a proper wife and all that crap so as usual I stop listening and eat my meal as fast as possible. _It was a mistake coming here, it always is._

(…)

"I think I'm gonna leave, I wanna go window shopping before it gets dark" I say when this torturing lunch is finally over.

"okay sweetie, just come visit before you leave for Chicago again alright?" my mom says.

"I'll try, love you" I say goodbye to them with a hug and take a cab back to Manhattan deeply relief.

It's two in the afternoon when I return to my apartment. Too soon to go to sleep or have dinner so I decide to do some window shopping before dinner time. After two hours well spend at Pottery Barns, where I bought new furniture to fill the empty rooms, I step into the first coffee shop I come across, yearning for a hot cup of coffee to warm up.

"Hi" I say to the weird-looking waiter with short, bright yellow hair.

"H-h-hi" he stutters. I frown amused. "M-may I help you?"

"yes, I'd like a cup of hot coffee, thank you" I say with a polite smile.

"to have here or to go?" I hesitate for a moment. It'd be kind of pathetic and sad if I have this cup of coffee all alone, but who cares, nobody knows me here.

"to have here"

"Coming right away" he says. I turn around and scan the room looking for a free seat. However, the couches are taken, so are the tables by the window so I end up taking seat on one of the stool by the counter.

"here you have" he says adding a smile.

"thank you" I take the cup in my hands and blow it a few times before bringing it to my thirsty mouth. Before I can have a first sip I hear my name being said from a certain distance. My body freezes. _W-w-was that…was that his voice_? I panic. _Calm down Rachel! It can't be him, what are the odds of running into an ex in one of the biggest cities in the world? Your head is fooling you and it's all that stupid T-shirt's fault! Plus it must have been some man calling some other Rachel, so breath. _I tell myself.

"Rachel?" the voice calls my name again, this time sounding right behind me "Is It you?" I breathe calmly since this time the voice didn't sound that familiar. _But who the hell knows me here_?

The moment I turn around to meet the stranger a strong heartbeat leaves me breathless. My whole body freezes when I meet those unmistakable eyes; it doesn't matter how many years have past, I would have recognized them among a million others. I swallow the lump blocking my throat and resort to my acting skills to seem surprised but fine with his presence.

"oh my god Ross! Hi!" I exclaim standing up from my stool and sending him a smile. But inside I'm actually agonizing. _Why? why him of all people had to be here today? Why did Fate put him in my path again? I don't deserve this torture! _I stood there awkwardly, hesitating whether to hug him, shake hands or punch him. We settle for an uncomfortable hand shake.

"wow, I can't believe it's you" he says looking at me from head to toes, making me feel self-conscious. I observe him craftily. He is taller now and looks manlier with that three days beard but despite that he is the same Ross I last saw seven years ago. "it's been years since…" he trails off for a moment "how have you been?" He softly asks, adding a smile, and my legs begin to quiver. _Why do I have to be so vulnerable when it comes to him? I'm not a teenager anymore!_

"I-I've been great! Fantastic, couldn't have been better" I say in what seems a long word rather than a sentence. _Damn nerves!_ "you?" I ask placing my cup on the counter before my weak hands drop it and make a scene in this crowded coffee shop. Quietly, I wish he would just drop to his knees and confess how miserable he's been without me, but his striking calmness and nonchalance make it seem as if he hadn't dedicated me a thought in these past years.

"I'm good too, hanging out with some friends" he says motioning his hand towards the couches. I follow the direction of his hand and find a blonde woman and a guy in a leather jacket looking at us attentively.

"Hi" I politely say to the strangers.

"Hi" they answer at unison while the guy winks his at me rather deliberately. _What the hell?_

"Do you live here? Because I haven't seen you around" he comments. I return my gaze to him, and each time I meet his eyes a rush hits my stomach and makes me lose my breath.

"oh no, I'm here for business reasons, I actually live in Chicago, with my husband" I emphasize the last word, expecting a shocked expression but all he does is smile at me, looking all handsome and attractive. _Did he know I'd be here and dressed up for the occasion or what?_

"you're married" he says with a tone that makes me doubt whether he is asking or just affirming.

"yes, happily married in fact" _why do you lie? _I observe his face, but he doesn't even flicker at my revelations.

"well, congratulations, a happy marriage is something rare nowadays"

"yeah, how about you? Are you with someone?" I ask forced by my pride but I'm dreading his answer more than anything else.

"married too" he says smiling from ear to ear as he lifts his hand and shows me the shining ring.

"that's nice" I say, but all I want to do is cry, and the thing is I've no idea why I feel this way. It's been seven freaking years, I should be over him.

"yeah, I'm very lucky, oh and I also have a son" he says with glittering eyes. I suddenly feel stabbed right in the middle of my chest. _He is a father…he has a son, and it's not mine. _I repeat in my head, my heart slowly sinking.

"that's awesome" I say, my throat aching. My vision blurs as tears begin to form in my eyes, so before they start to flow free like heavy rivers and give myself away, I quickly excuse myself. "so Ross, It's been nice meeting you again, but I'm afraid I gotta go, I'm in a rush" I say with a fake smile. Forgetting my untouched coffee I quickly head towards the door.

"no Rachel please!" he says as he runs after me "don't go" he begs as he grabs my wrist and stops me. I take a deep breath to control my tears and turn around.

"why?" I say in a sigh as I look up at him, All of a sudden neither of us is pretending. His smile has faded and his eyes aren't happy anymore, they're pleading. "Can I take you out for dinner one of these days?" he asks hopeful. "we…we need to talk about what happened" he adds noticing my confusion. I bit my bottom lip; _talk about what happened? Why? Why would he want to open the wound and dig his fingers into it after so long? _"please" he whispers, his eyes shining with what seem like forming tears. I gulp the lump in my throat and look down at his hand still closed around my wrist. _Maybe talking about it is the closer I've been looking for…_

"alright…" I quietly say.

…

**Reviews pleasee**


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

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_I open the door to his dorm. Not there either. Where the hell is he? He was supposed to be stuck on his chair working on his 'pile of essays'. I say with bitterness as I walk through the halls of his college looking for him. I spot one of his friends among a group and decide to ask him._

"_hey John, do you know where Ross is?" _

"_hi Rachel! How are you?" he says in a friendly way._

"_I'm alright, have you seen him?"_

"_mmm I think I saw him going in the gym's direction, but I could be wrong"_

"_I'll go check, thank you John" _

"_no problem" I walk towards the gym hopeful to find him there. I smile to myself somewhat relieved thinking he may be working out. What else could he be doing at a gym?_

_But how wrong I was._

_::::::::::::::::::::::::::_

I open my eyes and right away several tears drop from my eyes, feeling the pain of that day in my skin as though everything had happened seconds ago. I sweep my tears away and exhale all the air in my lungs.

"Why? Why did you have to agree to this Rachel!" I damn myself as I pace around the room guided by my own nerves. "He is married, you're married there's nothing to talk about, the past should stay in the past!" I glance at my watch; still two more hours to go. _I'll be seeing him again in two freaking hours! Oh my god oh my god oh my god! _

I pick up one outfit from my suitcase, put it on, look at my reflection in the mirror and immediately toss it away unsatisfied. The same happens with every single outfit until all my clothes are scattered upon the bedroom and my suitcase completely empty.

"What the hell am I gonna wear now!" I say aloud looking at the mess I've caused. "I could go shopping…" this is New York's Fifth Avenue after all, there must be something out there for me to wear to this date, I mean, dinner…_oh gosh. _My wonderings are interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

"hello?"

"Hi darling" Barry's voice sounds on the other side. _Shit! I forgot to call him._

"hey…I'm so sorry I didn't call when I got here yesterday, it's been two very busy days over here" _you know, the love of my life appeared out of nowhere and I learnt he is married and has a son._ _How great is that?_

"I assumed you were busy with the conferences, how did they go?" _well, I didn't attend…I stayed here racking my brains about tonight instead._

"t-they were okay, h-how are you doing over there?"

"fine, but I miss you" I stay quiet, wishing I could say the same to him, but to be honest I haven't noticed his absence for one second. "Do you like the new apartment? Is it good enough for you?" he asks noticing my quietness.

"it's lovely, I bought some new furniture to dress the rooms, I hope you like it"

"I'm sure I will, I may come down to New York this weekend actually" _WHAT? no no noooo! This is my alone week._

"that'd be great" I say through my clenched teeth. I glance at my watch alarmed. One hour and a half left. _I need to get dressed! "_darling I gotta go, I'm having dinner with…my parents tonight and I'm running late, I'll call you tomorrow alright?"

"okay, send them regards from me"

"sure I will, bye!" I hang up the phone before hearing his answer and picking up my purse I leave the building.

Three stores and many dresses later I return to my apartment with the perfect one: a scarlet spaghetti strap mini-dress, which perfectly adjuncts to my figure in a sexy way but without making me look tacky. I put on my black high-heeled strapped shoes, apply some make-up to erase the signs of the previous sleepless night and leave my long blonde hair loose.

I get on the cab feeling collected but when I arrive at The Plaza Hotel I turn into a real bundle of nerves. But despite my fears I make my way inside the luxury hotel, because even though I don't want to admit it, some part of me is excited about this dinner.

"Welcome to The Plaza restaurant, May I help you Miss?" the kind receptionist asks the moment I enter the restaurant.

"yes, I'm looking for Ross Geller, I guess he booked under that name.."

"let me check for a second…mmh yes, follow me please" as soon as those words leave his mouth I panic. My hands start sweating and my legs seem to have forgotten how to walk on high heels. My nervousness increases as we reach a secluded area of the restaurant. My heart beats faster with each second, getting to a point where all I can hear is my blood throbbing in my ears. And there he is, sitting alone at the last table near the corner, dressed in a black suit matching the elegance of the place. As if he had felt my gaze upon him his eyes raise and meet mine, and those butterflies I thought to be dead long ago return to my stomach with fresh new energy. I watch him stand up from his seat and send me the most beautiful smile that for some reason manages to dissolve all my nerves. _He always had that power. _

"Hi" I say with shyness, standing there like a statue. _This is so awkward already…_

"Hi" he says back, still wearing that charming smile.

"so here are your menus, a waiter will attend you in a few moments, have a good evening" says the receptionist before leaving us alone.

"wow…you look…Beautiful" he says in amazement. I smile proud in my head, but I also blush as I hadn't in the past years. It's funny how I've been complimented by hundreds of men in my life yet neither of them has managed to make me blush the way he does, ever. I give him a small 'thank you' smile. However, I do not return the compliment, no matter how attractive and charming he looks in that black suit and white chemise. _Being nice won't change what he did._

We take seat and silence falls on the table. _This was a mistake…it's been years, what are we going to talk about? We're practically strangers…_ I repeat in my head while I keep my eyes fixed on the neatly set table, wanting to avoid looking at him as much as possible.

"so…how are you?" he asks clearing his voice.

"I'm good" _uncomfortable would have been a better answer but why would I let you know that? _"…you?" I ask trying to keep calm under his intense gaze. But before he can give an answer a smiley waitress arrives at our table.

"Good evening, May I take your order?"

"Actually…we haven't had a chance to look at the menus yet…" Ross says.

"I'll give you some more minutes then, would you like to drink anything in the meantime?"

"sure, bring a bottle of red wine"

"any special brand?"

"…one that tastes good?" he shrugs his shoulders innocently and I laugh in my head. _He is so not used to these fancy places, I wonder why he took me here._

"Alright" the waitress says in a chuckle.

"Water for me please" I say.

"Coming right away" she says, and we're left alone again.

"Water?" he asks with an amused expression.

"Red wine and I aren't the best of friends, you should know that"

"Oh yeah" he says laughing "I remember that Bday party when you-"

"Yes yes that day" I stop him "you don't have to remind me; my embarrassment is pretty alive still"

"O-kay" he says still laughing quietly to himself. Then, As if synchronized both of us take the menus and read it in silence. "what are you gonna order?" he asks.

"I don't know…I don't think I'll be able to get anything through my throat anyway" I say in a chuckle.

"Are you sick?" he asks concerned.

"No, just nervous" I admit. "…aren't you?"

"kinda" he says tilting his head "but I'm also happy to be here with you" he says looking into my eyes. I move my gaze away, feeling nervous, happy, inhibited…_What the hell should I say to that? That I'm happy too?_ Thankfully the waitress returns and saves me from this awkward moment.

"So here is your wine and your water; should I take your orders now?"

"Yes, mmh I'll have the…grilled Atlantic salmon" Ross says handing the menu to the waitress who has been eying him all this time making me feel invisible.

"Nice choice sir" she says with a grin. _Great, just what I needed, a hot waitress flirting with him._ I roll my eyes annoyed."And for the miss?" she asks turning to me.

"A Caesar salad, please"

"What else?"

"Nothing else, just the salad" I say with a fake smile.

"Oh, alright, I get it, fitting in that dress must require eating modest. I'll be back with your orders" and with that she walks away, leaving me beyond shocked.

"Did she just say what?" I say out loud in disbelief.

"Someone is jealous of you" Ross comments with a smirk.

"Jealous? It must be because I'm with you; she was SO flirting with you before"

"She is jealous because you look stunning" he states, making my butterflies flutter around in my stomach again. _Please stop, you can't just make me fall in love with you again, you're married! _I want to say, but I'm a coward.

"You're just exaggerating" I timidly say and quickly twist my neck to observe the place before he can add anything else and make me blush. I study our surrounds with pretended interest. A few tables near us are occupied with couples and groups of suited-up men who are engaged in a deep conversation, unlike us. I sigh and turn around.

"This place is- heyyy, what did I tell you before!" I exclaim when I catch him pouring wine in my glass.

"Oh c'mon, one glass won't hurt" Ross says with a grin as he places the half empty bottle on the table.

"You want me to get drunk and make a scene, don't you?" I say, eying him with suspicion.

"It could be fun" he says with a naughty smile, the same that used to drive me mad with desire in the past. I clear my voice to sweep away those thoughts from my head.

"So...tell me about your son" I change the topic before we start to evoke old anecdotes. His eyes lighten up immediately and a smile of pure thrill draws across his lips. Seeking for some help to deal with the upcoming painful conversation I take a good gulp of my wine.

"Well, his name is Ben…he is one and a half years old and…he is the best thing I've ever done in my life" he says proud. I force a smile even though all I feel is sadness.

"Your wife must be delighted, having the two of you in her life…" I say despite myself. I feel my chest ache due to the huge efforts I'm making not to shed a tear.

"Yeah…he makes us so happy…he is adorable, and I would love for you to meet him …one day" he adds with awareness.

"I-…I'd be glad to" I lie.

"What about you, do you have kids?" he asks casually.

"Me?" I let out a chuckle. "No thanks, children aren't for me, I'm very irresponsible to take care of a baby…I'd be a terrible mother, so no…no kids for me I hope" I say knocking on the wooden table.

"…I see you keep telling yourself the same lies after all these years" he says with an amused look.

"What?" I frown.

"You do want kids, don't lie…you're just scared to admit it"

"I really don't, and what, now you know me better than myself?" I say with sarcasm.

"Of course not but-okay I'm sorry…it's just that, It'd be a shame if you didn't get to be a mother…I know you'd be a terrific one" he says with honesty, which triggers a rush in my stomach. _He said those same words seven years ago._ _Why? why is he being nice? That's not what we are here for and…I don't want to fall in love with him again._

"Well thanks for that, I feel flattered that you think that about me…" I send him a smile. "But it will never happen, not to me" I state with certainty. "plus my husband and I are always travelling, enjoying life in our own way, a kid wouldn't fit in" I add, to hurt him maybe? But I can't tell him the truth, how miserable I feel and how much I hate my life. I can't admit that to him, not while he is all happy and living the life he always dreamt of. _I've got my pride…_

The waitress returns with our plates and repeating her earlier moves she flirts with Ross before my very eyes and leaves without giving me a glance. _Yes, I know I have no reason to feel jealous, that I'm not his wife. _But I can't help myself; I've never been able to control my feelings for Ross, like tonight, when instead of yelling at his face every unkind word he deserves here I am, quiet and unconsciously giving in to his charms.

"Ross, Can I ask you something?" I break the silence that has surrounded us while we ate.

"sure, what is it?" I put down my fork and take a deep sigh.

"…how is Monica?" I finally ask, after having had that question wandering in my head since the day before. He shows surprise, as if he had been expecting a different question.

"She is great…happy with her new job, she just started working as chef at Iridium, do you know that restaurant?"

"No…I haven't been to this city in a while. But I bet she loves being the chef, she truly was born for that job" he nods in agreement.

"Yes...and she was thrilled when I told her you were in town"

"oh so…you told her" I say timid "she is thrilled? I thought she'd be…mad at me" I frown. Knowing Monica's temperament I was sure she would never be 'thrilled' to see me after having had banished her from my life in the way I did.

"She was at first…but she seems fine now, in fact…she gave me this for you" he says pulling what looks like a card out of his jacket pocket. I take it in my hands with confusion but my eyes instantly widen when I realise what it is.

"Oh my god! Is Monica getting married?" I ask awestruck.

"Yup, in little over a month" he says with a smile that tells me he is beyond happy for his sister.

"Wow…and with Chandler!" I exclaim reading the card over and over again, still surprised "she must be over the moon"

"So over the moon that she is starting to be a pain in the ass" I chuckle, imagining the situation.

"And you never thought their love was real" I say arching an eyebrow.

"I guess I was wrong" he says adding a shrug. "She would be happy to see you there" I smile at his words. I would be happy to be there too, but wouldn't it be weird after all this time?

"I'll think about it" I say.

"I hope you come, she needs you there" he says serious.

"I'll try…"

"You know, if you want to see her before the wedding we gather every other day at that coffee place you saw me yesterday"

"I don't know…I have a busy schedule" _I should stop lying._

"Oh that's right…you were here for business?"

"Yes, I'm having a few conferences over the week"

"Where do you work?" he asks, grabbing his glass of wine and sipping from it without moving his eyes from me.

"Actually…I don't work; my husband thinks I'd be wasting my time since he earns enough money to maintain the two of us. But I'm attending these conferences to keep up with the fashion world…I return to Chicago next Sunday" I sum up seven years in three sentences. "What?" I ask when the weight of his intense gaze upon me begins to turn unbearable.

"you look beautiful" he says out of the blue, waking up all my senses again. I bit my button lip flustered. _I don't understand what's happening here…_

"Why did you take me here Ross? Why did you want to see me…" I helplessly ask, shaking my head from side to side.

"…because I miss you" he says in a whisper, looking at me with sadness. I lower my head, wondering if I should trust his words. "Why did you leave Rach?" he finally brings up the issue we were supposed to discus. "Why did you disappear overnight without notice?" the mood suddenly changes, turning the previous exchange of smiles and animated conversations to sad looks and painful memories.

"What?"

"You left me heart broken" he says with sadness. I hold my breath to avoid a scream.

"Ha…I left YOU heartbroken? Don't play the victim Ross; YOU were the one who screwed it all!" I snap offended.

"What are you talking about?" he asks confused. "And please lower your voice" he says noticing how the murmur of the nearby tables has stopped.

"You lied to me" I say my voice beginning to tremble as memories of that day flash my mind.

"I-I lied to you? A-about what?" he asks, his eyebrows wrinkled in a frown.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten" I say with sarcasm.

"I think I may…I'd appreciate it if you reminded me when exactly did I lie to you because right now I'm utterly lost in this conversation" I feel anger growing within myself. _How can he forget such thing?_

"you know what, this wasn't a good idea" I say fighting back tears. "it's useless to discus something that happened seven years ago let alone if you don't remember a thing of it, I-I gotta go" I say standing up from my seat and turning around to leave. However, he is quick enough to grab my hand and stop me. I sigh frustrated.

"Rachel please don't go…don't disappear again" he begs in a whisper. I turn around; tears escape my eyes when I meet his pleading look.

"Why do you want to discus this anyway?" I say shaking my head slightly.

"because I need to know what the hell was it that I did to jeopardize what we had" he says with tears in his eyes, and I feel stupid because seeing him like this makes me want to hug him and soothe him. I stand there, looking down at him with my own tears soaking my face.

"it doesn't matter anymore…we're adults now Ross, with very different lives" I admit much to my own pain. "Plus this is certainly not the place to discus that" I add.

"You're right" he says nodding as he brushes his tears away "this is not the right place…let's go somewhere else" he says throwing a random amount of dollars on the table and taking me out of there before I can protest.

(…)

"Are you staying at a hotel? Can we go there?" Ross asks as we stand outside the Plaza Hotel.

"I'm staying at my apartment and no, we cannot go there, you are the one who wants to go on with this so you figure out" I say crossing my arms over my chest.

"Why are you being so fucking edgy!" he snaps at me. "I'm trying to be nice here and you're acting like a total brat"

"Maybe I am one" I answer in his same tone of annoyance.

"Well maybe you should grow up"

"Go to hell!" I exclaim before walking towards one of the cabs parked in front of the hotels.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you, I've had enough of this" I hear him run and in a second he is before me, blocking my path.

"I'm sorry but you're not leaving until we talk this through"

"Then let's go somewhere else but quickly, I'm freezing my butt out here!" I complain.

"Do you want my jacket?" I frown. _Now he is offering me his jacket? What's with this bipolar behaviour?_

"no, thank you"

"O-kay…comes with me, I've got an idea" he says walking back inside the hotel. I stand on my stop filled with confusion and hesitation about whether I should follow him or run away now that he is out of sight. But my legs won't move when I try to escape and I have no other choice but to return inside.

"Follow me" he tells me as he walks towards the elevators holding something in his hand.

"Where are we going?"

"I just rented a room"

"What! No you didn't! Have you gone crazy?"

"Well, where else do you want to go? It's either this or a freezing cold bench in Central Park"

"I-I prefer the freezing cold bench!"  
>"Why?" he frowns.<p>

"b-because…I'm worried that your wife may find out and…get the wrong idea" I nervously say, but that's not my real concern, my concern is he and I being alone within four walls.

"She won't, plus we're only going to talk, now follow me" he repeats. Unable to find a proper excuse I follow him…already aware that one of us, if not both, will be hurt in that room.

Neither of us mutters another word as we enter the room, situated on the last floor of the hotel. The room is rather spacious and stylish with pricy little luxuries that must have put the price of the room high up in the clouds.

I observe him take seat on the neat bed and bury his face in his hands. I lean my body against the desk in front of him, keeping a reasonable distance between us, and wait for him to open his mouth first.

"okay" he says sitting up and locking gazes with me "I've been racking my brains as we came up here and- I truly can't remember anything wrong that I could have intentionally done to you" he says opening his hands as a sign of confusion.

"So you don't remember cheating on me" _there it is, I finally said it_. And it hurts just pronouncing those few words. I cross my arms in anger.

"What?" he says in a chuckle that enrages me even more.

"You cheated on me Ross! And you had the guts to hide it with a bunch of lies! You told me you were busy with essays and college stuff while in reality you were hooking up with that friend of yours!" I reproach with an attitude more proper of a teenage than a 24 years old.

"What the hell are you talking about!" he exclaims as he abruptly stands up and approaches me. "I never cheated on you! For god's sake I was madly in love with you! How can you even consider I may have done such a thing to you!"

"Gosh Ross we're grown ups now, don't try to deny the undeniable"

"But I'm being honest!" he says grabbing my shoulders with strength; I lose my breath as I become self-conscious of his closeness. "I NEVER cheated on you" he says dead serious and looking directly into my eyes. For a second I believe him, but then the image of him kissing that girl returns to my mind to remind me this is not something I just assumed. "And if you left because you thought I was that's even worse!" he adds letting go of my arms and pacing from side to side. I start to breathe again.

"Stop lying already Ross! I SAW you okay! I'm not making anything up, I saw you making out with that girl"

"What girl?" he says shaking his head in disbelief.

"I don't know…that brunette you always talked to, Julie something" he stops and half-closes his eyes as if trying to recall something. "I saw you making out with her at your college's gym, you two looked all loved-up" I add with bitterness. His confusion suddenly disappears and his face goes pale.

"Oh…" it's all he says as he slowly sits back on the bed and lets his head hang, which I take as a sign of guilt. I suppress a sob as I look at him, knowing that his quietness is the confirmation of his betrayal. "I wish you had talked to me that day…" he murmurs with a sad smile.

"It wouldn't have changed anything" I whisper, gently shaking my head.

"Yes it would, you should have gotten in there and kicked my hard in the crotch, I deserved it for lying to you-"

"So you admit it" I interrupt, wanting to burst out crying even though I've known all along.

"I admit lying to you, but I did NOT cheat on you. It was all an unfortunate misunderstanding" he says upset.

"Yeah right, so that kiss I saw was what? A friendly gesture? Better yet! She fainted and you had to perform a mouth to mouth to her!" I say with sarcasm.

"Will you let me explain?" he snaps suddenly standing up from his spot. I shut up astonished. "What you saw there…it was a kiss yes, but a fake kiss! It was part of a scene-"

"A scene?" I interrupt, unable to contain a chuckle. "That is the lamest excuse I've ever heard"

"Lame but true" he says with such seriousness that it makes my stomach revolve. _What if I've been wrong?_ "I joined the theatre group, that's why you saw me with Julie so often and why you saw us kissing" he continues.

"ha! of course, and the gym is the usual place to do the rehearsals, isn't it? Please" I say rolling my eyes.

"We were rehearsing at the gym because the theatre was closed that late at night and the opening night was close!" he says in his defence. "plus we weren't even alone! There were more people with us, didn't you see them?"

"No I didn't"

"Well you can believe it or not but I swear this is the truth, in fact, I could prove it to you"

"How? Do you happen to have a time machine?" I say with sarcasm.

"No, going to my parents' house, I'm pretty sure my mom has the play taped somewhere, we can go now if you wish" his insistence begins to make my version of it tumble.

"…That won't be necessary" I quietly say.

"Better, 'cause it'd be kind of embarrassing" he says in a chuckle. But I don't find it funny. "I'm telling the truth Rach…why would I lie after so long? It's not like we're together" _he has a point there._

"If this is true, why did you hide it from me?" I helplessly ask as I pull out the desk chair and sit down feeling my blood pressure decrease drastically.

"Because I was embarrassed, I thought you would laugh at my face if I told you I would be Romeo in a play…it even makes me feel embarrassed admitting it now!...I know I should have told you but…" he trails off.

"So you didn't cheat…" I say falling in a deeper state of shock. All of a sudden it feels as if my life had been built upon a lie, a lie my imagination and fear created, and now everything collapsed with the truth.

"No I didn't, how could you even consider that? Wasn't I a good boyfriend?" he asks with sorrow in his eyes. I bit my bottom lip, blinking back tears.

"You were, you really were. But…I don't know, I was very vulnerable back then and that bitch Mindy had been hunting me trying to put the idea that you were with someone else into my head since the beginning of the course, and I never believed her but…but then when you started to decline my visits and act all weird I began to have my doubts and then I saw you with that girl…" I trail off, suffocated by my own tears.

"shh don't cry" he sweetly whispers, kneeling down before me. "I understand that…but- Even if I had cheated on you that's not reason enough to leave everything behind like you did"

"don't you think I know that now? But I was hurt! Broken-hearted and scared to face you…see you with that girl and being all happy, I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with that so…running away seemed like the best option back then, it was a spur of the moment decision…Gosh! I can't believe I've been blaming this on you all the time and it was actually me who jeopardized it all with my own stupidity!" I exclaim hitting my forehead with my palms as more tears jump from my eyes to the carpeted floor.

"Hey hey hey" he says grabbing my hands to stop me. "Don't be so hard on yourself, that won't change the past…"

"But I'm SO stupid!" I exclaim, disgusted with myself.

"We both are! We both made mistakes but we cannot undo then now…so…why don't we calm down, call reception to bring us the half bottle of wine we didn't finish before and talk it through in the balcony?" he suggests. "we have a lot to catch up"

"Good idea, I could use some wine now" _I need to get drunk._

I pull off my shoes and sit on one of the chairs in the balcony, my body being totally oblivious to this cold spring night, since my head is occupied repeating the word stupid over and over again as a broken record.

"Here you have" Ross says as he enters the balcony and hands me a glass. I take it from his hands and drink the content in a swift motion. "O-kay, no more wine for you" he says stealing the bottle of wine from my hands and securely placing it on his other side.

"Why?" I protest. _I wanna get drunk, I want be able to laugh at my misery. _

"Because you're unpredictable when you're drunk…I-I dread you may want to jump from the balcony or similar" he says, visibly joking.

"I could do that without getting drunk. In fact you gave me a great idea" I say half-joking, half-serious.

"Don't be silly" he says rolling his eyes.

"What? Don't I deserve that? I'm the stupidest person on the face of the planet"

"No you don't so do not dare to attempt such insane act. I already lost you once, I couldn't deal with that again" he says with sincerity, making a small smile appear across my lips. I screwed our relationship, wrongly blamed it on him and he hasn't even attempted to make me feel bad about it. _He never ceases to amaze me._

"Why aren't you mad at me Ross?" I ask weakly. "After all it was me who put an end to us"

"Because…it's been years, it'd be a waste of time to stay mad at something we cannot fix"

"I guess you're right…" I murmur as I turn my gaze towards the bunch of trees extended ahead of us. Silence surrounds us, but this time the awkwardness has dissolved. Being here, I cannot help but imagine how different this moment would have been if my fear had not dragged us apart. We would perhaps have been in another hotel room in some exotic location, just married and enjoying our honeymoon. _If only time could be turned back…_

I gently pass my fingers under my eyes to dry the new falling tears; nonetheless this doesn't manage to erase my shame and feeling of guilt.

I look at him from the corner of my eyes; he's quietly sipping from his wine and seemingly lost in his thoughts, probably wondering the same as me…or simply thinking about his wife and son at home.

"Shouldn't you be at home?" I break the long silence. "I mean, your wife may get worried, it's one in the morning…"

"She won't" he replies almost right away, leaving me sort of confused. "Plus this room was so fucking expensive I have no plans to leave until they kick me out of it"

"Fair enough" I say in a soft chuckle. Another short silence follows, which I break with another question. "Ross, Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

"When you…discovered I had left…what crossed your mind? What did you think of me?"

"What crossed my mind?" he repeats, leaning back on the chair. "Nothing good I guess…I just don't like thinking about that period of time, I was beyond devastated…It was weird because all of a sudden you weren't picking up my calls, but I told myself you were probably studying or out shopping and didn't think of it as a big deal. But then when I got to Long Island and found out you had even dropped from school it was…devastating for me. I seriously felt dead…it was…a very hard time. Not knowing where you were or for what reasons you had left had me depressed for over a year" he admits, staring into the dark Central Park to avoid eye contact, but I can perceive his teary eyes, and I feel awful.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry Ross" I whisper fighting back tears and having a strong urge to hug him.

"It's okay…I guess it was as hard for you thinking I had cheated on you" he says rubbing his eyes and turning to me with a sad smile. "Where did you go? What happened to you all these years?" he asks.

"I went to Paris" I say in a sigh.

"How did you end up there?" he asks surprised.

"Fate, misfortune…I don't know" I say shrugging "but I regretted it every single day of my stay, and that went on for four years" I say with hidden sorrow.

"Wow…why didn't you return then if you were that miserable?"

"I don't know, I guess…I guess I was scared to go back and find out you were happily ever after with a new girlfriend…so I decided to stay instead. But what can I say, my life became a sequence of bad decisions after that night" I say with a shrug of pity.

"Is there where you met your husband?" he asks moving his eyes away and refilling his glass with some more wine.

"Yes, well no…I knew Barry from before"

"Wait, Barry? Barry the guy your father want-"

"Yup" I affirm before he ends the sentence. "He happened to be in Paris when I started college there…He sort of was the trunk that saved me from all that painful period"

"So you married Barry AND studied in Paris, wow" he says in shock.

"Exactly, Isn't it ironic how I ended up doing exactly what my father wanted for me?" I say in a chuckle which disguises my actual lament. _Fate is a bitch._

"That I was about to say!" he say joining my laughter. "Do you love him?" he asks all of a sudden, leaving me astonished.

"w-who?" my nerves make me ask although I perfectly know who he refers to.

"Your husband" _well, if you must know…no, I don't love him, not at all. He is simply a good friend I married just out of spite. _

"Yes! Of course I do" I exclaim, uncertain why he has asked that. He nods his head without adding further words. "What about you, where did you meet your wife?" I ask clearing my voice and not particularly interested in knowing about the woman who took my place in his heart.

"I…I met Carol on my second year of college, at the library…sad I know" he says laughing.

"How long have you two been married?"

"Four years"

"Wow, then you got married quite young" _that hurts._

"Yeah…we were married within a year of dating. We were two crazy kids" He says, with a tone I cannot figure out if it expresses regret or joy. I send him an unfelt smile, my throat too tight to keep on asking. I sit back on my chair and look up at the cloudless sky, I spot a few stars and as if on purpose a flashback hits my mind.

::::::::::::::::::::::

"_all cleaned" he informs as he walks towards me and hugs me from behind._

"_thank you Monica" I say with irony._

"_hey, I'm only helping"_

"_I know, but you could have left it for other day, it's our last day together" I say, with less sadness than I feel. _

"_stop saying that please" he begs as he embraces me closer. I rest my head on his shoulders and enjoy the small kisses he repeatedly leaves in my hair. "Rach" he murmurs in my ear. _

"_yeah?" _

"_what if…you came to Manhattan with me?" I slowly open my eyes and turn around in his arms._

"_you mean tomorrow?" _

"_tomorrow and…the rest of the days, we could rent an apartment and live tog-"_

"_Ross honey" I interrupt "live together? We're not even old enough to drink." I chuckle._

"_I know, but I want you to come with me" he says as he tightens the embrace around me. _

"_so do I honey, and I plan on visiting you until you get annoyed but, to live together? We don't have any money to begin with, and…you know, my father would hunt me down and kill me if he found out I run away with a boyfriend he supposedly doesn't know" I try to explain, although inside I wish I could just __**leave everything and start anew somewhere else.**_

"_that's the reason why I don't want you to stay here, I'm sorry to say this but that man is insane" he says concerned. _

"_Everything will be fine, don't worry…let's just wait a year, I'll be graduated by that time and probably moving to Manhattan as well" I say with a grin, as I sensually brush my lips against his. "but you'll have to wait for me…you're not gonna fall for some other girl and leave me, are you?" I say pouting as I give him a sad look._

"_Impossible, I already have the best one" he murmurs with the most beautiful smile._

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

_And I did__ leave everything, him included. _If only I could leave everything and start anew_ again, and with him. _I suppress tears that won't stop forming in my eyes every time I remember my terrible mistake. I should have gone to Manhattan when he proposed it, I 'should have' so many things…

"Ross" I say his name after ten minutes of silence. He looks at me and for a moment I hesitate whether to ask. "If none of this had happened…Do you think we would still be together?" I watch him think, while I bite the inner flesh of my bottom lip dreading his response.

"I don't know, to be honest I don't want to consider that…I'd be unfair for my son" he says lowering his gaze. _Of course, he is a father, why do I keep forgetting that? _"I cannot picture my life without him anymore" he adds, and my heart aches. I unconsciously nod my head as if understanding but truthfully…I don't. I guess he is happy with his current life while I'm not anywhere near that word.

"You know, they say everything happens for a reason…maybe he was the reason why our relationship didn't work out" I tell him; trying to convince myself as well.

"I want to believe so" he murmurs. We lock gazes and exchange small smiles of sadness for that nostalgic past. I look at him wishing I could tell him that I'm not over him; that I've never been and that I still love him, maybe even more than before. But I can't say that outside my head, I know that such confession would only humiliate me. "Rachel, you're shivering" his voice distracts me. The moment he says those words I become conscious of the cold temperature around me and my more than obvious shivers. "We should go back inside" he suggest. I clear my voice as I put my shoes back on.

"Actually…I should be going now, it's getting late" I say as I stand up and walk inside the warmth of the room. He quickly follows me and grabs my hand, a brief contact that sends a rush of electricity through my skin and freezes me on my spot.

"Why?" he asks with an irresistible puppy dog look in his eyes. "Is your husband waiting for you or something?"

"No…but, we already discussed what we were supposed to discus…there's no point for me to stay longer"

"I miss you" he says looking into my eyes, a new shiver shakes my body. "Isn't that enough?" he murmurs. I lower my gaze wanting to say and do so many things yet I can't even move. "Please, stay with me here tonight" he begs, gently squeezing my hand. I take a deep breath trying to make the best decision. But, _Stay for what? To remember old times and make me regret my awful mistake yet some more? _

"Ross, I can't, I've got a conference early in the morning and look what time it is already" I say walking toward the door but he quickly manages to block my way.

"Let me at least accompany you to your place, you shouldn't get on a cab alone this late at night" he says determined.

"Alright…" I give up. Fifteen more minutes of him won't kill me.

The short drive back to my apartment is made in complete silence, only a few glances are exchanged, but neither of us says a thing. We stand outside my building, looking into each other's eyes for the longest time, both of us having a hard time to say goodbye.

"I know you're busy and leaving soon but…can we meet again, some time this week?" he asks with a pleading look in his eyes. All I want to do is say yes, accept whatever he proposes to me.

"I'll try to find a gap" I say, but inside I know that meeting will never happen. He has a family, a family he adores, and the best thing I can do is to step away from his life. As much as it hurts to admit it…we weren't meant to be together, he wasn't meant for me.

"Promise" he asks, handing me a card with his name and phone number on it.

"I promise" I murmur; fingers crossed behind my back. He smiles. I smile. And before I know it, his arms are embracing my body, a warm hug that leaves me breathless. I move my arms to his shoulders and bring him closer, wanting to stop time and enjoy this share of closeness for an eternity; knowing that this moment may not happen ever again.

"I'm so sorry…for everything" I whisper as I rest my chin on his shoulder and fail at blinking back the river of tears that break through my eyes.

"I'm sorry too" he whispers back. I feel him press his lips against my temple for a blissful moment and then he moves again, leaving me cold, lifeless. I erase my tears before he can see them and look up at him.

"Good night Ross" I say through a pretended smile.

"Good night Rach, take care okay?" he sweetly says. I nod.

"Bye" I mumble, my voice hardly audible. He gives me a last smile before hopping inside the cab. I observe in tears how it drives off, taking him away from my side, from my life.

**·················**

**Will you hate me if I leave**** it there?...I just love drama….just kidding! lol actually I'm gonna let you decide here, if you want a happy ending tell me in a review ;) thanks for reading guys! **


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm sorry it took me so long to come back with this last chapter, I've had very busy weeks but here it is finally! I'm not very happy with the outcome, I haven't been very inspired lately but I needed to finish it before I go on my trip. I hope it doesn't disappoint you. Thank you so much for the lovely reviews and to the negative ones…well I'm sorry, I can't please everybody. This is my story and how I pictured it. Thank you all for reading and taking the time to review. I really appreciate it. **

**Enjoy it!**

**··················**

**CHAPTER 17**

The cab disappears from my view and I suddenly feel weak, drained by all the conflicting emotions I've felt in the last twenty-four hours. But most of all I feel lost, confused, because the closure I was hopeful to find in that meeting turned out to be a wall of guilt and regret that most likely will follow me the rest of my time.

I sigh deeply and turn over my heels, wanting to reach my bed, have some needed sleep and perhaps push this day to the back of my mind.

"Where the hell did I put my keys!" I ask myself aloud as I revolve, again and again, my hand inside my purse, but I give up after a few seconds. "fuck!" I sit on the curb and check it one more time, already certain that I left them in my other purse and failed to change them before leaving. "Stupid me!" I exclaim dropping the purse heavily. _What am I supposed to do now! _I stare at the pavement before me, trying to find a solution to a sleepless night out in the cold street. For a brief moment I consider going to my parents', but I rule out the idea right away, since it would probably mean giving them a heart attack if I showed up at 2am.

I gaze in despair at the high building behind me. _Ugh. _ It used to be so much easier when this happened at home, at least back them I could climb up to a window and get in. My body shivers, feeling the chilliness getting deeper into my bones. Just then a cab pulls up in front of me and as if a sign, _he_ instantly enters my mind. _I could…go back to him._ I bite my bottom lip, wondering if seeing him again will be a good or bad decision. Pushed by the cold temperature, I stand up and ran towards the cab.

(…)

I knock on his hotel room door with trembling hands. _How should I explain this? What will he say when he says me there? What if he has left? _ I get the answer to my last question when he opens the door, still fully dressed in that sexy black suit. _Thank god._

"Rachel" he says surprised.

"Hi again" I give a shy smile.

"wh-what a-re you doing here? Did something happen?" he asks with a frown of concern.

"Nothing serious, I…well I sort of locked myself out of my apartment" I shrug embarrassed.

"Oh"

"I didn't have anywhere else to go…I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the rest of the night"

"that sure is not a bad thing, come in" he says with a huge smile that makes my stomach jump in uncalled for excitement.

"Thank you" I whisper as I walk past him. I hear him close the door and I suddenly become a bundle of nerves; knowing that I've returned to a trap I'm likely to fall into sooner or later. _This is not good, you're weak when you're around him; this won't end well. _I clench my fists to regain some strength and turn around to find him standing still right behind me.

"I hope I didn't disrupt your sleep" I say tilting my head in apology.

"You didn't, I was in the balcony…thinking" he quietly says; he looks at me as if wanting to add something, nonetheless he stays mum. I nod my head, not brave enough to ask more.

"So" I awkwardly say.

"So" he repeats.

"If you want to go to bed…go ahead, I don't want to be a bother"

"I'm not sleepy, are you?"

"me neither…"

"Then…" he trails off as he scans the room for a moment. "How about we finish that bottle of wine?" he says clapping his hands once. I smile amused.

"You're very keen on finishing that bottle tonight, ain't you?"

"It was expensive" he says with a cute shrug. I can't help a soft chuckle.

"Okay, bring it in" he smiles and moves towards the balcony. He returns carrying the bottle in one hand and the two glasses in the other. "Just a little okay? I don't want to have a headache tomorrow" I ask as he hands me a glass.

"Yes Miss" his soft voice calling me 'miss' and his quirky smile makes me blush more than it should. "I'm happy you're here"

"I'm happy too" _maybe too much happy._

"Cheers" he says as he gently clinks his glass with mine and takes a sip with his eyes fixed on me. I bring the glass to my lips and move my eyes to the liquid while I feel heat gathering in my cheeks. _Please, give me strength!_ I lick my lips, giving myself some time to gather enough courage to look up again.

"Some things never change" I raise my eyes and I find his smiley face.

"What do you mean?" I ask with a frown of confusion.

"You still blush when I gaze at you" he adds in a murmur while my heart races with his unexpected comment.

"no I don't" I nervously respond.

"Yes you do" he teases me, making me blush even more. _Damn it!_

"okay, you intimidate me when you look at me like that so please stop" I beg, moving my eyes away from his intense stare.

"Then stop looking that beautiful" my knees go weak, and I have a hard time trying to hide my irrational excitement. I get captivated by his gorgeous smile and it takes me some good seconds to realize I'm smiling like a smitten teenager. Then his smile fades and I see how his eyes travel down to my lips, setting off a dozen alarms in my head. For a moment a want to ignore them, let him go on with whatever he has in mind, but I freak out the moment he begins to lean forwards. _Why on earth is he doing this?_

I loudly clear my throat and walk past him before I fall defenceless upon his feet. I head towards the sitting area, away from that dangerous spot near him.

"So…I told you about my work life, what about you, what's your occupation at the moment?" I change topics, not giving him time to speak. I sit on one of the chairs and keep my eyes on my glass, waiting for me reddened cheeks to return to its normal color. He stays silent and unmoving for a moment, probably taken aback by my abrupt getaway. _Ugh, I should have let him kiss me, why am I all of a sudden feeling insecure?_

"I…" he begins as he follows my steps and takes seat in the chair next to me. "I currently work at the museum of natural history" he tries to speak as nonchalantly as possible.

"That's…nice! You used to love that museum…especially the dino section" I imitate his casual tone.

"yup, that's my favorite part" he says in a chuckle. "it's fun to watch kid's reaction to the huge T-Rex we have there"

"I bet it is" I say before taking another sip from my glass and setting it on the coffee table.

"I'm also finishing my Ph.D soon" he adds after a brief silence.

"oh, you want to be a professor?" I immediately roll my eyes at my unnecessary question._ Think smarter questions silly!_

"Yeah, I think that's always been my vocation"

"Great then, I'm happy for you"

"So am I" he smiles at me and I immediately get mesmerized by the cute pimples on his cheeks, those I loved to dip my fingers into.

"And your wife, what does she do?" I quickly ask, jumping out from his spell. His facial expression changes radically and his answer leaves me rather dumbfounded.

"Why do you bring her up again?" he asks with seriousness, almost as if mad at me for mentioning her.

"wh-why shouldn't I?" I ask rather disconcerted by his sudden mood alteration.

"Because you couldn't care less about her" I frown surprised.

"I-I'm being polite" I excuse myself, keeping my voice low.

"no, you're asking random questions to avoid talking about us" he raises his voice.

"ha!" I exclaim as I stand up from my seat enraged and partly scared, because despite the pass of time he still knows me pretty well. "That is not true!" I say standing in front of him with my hands on my hips. "Besides we've talked long enough about what happened, if you want to make me feel culpable again then I should go, I'm not in the mood for that" he quickly stands up from his seat and faces me.

"You know that's not what I want" he says grabbing my hand, which I immediately release.

"What do you want then?" I ask, shaking my head from side to side.

"I want to get back what we lost years ago" he slowly says, sorrow present in his voice. My lips part but no words exit my mouth. I'm confused, astonished to say the least by his confession. _Why is he saying that? Isn't he supposed to be happily married?_

"But we can't, or have you forgotten this?" I sharply say as I grab his wrist and lift it to show him his own wedding band which he seems to have dismissed from his mind. I stare at him trying not to break into tears. He sighs and looks back at me with pleading eyes.

"please calm down, I don't want to argue with you" I obey him and take a deep breath to cool off. "let's pretend those rings don't exist…for tonight at least…please Rach" he begs as he gets a little bit closer. I swallow the increasing lump in my throat and try to keep my head cool, at least cooler than my body.

"What do we win with that? Ignoring them won't make it any less true Ross, we can't just throw everything and everybody away and be together"

"why not?" he helplessly says, grabbing my hands and looking deep into my eyes.

"why not? Don't you care about your wife?" I ask in disbelief.

"I don't have a wife" he suddenly says, leaving me stunned.

"y-you what?" I exclaim incredulous, my eyeballs almost popping out of their sockets.

"I-I mean, I do have a wife but…we're separated"

"y-you are-"

"we're separated" he interrupts my stutter. "I filled the divorce papers two days ago" he says with surprising calmness.

"…are you serious?" I mutter, unable to blink my eyes.

"I am very serious…we broke up five months ago" he says with a sad half-smile.

"But…h-how…wha-what happened? You seemed so happy talking about her" I shake my head, trying to take in his words but the whole situation seems rather surreal, specially after the way he had bragged about his happy life earlier in the evening.

"We…well, she is…I mean...she, she is a lesbian" he says tilting his head in shame. I arch my eyebrows, not giving credit to what my ears were hearing.

"Did you just say lesbian? Is this a joke?" I ask, still in disbelief.

"I wish I could say yes to that, but it's completely true" his shyness saying those words erases all doubts off my head. "my wife likes women…probably as much as I do" I press my lips tightly, trying to keep a straight face.

"wow…that must've been a big shock for you"

"yeah…I didn't take it very well" he says chuckling.

"Why didn't you tell me that before?" I wonder, _and why is he telling me now?_

"What did you want me to do, say 'nice to see you again Rachel, by the way I'm married to a lesbian woman" he says with pretended sarcasm, I send him a sympathetic smile. "jokes aside…it's just that…I didn't want to look like a looser before you, it's kind of embarrassing telling people your wife prefers women over you" he timidly says and an involuntary chuckle leaves my mouth. I bring my hand to cover it.

"sorry" I apologize. "this is just so surreal"

"No worries, you can laugh it out, I've overcome my deep embarrassment by now" I let out another chuckle and he joins me. But when laughter fades confusion takes over me again.

"If this is true then…why do you still wear that ring?" he looks down at his hand, silent. His sadness lets me know he truly loved that woman, and despite that feeling of jealousy raising within me my heart aches for him, but more than anything I feel sad, because if it wasn't for my marriage I would be kissing this man this very moment.

"Because I hadn't found a reason to" he lifts his eyes and gives me an honest smile. "…until yesterday" he whispers, surprising me with the back of his hand caressing my left cheek. I close my eyes, paralyzed by his soft touch. I feel my stomach fill with dozens of lively butterflies.

When I open my eyes again he is standing in a dangerous closeness to me, which makes my entire common-sense jump off the window and I have to resist a strong urge to kiss him.

"that's…nice to hear" I mumble unable to look anywhere else but his gorgeous eyes. He gives me the cutest smile and then I observe how he moves his hand from my face to his other hand. He slowly slides the wedding band off his finger and places it over and the chest of drawers on his right. My heart begins to race when he grabs my hands and looks at me in the most loving way.

"let's give us another chance" he whispers, stroking the back of my hands with his thumbs. I bit my bottom lip as I get lost in his eyes, wanting to yell a loud and clear yes. However, Barry enters my mind, and even though I don't love him as one should love a husband I cannot help but feel bad, guilty for considering any possibility of Ross and I while we're still together.

"I am married…" I quietly say, wishing my own words weren't true. His smile disappears as reality hits him again.

"right…right" he mumbles, lowering his head in sorrow. "Do you love him?" he asks, his voice almost inaudible.

"I…I guess I do" I say in a helpless shrug. He grabs my hands with more strength as if urging me to say the truth.

"you don't love him…otherwise you wouldn't doubt, tell me the truth Rach" he asks and I know he can read the truth in my eyes, but for some reason I can't admit it out loud.

I don't love Barry, but what can I do? He is my husband, a good one in fact. How can I just leave him for something I don't even know if it's going to work?

"I may not love him as I'm supposed to…" I quietly admit "but he is my husband"

"so what? You can get a divorce" I feel him tight his grip on my hands and beg me through his eyes but despite wanting to leave everything and run to his arms I feel scared, scared to fail again.

"I can't do that to Barry…" I mumble, feeling tears forming in my eyes.

"c'mon Rach, fate is clearly giving us another change, don't let it pass by, you don't love Barry, Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"ugh I don't know Ross! Don't pressure me! I've had a very overwhelming day and I'm sleep-deprived, I don't want to think about that now" I snap as I abruptly release my hands from his. I immediately regret the tone of voice I used when he lowers his face in shame.

"alright, alright I'm sorry…I just…I don't want to loose you again" he murmurs the last words and my heart melts. If only I was single, everything would be much simpler.

"Neither do I…but I don't want to screw everything up again either, I want to make things right this time, I don't want to base my future on a spur of the moment decision…I hope you can understand that"

"I do, I understand and forget what I said okay?; I don't mean to push you into anything, the least I want is to bug you" he says in an apologetic tone that makes me fall for his kindness even more.

"Thank you" I mumble.

"I'd do whatever you ask me" he says, bringing a smile to my face.

"Then can we pretend this conversation didn't happen? At least while I get my mind straight?"

"sure…what was it that we were talking before?" he says faking confusion.

"Thank you" I repeat as I send him a smile of gratitude.

"You're welcome" he says, stroking my arm for a blissful moment. "wanna dance?" he asks out of the blue. I frown confused.

"what, where, Here?"

"yeah, there's a hi-fi system over there" he says pointing behind me. "I haven't dance in a long while"

"it's almost 4 in the morning Ross, there are asleep people in the rooms nearby" I say, laughing at his crazy idea.

"to hell with them, I paid a fortune for this room, I'm allowed to do whatever a please" he says as he walks determine towards the hi-fi system. I observe from my spot how he turns on the radio and my blood drops to my feet when the first notes of "with or without you", our song, begins to play.

"Did you set this up?" I ask. However, his face tells me he is as stunned as me.

"I swear I didn't…I put the radio" I look down inundated by the memories that said song brings to my mind. "hey" he murmurs as he grabs my chin and lifts my face. "I can turn it off if you want" I blink back forming tears and smile.

"no it's okay, it's just that…so many good memories are linked to this song"

"I know" he whispers, enveloping me in an unexpected hug, nonetheless I don't pull back and embrace this moment with all my heart.

I bury my face in his chest and hold back tears of nostalgia while I feel him begin to sway our bodies to the soft notes of the song. My arms find their way around his neck and I gently bring him closer, not feeling scared in his arms anymore but safe. I close my eyes and as if viewing an old movie I see us, a younger version of us, dancing to this same song that day he bought the cd for me and I played it over and over again. But it's now when the lyrics have gotten a real meaning, unfortunately.

"_through the storm we reach the shore, you give it all but I want more, and I'm waiting for you…with or without you…with or without you, I can't live…with or without you" _he begins to sing along very lowly, yet I can hear him, which makes me heart shrink since I know he is not just singing, but meaning every single word of them. My guilt grows more and more until I cannot hold my tears. I cry silently, but I feel the need to let him know how sorry I am for everything. I swallow my tears and lift my gaze, our eyes meet.

"I'm so sorry Ross, if I could turn back time I would've nev-"

"shh, forget about the past" he murmurs, placing a small kiss on my forehead. "just pretend there is nobody outside these four walls, it's you and I, only" he says, stroking my back reassuringly, never stopping his soft movements. I listen to his words and sweep away from my mind every worry, every person until it's just me and my feelings. I embrace him closer, finally feeling a peace I hadn't felt in years.

"_with or without you, with or without you, I can't live…with or without you"_I rest my chin on his shoulder and release more tears, wondering how I've gone through all these years without his hugs, his smell, his warmth against my body.

"I can't live without Rach" he suddenly whispers in my ear, his voice quivering a little. "I didn't know that till this very moment, but I can't" A chill runs down my spine and I pull back a little to look at him, feeling brave enough to say it back.

"I can't live without you either; I just need to think this through …will you wait for me?" I ask with dread.

"As long as you need, be sure of that" he whispers back, and his words manage to calm me down, knowing he'll be there no matter what.

He plants another kiss in my forehead and I close my eyes to enjoy the amazing effect that his lips have triggered in my body. I look up at him and smile, and then, dragged by my own instincts I lean on my toes and kiss him, just like that.

His body flickers at my unexpected kiss but soon enough he responds with equal desire, making my knees go weak instantly. I grab on his shirt and kiss him with the urgency and need I've been holding all day.

His mouth invades mine and I'm overwhelmed by the many sensations he causes on me with such simple act.

"We should stop, I don't want you to regret this later" he says breathless against my lips. I stop for a second, already sure that I'm not willing to stop this any time soon. _Tonight nobody exists except us…_

"I won't" I state, looking deep into his eyes. I kiss him deep again and before I know it his arms slip to my thighs, lift me in the air and carry me to bed. We both fall over, me on to top of him. I straddle him as well as my dress allows me and my head begins to spin when his mouth welcomes my tongue with hunger.

His hands travel to the top of my zip; my body trembles when my dress begins to open, exposing my bare back. However, he doesn't attempt to pull it off and he surprises me rolling us over until he is lying over me; all throughout wet, steamy kisses. The temperature of my body rises with every kiss, every new touch, sending chills I hadn't felt in years running through my body and making me moan involuntarily.

I unbutton his shirt with eagerness, wanting to touch, to explore his skin and remember every corner of his body as I used to. His lips leave my mouth to draw a trail of light kisses down my neck and shoulder; meanwhile his hands slip under my dress and begin to caress my buttocks with torturing slowness. Each time he touches me I feel my hormones waking up from their long slumber one by one, making me feel sensations I had lost in time. I gasp when he gently pushes his hips into mine and moans in my ear.

He then begins to pull down my dress; my heart races in anticipation.

"do you have condoms?" I hear myself asking under my breath. He stops in his tracks and I see how his face goes instantly pale. _Uh-oh_

"no…" he helplessly says "do you?"

"no…" I say biting my lip, and the mood is instantly killed. _Fuck!_ Our eyes meet and I can see in his eyes he is recalling the same memory as me. We burst out laughing. "This was bound to happen to us, wasn't it?"

"We're pathetic" he says in a sad chuckle. He heavily exhales as he reluctantly moves to a side and collapses next to me, emitting a groan of frustration. I look up at the ceiling while I try to regain my breath, unsure of whether it's anger or relief what I'm feeling. "man, why does this keep happening to me! I should've learnt from experience" I direct my eyes to him and smile; endeared by his adorable whining. I lie on my side and stroke his cheek softly, wishing I had that crazy teenage spirit that made me take all the risks without worrying about the consequences.

"This is probably for the best" I tell him and myself.

"Wish I could say the same" he says, wrinkling his nose in a cute way. I reach for his lips and kiss him gently and for some seconds we're lip-locked in a slow, but rather arousing kiss.

"I think we should have some sleep, it's late" I say as I slowly move away from his arms.

"are you gonna be here when I wake up?" he says, fear showing in his voice.

"yes" and this time I'm not lying.

"okay" he murmurs as he half-heartedly stands up from the bed to turn off the radio. "what?" he asks worried by my quietness.

"I just realised I don't have anything to sleep in"

"do you want my shirt?"

"then what are you gonna wear?"

"don't worry, I normally sleep in my underwear" _including today? Oh gosh, he is doing this on purpose, isn't he? _I'd better fall asleep soon.

"okay, thank you" I accept, not having any other option. He takes off the shirt I had unbuttoned before and expose his bare fit torso, which I try to ignore to avoid further temptations.

"here you have"

"thanks I'll…use the bathroom"

"sure"

I close the door behind me and allow myself to exhale the air trapped within my throat. I soon get rid of my half opened scarlet dress and my bra before covering my body with his white shirt. His scent invades me and seeing my reflection wearing his shirt inexplicably turns me on again. I take a few breaths to calm myself and leave the room to find him already under the covers. _Phew._

"hi" _why do I say that?_

"hi" he says in a funny chuckle. "you look sexy" he teasingly say, making my blush rather noticeable.

"shut up" I climb onto the bed and safely lie on the other end of it, leaving a reasonable distance between us. We look at each other and yet again I'm taken to another memory from seven years ago.

"it seems everything we do tonight reminds me of a past memory, look at us now, sleeping on the same bed and I'm wearing your shirt" his smile tells me he had thought of the same thing.

"…that was one of the best nights of my life" he says, his voice acquiring a sweet tone.

"yeah…although I gotta say, as fancy as this room is, it can't be compared to the gorgeous blanket of stars of that night"

"of that night and many others"

"I miss those nights" we share a look of knowledge that also expresses nostalgia. _I would give anything to relive those nights…_Then all of a sudden he gets up from the bed and walks towards the desk. I frown confused.

"w-what are you doing?" I ask, but he doesn't give me an answer, making my curiosity grow more. He returns with a pierced paper in his hands, which he places on the upper hole of the bedside lamp, which projects a bunch of little circles on the ceiling that simulate stars. I giggle at his out of the blue invention.

"Better now?" he says with a childlike smile.

"You're so silly" I say in a helpless chuckle. "But yeah, much better" I mumble as I get closer and wrap my arms around his torso, pushing aside awkwardness and fear. He soon embraces my body and I fall in love with this feeling of security that I only get in his arms. And it's here where I wonder how I could have hesitated wanting to spend the rest of my life with him.

"do you mind if I sleep like this?" I quietly ask, nestling into his arms.

"not at all" he whispers. I rest my head on his chest and I feel how he kisses my hair.

"Ross"

"yeah?"

"don't put in doubt my feelings…it's just that…I need to talk things through with Barry first"

"I know, and as I told you I will wait for you, as long as you need"

"thank you" I whisper through a genuine smile "good night Ross"

"good night princess" he murmurs that familiar sentence while kissing my forehead once again. I smile to myself as I close my eyes, happy to fall asleep in his arms.

·····························

I arrive at the Geller's household with the biggest smile across my face. The day I was waiting for arrived. One month passed since that night at the hotel plaza and I kept the promise I made to him. I think everything through, for weeks, and I took a decision that will make a u-turn in my life, one I'm utterly excited about.

"oh my god Rachel? Is it you?" Judy exclaims the moment she opens the door.

"Hi Mrs Geller"

"hi sweetheart, I hadn't seen you in years! come here, give me a hug" she says opening her arms, I gladly hug her in return. "I had no idea you were coming to the wedding"

"well, neither did I"

"Come in, the ceremony will start in a few minutes, do you want to see Monica before the wedding starts? She is in her room"

"sure, thank you Mrs Geller"

I walk up the stairway and crack her door open quietly. I find her looking at herself in front of the mirror, glowing of happiness.

"you look breathtaking in that wedding dress" She immediately turns around, stunned by the sound of my voice.

"oh my god Rachel! You came!" she exclaims as she runs towards me and gives me the biggest hug. "wow, you look gorgeous"

"no more than you, you're beautiful"

"thanks" she says with a broad smile. "I'm so happy you're here"

"really? I was expecting a slap on the face to be honest" I jokingly say, although I truly deserve it. "you should be mad at me" She smiles at me and I cannot handle what a nice person Monica is.

"I used to be, but I can't stay mad at you forever…let alone on my wedding day. I'm getting married Rach!" she yells in a high pitched voice. I chuckled amused.

"I can't believe it, it seems like yesterday we were lying on this bed, talking about your first time with your lovebird" I tease and I can really tell she is still as in love as when that conversation took place.

"I know! I wish you had called me though, I would have loved for you to be my maid of honor" she says pouting. I hold her hand and apologise the best I can.

"I'm so sorry honey, for everything. I'm such a bad friend; I shouldn't have left you the way I did"

"don't torture yourself with that, what matters is that you're here now, and I won't let you disappear again"

"but I owe you an explanation"

"Ross already told me what happened"

"oh"

"by the way, Does Ross know you're here?"

"no"

"then I assume you're here to tell him…" I nod my head, unable to hide my happiness. "that's awesome!" she exclaims as she hugs me again. "You made the right decision"

"I know I did"

"When are you gonna tell him?"

"as soon as I see him. I'm freaking out Mon!"

"aw everything will be fine, he's still head over heels for you, he hasn't stopped talking about you since he saw you"

"really?"

"yeah, you brought light back to his life, I hadn't seen him this happy in years" her words does nothing but put a bigger smile on my face.

A knock on the door disrupt our conversation.

"Monica, are you ready?" Judy asks from the doorway.

"almost, just one more minute"

"I'll let you finish" I say, stroking her hand. "we'll have tons of time to catch up"

"okay, I'll see you after the ceremony and good luck honey"

"thanks sweetie"

"I hope to see you there when I throw my bouquet" I wink my eye at her before leaving the room.

I enter the yard as unnoticeably as possible. The place is decorated in the most beautiful exquisite way, as it couldn't be any other way being Monica the person getting married. I take seat in the last row of chair and say hi to the unknown person next to me. I observe my surrounds with nervousness; my legs shake uncontrollably while I search for him. I soon find him ahead in the provisional altar; standing next to that guy he introduced me to in that coffee place. I can't help the wide smile that seeing him puts in my face. And then finally he notices me. His eyes widen in shock and I send him a relaxed smile. However he moves his eyes away several times and then returns to me as if wanting to make sure I am really there. We lock gazes through most of the ceremony, and I already knew my life has changed since this very moment.

(…)

"now I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride" the priest says. Every person in the yard stands up from their seat and clap energetically as Monica and Chandler melt in their first kiss as a married couple. Then Everybody gathers around the couple to congratulate them, except me. I stay in my spot, eager to find him and tell him the news. That's when he appears among the crowded aisle, looking all handsome in his best man suit. He stops some feet away and gives me an enquiring look. I lift my hand and smile as I show him in the distance my ring less finger. He returns my smile and it takes him a second to cover the distance between us and lift me in the air in a tight hug that sends me to cloud nine.

"is this real? Are you here?" he asks, still shocked to see me there.

"very real" I murmur, looking up at him fully in love.

"what happened with…?" he trails off.

"long story short, I went back to Chicago…realised I've been missing you all my life and that I couldn't go on with this lie of a marriage, so I gathered all my courage and told Barry, we broke up and I ended up here…jobless, houseless, but with you" I say as adjunct the knot of his tie.

"that is…incredible" he says kissing my cheek. "and How did he take it?"

"Surprisingly well actually, he told me he had been feeling things for another woman and he didn't know how to tell me, I guess we both knew our marriage wasn't the real thing"

"I'm sorry?"

"don't be, it was a big relief for me. I didn't want to hurt him after how nice he had treated me…I'm scared to tell my father though, he was very in love with him" I say biting my bottom lip.

"I'll help you with that" he says giving a reassuring kiss to my forehead. "so you're all mine now?"

"all yours, I'm here to stay this time"

"that's…the best news I've ever been given" he murmurs as he leans forward with the intention to kiss my lips, nonetheless I back off, inhibited by the amount of people around us.

"hey, why would you pull back?" he complains.

"I don't want to kiss you in front of everybody" I shyly say.

"why?"

"because it's too soon, nobody knows we're back together"

"kiss me!"

"no"

"I won't breathe until you kiss me" he says before filling his cheeks with air and sealing his lips.

"oh c'mon, Ross don't be childish, Ross quit it! okay whatever" I say crossing my arms and waiting for him to stop this nonsense, but he seems determine not to. "Ross stop! You're turning red, ugh alright" I roll my eyes and finally lean on my tiptoes and kiss his lips briefly. However he manages to encircle my waist and traps me within his arms to catch my lips in a fervent kiss. I surrender to his amazing kiss right away and forget there are over a hundred people around us. "that was a hell of a kiss" I sensually say near his mouth as we part. "But reserve something for tonight"

"oh don't worry about that" he says adding a wink that makes me giggle.

"I've got a question to ask you mister" I whisper as I give him a small peck.

"ask away"

"…Are you willing to start anew…with me?"

"more than anything" he murmurs with a smile as he grabs my face and places a kiss on my lips. "I love you" I smile like a newly fallen in love teenage.

"I love you too" I tell him right from the bottom of my heart.

"wait right here, I want to introduce you to somebody" he says before walking away.

"okay" I frown confused and nervous at the same time. My heart skips a beat the moment I see him return carrying a toddler in his arms. _That must be his son._

"Ben, say hi to Rachel" he sweetly says to his child, and I immediately fall in love with this paternal side of him.

"Hi wachel" the fair-haired child quietly says, and to my own surprise I don't feel terrified to be around a kid.

"Hi Ben" I caress his smooth cheek and he lets out a loud giggle that warms my heart. "He is adorable…like his father"

"I know" he says with a proud smile. "Should I assume you're not scared of him?"

"how could I, he seems so sweet"

"I love hearing that"

"In fact…Do you think we could give Ben a little sister, in a future I mean?"

"I'd love that" he murmurs with a beaming smile. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him. Watching us, Ben does the same and wraps his arms around our necks as well as he can, making us burst out laughing.

We exchange I love you's before we kiss again; in that yard where it all started seven years ago, where today I've just gotten my life and happiness back.

·····················

**thank you so much all of you for reading.**** I'd love to read your last thoughts on this ending. Hope you enjoyed it.**


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